What to do with a club trainer who uses profanity during practice?

Discussion in 'Youth & HS Soccer' started by Dustinho, Sep 12, 2007.

  1. Dustinho

    Dustinho Member

    May 12, 2000
    So Cal
    I would like everyones opinion? My daughters club has a coach who uses several four letter words (f***, sh**, etc.) at the girls during practice. It could be a phrase such as, "You f***ing suck and don't know sh**". It doesn't happen just once or twice. Girls are saying that it's consistent and at least 20x's during a 1 1/2 hour practice. The girls' age range are from 11 years to 17 years old.

    As an educator, I have responsibilities to pursue this with the proper authorities.

    Some parents are very upset but do not like to say anything and just plan on letting it slide. However, apparently this is on-going and many refuse to address it.

    I would like to know what other views are and if anyone has dealt with this before? If so, how was this situation handled?

    Also please note...this was brought up to the club president. He was 50/50 on it and basically said it was OK for him to say that to his children. But he would talk to him.
  2. etan86soccer

    etan86soccer Member

    Jan 8, 2002
    Des Moines, IA
    find another club team...it comes with the profession of coaching. I had coaches just like the one you described growing up from u9 to u18 with the same club after a while u don't even notice it anymore seriously.
  3. Dustinho

    Dustinho Member

    May 12, 2000
    So Cal
    Can't find a new team just yet. We have paid the dues and can't switch teams until October or November, per league rules. Plus we just came aboard!
  4. BigGuy

    BigGuy Red Card

    Apr 12, 2007
    This is bad the suck part is equally as bad because he is belittling his players.

    When doing my adult teams. Some times I would use the F word to make a point to some individual players when I got their ears alone.

    Once I did slip doing a HS team. It was right after the opponent scored and the F work slipped out. It was not directed at anybody. A frustation thing. I was doing a catholic school on picture day for the year book. A lot of school people happened to be at that game. I said I was sorry, but I never heard the end of that.

    It was a catholic school but the student body was made up of street minority kids from Brooklyn. They thought nothing of it because they used those words all the time. But the adults were fu_king shocked :=_)

    The you suck talking about his players is a great reason to let this bozo go even more then the F word
  5. dumpnrun

    dumpnrun Member

    May 30, 2006
    Get him to leave by telling him that the Chicago Magic is looking for coaches. He fits the first requirement. :) (How's that for combining two topics?)
  6. lucky13dad

    lucky13dad Member

    May 16, 2006
    Region 2
    Chicago Fire
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Who pays this coach? The club? Who pays the club? The parents. In essence, this coach works for you, the parents. The team needs to present a united (or at least majority) front to this bozo and tell him he sucks, errrr, he needs to shape up.:D

    Your money is paying for training, not abuse.
  7. Norsk Troll

    Norsk Troll Member+

    Sep 7, 2000
    Central NJ
    That parents have to make the decision that they'll walk over the issue, or no change will be done. The club doesn't want to lose a dozen players (and their registrations) over the issue.
  8. Dustinho

    Dustinho Member

    May 12, 2000
    So Cal
    Well, the majority of parents do not want to press the issue to start a ruckus. They prefer to just let it blow by. The problem I have is it has happened more than once and this trainer, who is the coaching director of the club, has a history of abuse and plenty of allegations to go along with it.
    When asked why the club hired him, they like his success as club coach with the gold and premiere teams. Every coach that was with the club prior to him coming in, has left because of him.

    Don't know what else to do! If I was in charge, he would have been fired a long time ago!
  9. Proud Mama

    Proud Mama New Member

    May 9, 2006
    Dustinho: I'm also from SoCal and have an older who's gone through the system on gold/premier teams. Our team went through a similar experience. My suggestion would be to video tape this coach at practices and games. Nothing wrong with video taping. Many parents do it for different reasons, i.e. memories, college recruiting, etc. if you're asked why. Send a copy to the BOD of the club and to the BOD of CSL. Believe me, if the club BOD won't do anything about it, the BOD of CSL will. If you want to "PM" me, I have some other suggestions also. Hope this helps.
  10. Val1

    Val1 Member+

    Mar 12, 2004
    MD's Eastern Shore
    Arsenal FC
    Tell the club president you're going to sue this cretin for harrassment. And since the club is not doing it's due diligence to protect and nuture the youth in it's care, you're going to include the club in the lawsuit. And then do it.

    If your daughter has been harmed, continue with the suit regardless of the outcome. If your daughter is OK, I'm sure you'll be able to negotiate a release from the contract you signed.

    If you don't like the suit part, go to the state soccer association, where they don't care as much about wins and losses as they do about reputation.

    I like the bit about videoing him. Do that and post it on youtube (since the last cretin-coach clip seems to have been taken off).
  11. Falc

    Falc Member+

    Jul 29, 2006
    Juventus FC
    Fight fire with fire. Tell the girls to curse back at him. Have them curse at their next match. You and the parents should speak that way to the club president too. If that does not get their attention, then it is hopeless.

    Hopefully you do not have to go to such extremes but it might help the next time you talk to the club president if you ask him :

    "Why don't you have a f^@king problem with this @$$hole coach who does a $%itty job with his continuos use of f***, sh**, etc. And if you don't, then you f^@king suck too!"

    Sometimes the shock treatment gets their attention.
  12. SoccerKicks

    SoccerKicks Member

    Dec 31, 2004
    If its Eclipse...get used to it.
  13. Proud Mama

    Proud Mama New Member

    May 9, 2006
    Lawsuit sounds good in theory, however most here in SoCal are made to sign releases on lawsuits when you play for CSL and their "affiliates". Besides, his kid would probably get "blackballed", and you really don't want that to happen to your kid. That's probably why the rest of his parents aren't saying or doing anything. Club soccer is a small world. People talk. Coaches talk. That's why I suggested the video tape. Video never lies. It's used in many cases with CYSA Disciplinary and CSL. And....it would prove the point and take it to this a**hole of a coach to the BOD of the club. Especially if the BOD sees the look on the these kids' faces when they're getting cussed out. It's sad really.
  14. headerdunce

    headerdunce Member

    Dec 19, 2005

    Dustinho, I agree with Big Guy that the worst part of this coach's behavior is telling little girls they suck. It's unnecessary, it's counterproductive, and most of all is it's gutless. It's also ironic that many macho, cursing, condescending coaches save their major abuse for little girls. If he tried this with U18 or U19 boys (and believe me, he wouldn't in club, and it's rare in college) he would get more "backlash" abuse than he could handle. Falc's strategy would be automatic, no need for parental involvement, if U18 boys were involved.

    But, because you are dealing with little girls, Proud Mama's strategy makes the most sense. You should implement it, soon.
  15. MustBeBlind

    MustBeBlind New Member

    Aug 3, 2007
    Has anyone actually mentioned it to the trainer in question?

    If it were my daughter (or son), I'd casually mention to the trainer that I think his language is over the top. Nothing confrontational or hysterical, just straight up conversation.

    I've done it. I explained that we don't use that language in our household and I'd appreciate it if he'd tone it down.

    He basically said that it's been the "language of the sport" since his youth days, and he really didn't think about how much he used profanity. He did tone it down quite a bit, but I also kept a friendly dialog with him throughout the season (my son only played for him for one season).

    However, I never did hear him tell a child that they "suck." Had that been the case, I don't think I'd have been as pleasant.
  16. BigGuy

    BigGuy Red Card

    Apr 12, 2007
    I am a liberal concerning young kids, and nothing else.

    If I even heard another coach calling his players stupid words like that belittling the child or young person. I would stick my nose in his business and say something to him. That will leave no doubt in his mind what will happen if I heard him talk like that to those kidds again.

    When I lost games I don't blame the player. I really believe I left something undone on the practice field I blame myself for losses. The players get the credit for wins their on the field not me.

    On sueing the club no. They will think your a trouble makers and find a way of not playing your kid. Plus they won't take her next year. That is a big turn off.

  17. Dustinho

    Dustinho Member

    May 12, 2000
    So Cal
    This coach/trainor/director has a long history of abuse and language. He has had several warnings from parents, BOD and the president. No one really wants to do anything because they are scared of their childrens playing time. I for one am not.

    I will not let this go until I see a resolution that benefits they players and the club. Our club is hurting for teams and players. Everyone jumped ship prior to last season and there are chances that we may be losing more teams soon becasue of him. If that happens, then our club has lost %60 of it's teams in a two year span.

    I have notified several key members on the board and get the feeling that nothing is going to get done. They make up excuse after excuse for him. They all promised to take care of the situation but I really doubt it. I am not going to let this down until he is either fired or seeking help!
  18. MustBeBlind

    MustBeBlind New Member

    Aug 3, 2007
    It sounds like all of the nice options have been tried. The league will soon die, as you've noted, as long as he is there.

    The video idea sounds great. Put him on YouTube in all of his glory. While it may not change him, it may at least motivate the BOD to make the change before the local media gets ahold of it.
  19. Falc

    Falc Member+

    Jul 29, 2006
    Juventus FC
    If the club is losing players/teams and it can be attributed to this coach/director, then why keep him in place? Is he on contract and it has time before it expires? Sounds odd that he has not been fired unless the club is concerned about taking a financial loss.
  20. Val1

    Val1 Member+

    Mar 12, 2004
    MD's Eastern Shore
    Arsenal FC
    I understand about being black balled. The desire to fit in and not make waves is a strong human emotion, and going against the tide has been a struggle for every whistle blower in every cultural subset that I've read about. However, this parent has to decide what is best for his daughter and weigh the social cost of ostracism vs the emotional toll it may take on his daughter.

    I don't know California contract law, but I do know that contracts are signed all the time with unenforceable provisions. In most states, organizations cannot disclaim or waive liability in the cases of abuse and neglect, whether willful or unintentional. I don't care what releases or waivers have been signed, SoCal soccer is responsible for the care of the children in their system. This case, just based on what the OP has presented, sounds like emotional abuse and harassment of a minor. I'm sure that is against the law in California. No release is going to apply here.
  21. Playnow

    Playnow New Member

    Sep 13, 2007
    I'm really confused. You say you just came aboard, yet you talk about the history of the team and the past actions of the coach. So the only conclusion that I can draw is that you knew about the coach before you "just came aboard". In that case, buyer beware. I don't think you can come into a situation that has been a certain way for a while and expect it to change just for you. Saying you won't be happy until the coach is fired is pretty poor on your part. Just go somewhere else as soon as you can.

    Having said that, I don't agree with the coach telling the kids they suck, regardless of age or gender. That's awful.
  22. ranova

    ranova Member

    Aug 30, 2006
    I don't tolerate abusive behavior, physical or verbal. And as a parent on the sideline on the one occassion I observed a coach verbally abusing a player during a U13 rec game I first directed the referee's attention to the misconduct and then calmly and repeatedly told the coach that his behavior was unacceptable (which of course deflected his ranting from the player to me) while he screamed in my face. Standing by watching abuse is tacit acceptance. If you have concerns about what the coach is doing, you should talk to him, privately so as not to challenge his authority, and express your concerns. Even if there is no hope of the coach changing his ways, he should at least know that there is an issue rather than hearing the complaint first from the director of coaching.

    PS: I don't recommend that one normally confront a raving maniac in full vigor, but in my case the object of the coach's attention was my son so I had no choice but to intervene when the ref declined to step in.
  23. westhammer

    westhammer New Member

    Apr 8, 2007
    I would just simply tape him, put it on youtube and share the website.
    that would take care of it.
  24. forsomuch

    forsomuch New Member

    Nov 29, 2006
    It sounds to me like this club/trainer had a history of this before you joined and yet you still did. If you joined without the due diligence of researching this club/trainer beforehand then it seems to me you made the mistake. If you are in SoCal there are many good teams and it is very easy to find out about the coaches and their "style" before you join. It seems like you wanted the Gold/Premier team experience and were willing to join without doing your homework.

    I've taken my kids to other clubs to train just to see the coaches in action and I have gone and watched them run practices without having my kids there or letting them know I was watching just to see what they do. Watching the coach during games is also a must and then asking other coaches and parents their opinions. Ending up on this team with this trainer seems to be a mistake but one that could have been avoided had you looked before you leaped.

    I heard a coach yell a few weeks ago, "what the hell is wrong with you? Do you not speak English?" So I turned around to see who would yell such a thing and it was a coach for a U9 Girls team. I made sure to remember the coach who said it and the club he was with (one of the top rated clubs in SoCal who win many championships, especially at the youngers). I would never let my little girl play for this jerk. There is a parental obligation to insure that your kid doesn't end up with an abusive coach.

    If you are worried about being tied to this team for this year and are part of CalSouth/CSL you can appeal to be let out and transfer. The team may fight you on this but if you have video of this coach cursing at players you most likely only need to tell the club if they don't let you transfer you will turn the tape into CalSouth.
  25. Canadaplaysfutbol

    Canadaplaysfutbol New Member

    May 31, 2007
    as a player you have to let it go its part of being a player and coach. of they are 17 years old then they themselves say it at school so think nothing of it and let it go.

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