You know you are in a red state when...

Discussion in 'Elections' started by argentine soccer fan, Nov 5, 2004.

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  1. argentine soccer fan

    Staff Member

    Jan 18, 2001
    San Francisco Bay Area
    Club:
    CA Boca Juniors
    Nat'l Team:
    Argentina
    In the interest of fair and balance posting, lets make fun of the other half of the country as well.

    Let me start.

    You know you are in a red state when you go to a bachelor party and, after the stripper leaves, all the groom's buddies stick around and they invite their pastor over to pray for him and give him good christian advice.
     
  2. MarioKempes

    MarioKempes Member+

    Real Madrid, DC United
    Aug 3, 2000
    Raleigh, NC
    Club:
    Real Madrid
    You think you are in the Star Trek episode with "Landrew", Roddenberry's sarcastic look at Jesus freaks.
     
  3. Roel

    Roel Member

    Jan 15, 2000
    Santa Cruz mountains
    Club:
    Liverpool FC
    Nat'l Team:
    Netherlands
    You are on a roll today, ASF. Keep it up!
     
  4. bojendyk

    bojendyk New Member

    Jan 4, 2002
    South Loop, Chicago
    My folks moved to a Red State about eight years ago. Mine are all actual observations:

    You know you're in a Red State when

    . . . you proudly show your wife the two T-shirts you picked out for yourself, and she approvingly says "They both have Dale Earnhart on 'em?" Oh, and you're still buying T-shirts with designs on them in your mid-30s.

    . . . you spend a great deal of time making your front yard look nice, but you still choose to spend nice days sitting on a fold-up chair in front of your open garage.

    . . . you think Jack Daniels only comes in shot-sized bottles.

    . . . you think Jimmy Buffet is off the wall.

    . . . Home Shopping channels outnumber network channels.

    . . . Year-round firework stands and stores outnumber bookstores by a ratio of 10:1.

    . . . Leather pants and mustaches are actually considered signs of serious heterosexuality.
     
  5. Blitzz Boy

    Blitzz Boy Member

    Apr 4, 2002
    The West Side
    .......when the Democratic congressman in the district next to yours runs ads saying that he voted in favor of Bush's policies 78% of the time.

    That's not a joke.

    That really did happen here.
     
  6. MiamiAce

    MiamiAce New Member

    Jan 12, 2004
    Miami, USA
    .... people around you are actually proud of being an American and people don't look at you like a neanderthal if you say "I do like the President because he shares common moral values".
     
  7. bojendyk

    bojendyk New Member

    Jan 4, 2002
    South Loop, Chicago

    Which state color has the monopoly on sanctimony?
     
  8. Chicago1871

    Chicago1871 Member

    Apr 21, 2001
    Chicago
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Best one so far.
     
  9. skipshady

    skipshady New Member

    Apr 26, 2001
    Orchard St, NYC
    - You know what's going when people hold up three fingers.

    - You hit the "Scan" button on your car radio and it keeps coming back to the preacher dude.

    - The "H" in "vehicle" is not silent

    - Wal-Mart is the only store open after 9 pm

    - The women's rugby team doubles as the community's lesbian society

    - You know a strip joint is classy because it requires collared shirts

    - The most respected figure in your community is the football coach

    - When a cup has brown liquid with loose leaves, it's probably not tea
     
  10. ElJefe

    ElJefe Moderator
    Staff Member

    Feb 16, 1999
    Colorful Colorado
    Club:
    FC Dallas
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Here, too. In the big Martin Front-Pete Sessions battle royal for Texas 32, I think Bush was pictured favorably in Martin Frost's ads more than he was in Pete Sessions' ads. And Frost was the Democrat.

    He still ended up losing by 10 points.
     
  11. obie

    obie New Member

    Nov 18, 1998
    NY, NY
    Club:
    New York Red Bulls
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    You know you're in a red state when:

    -- There is nothing more exciting to do on a Sunday afternoon than watch drivers turn left

    -- You are jealous of the people who had the idea for fireronzook.com

    -- You've posted on the fireronzook.com forum

    -- You've lost your favorite MLS team to contraction

    -- You've stolen a professional sports franchise from Canada or a blue state

    -- You turn on AM radio in the mid-afternoon and every station is airing Rush

    -- You understand that "Rush" isn't a Canadian prog-rock trio

    -- Your local 25-screen movie theater has never shown a documentary by someone other than Michael Moore

    -- You've had an eye exam taken at Costco

    -- You have found bullet casings around your house while cleaning

    -- Your family bible has multiple bookmarks in it that move daily

    -- Your church was founded less than ten years ago, and is already the biggest building in the county

    -- You control all houses of government and still feel like you're being victimized by the "liberal elite"
     
  12. bojendyk

    bojendyk New Member

    Jan 4, 2002
    South Loop, Chicago
    You're either bewildered by a dusting of snow or indifferent to 10 feet of snow.
     
  13. dfb547490

    dfb547490 New Member

    Feb 9, 2000
    The Heights
    Question asked, question answered.
     
  14. argentine soccer fan

    Staff Member

    Jan 18, 2001
    San Francisco Bay Area
    Club:
    CA Boca Juniors
    Nat'l Team:
    Argentina
    ...homosexuals still hang out in public restrooms.
     
  15. Quango

    Quango BigSoccer Supporter

    Jul 25, 2003
    Colorado
    Club:
    Colorado Rapids
    ...Ross Perot carried your county in '92 and Bush I came in 2nd.
     
  16. StingRay37

    StingRay37 Member

    Dec 4, 2000
    North Carolina
    --A baseball cap with a fishhook in the brim is fashionable.
     
  17. BlueMeanie

    BlueMeanie New Member

    Apr 1, 2002
    EastSIIIIDE
    -- folks think Jeff Foxworthy is even remotely funny

    -- there are more subscribers to Watchtower than the local newspaper

    -- Crisco is a table condiment

    -- gun racks are default standard accessories on new vehicles, not order options

    -- your local HS football team regularly outdraws your nearest MLS team

    -- most folks think there are only two types of music: "country" and "western"

    -- most folks have double first names, like Billy Don and Joe Bob

    -- folks with those names have belt buckles displaying those names

    -- that whiny bitch Pat Buchanan is too damn liberal for most folks
     
  18. Father Ted

    Father Ted BigSoccer Supporter

    Manchester United, Galway United, New York Red Bulls
    Nov 2, 2001
    Connecticut
    Club:
    Manchester United FC
    Nat'l Team:
    Ireland Republic
    - When your sister is also your aunt
     
  19. Thomas A Fina

    Thomas A Fina Member

    Mar 29, 1999
    Hell
    Club:
    New York Red Bulls
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Yup - I'm with Mike on this one. IF you really want to see JW's at work come up to that bluest of blue areas, New York City. THey're everywhere. Especiallly in Brooklyn - probably becuase that's where the Watchtower actually is.

    BTW - that place needs to be blown up. Perfect site for an MLS Stadium, but I digress...
     
  20. Glenwood Lane United

    Apr 28, 2001
    Hanover Park, IL
    Club:
    Chicago Fire
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    with apologies to Lewis Black.

    --Your movie viewership has declined ever since Ernest stopped "going places".

    Thanks, Lewis.
     
  21. StingRay37

    StingRay37 Member

    Dec 4, 2000
    North Carolina
    Church of Christ has bumper stickers? :confused:
     
  22. BlueMeanie

    BlueMeanie New Member

    Apr 1, 2002
    EastSIIIIDE
    He was referring to Corrosion of Conformity, a hardcore band from a red state (NC).

    No?
     
  23. Own Goal Hat-Trick

    Jul 28, 1999
    ColoRADo
    IKEA is the first word in the sentence "i'kea yoo" which is said to your brother after you just found him in bed with your wife/mother, not a swedish furniture store.
     
  24. Chicago1871

    Chicago1871 Member

    Apr 21, 2001
    Chicago
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    You've milked something [other than a cat].
     
  25. GringoTex

    GringoTex Member

    Aug 22, 2001
    1301 miles de Texas
    Club:
    Tottenham Hotspur FC
    Nat'l Team:
    Bolivia
    Execution, man, execution...
     

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