UNofficial Pre-Rally Thread [R?]

The intrepid G. Rex peers into his crystal ball and foresees...

4:30PM - Lot 8 begins to fill with tailgaters. CSC staff take action.

4:45 - Ryan Nelsen drives through Lot 8, with the championship trophy firmly in a two-fisted grasp. Fortunately, he's having a New Zeland flashback, and is in the passenger seat on the right-hand-side of the vehicle. The latest winner of that "The Bachelor" contest, a hot blonde only identified as "Best Selling Author and Film Star Jenna J." is at the wheel, and has "somehow" convinced Nelsen to stay in the US. Do the math, fellas.

4:45:01 - Mad drumming and chanting commence. CSC staff take action.

5:03 - Freddie arrives, and chats with the crowd. Someone, possibly Duff Man, slips him a draft. Freddie politely declines.

5:30 - Talon announces that the gates are open. Nobody budges.

5:31 - Metrodog, the Metro Dog, makes a similar announcement. Hundreds rush in, chanting, "Metro Playoff Failure! Metro Playoff Failure! Oooh-ay-YAY-OH!" CSC staff take no action.

5:32 - Stadium staff are still not ready to sell undercooked hot dogs on soggy buns.

5:33 - The Beer Vendor Guy With the Really Cool Can-Opener Gizmo arrives to vend spectacular snacks (prepared with his own patented contraption), and ice-cold beer of every variety. Yay!

6:00 - "Interactive games" start on the field. Unfortunately, these games are limited to "Madden 2004" and "Doom."

6:30 - President and General Manager Kevin Payne arrives at the podium. He announces, "The era of Bobby Convey is over! My daughter is now dating..." Lost in the cheers is the name of the person KP's daughter is actually dating.

6:40 - Mayor Anthony A. Williams takes the mike. The crowd chants, "We want an SSS!" His Honor whispers a question to an aide, who has no idea what an "SSS" is. CSC staff take action.

6:45 - CSC staff once again, for no particular reason, take action. MPD takes action. DC United supporters breathe a sigh of relief. Mayor Williams is astonished.

6:50 - Kevin Payne annouces, to the delight of the women in the audience, that "that Fabio-looking guy from the New Jersey Stallions" has agreed to replace Earnie Stewart on the roster. The men in the crowd gaze up at the press box, only to see the new Chivas Lite coach Thomas Rongen gazing back.

6:58 - Ryan Nelsen finally emerges from "The Captain's Area" of the locker room, the trophy on one arm, and the aforementioned Best Selling Author on the other. He announces, "I didn't realize it would take that long. To get back from LA, that is." Mad drumming and chanting ensue.

6:59 - A plane, toting a banner, drops Uncle Phil into the stadium on a parachute, accompanied by Virgin chairman RICHARD BRANSON! Uncle Phil, in his first public announcement in more than a decade officially declares: "The star inside the logo, officially, and once and for all, it can now be said, ..." Branson looks up and shouts, "That's my new airline - on the banner - NEGNOR ERIF!"

7:45 - Two guys named Rocky and Gazza turn off the lights at RFK.

Sorry, the crystal ball is growing dim...

-G. Rex

 

6:30:35 - Dick Vermeil counsels MikeLastort2.

 

Any time of the day or night - Rev and or G. Rex run around indoors or out, screaming... DC United! DC United!