The worst offense... ever!

Discussion in 'D.C. United' started by Sandon Mibut, Jul 29, 2002.

  1. Sandon Mibut

    Sandon Mibut Member+

    Feb 13, 2001
    That's right boys and girls, your curent version of DC United is on pace to be, statistically, the worst offense in the brief history of Major League Soccer.

    In 1999, Bora's pathetic MetroStars, considered the worst one-season team in league history, scored 32 goals in as many games for a goals-per-game average of 1.00.

    This year, United has scored 19 goals in as many games. At first glance, that would seem to equal the MetroStars lowly per-game average of 3 years ago, BUT, 99 was the last shootout year, meaning the Metros did not play any overtime games.

    By contrast, DC has played 5 over time games for 32 minutes of extra soccer. Therefore, divided 19.33, United's goals-per-game average is 0.98, making United the worst offensive team in league history.

    Obviously, the team still has a chance to pull themselves past the MetroStars average and as the playoffs are basically a lost cause, not ending the season as the worst offensive team in MLS history is my new goal for United.

    To meet this goal, United has to score 10 goals in it's last 9 games, which, given its recent output, seems a little unrealisitc but, hey, it's important to set the bar, ahem, high and to shoot for, uh, lofty goals.

    So there it is - 10 goals in the final 9 games to avoid ignominity that currently belongs to our most-hated rivals.

    And best of all, we have 3 games against the MetroDonkeys so we have a chance to avoid this record against the team that already holds the mark.

    C'mon Ray - You and the "lads" can do it!
  2. Jose L. Couso

    Jose L. Couso New Member

    Jul 31, 2000
    Arlington, VA
    Interesting perspective.

    Of course with the Metrodonkeys defense, DC United should have no problem surpassing the dreaded mark.
  3. BudWiser

    BudWiser New Member

    Jul 17, 2000
    Falls Church, VA
    Don't forget they also gave up the most goals, 64 (2 a game):

    MetroStars '99 was one of the greatest years I've ever had as a fan. I had the most heartfelt, deep-inside laughter watching that team lose over and over again and get so frustrated

    I can never hate the MetroStars after that year. I actually root for them to win the whole thing

    With Gazza, Olsen, and Quintanilla, we will score more. If we can get into the playoffs, watch out....

    I still think we can make something good come of this year, but obviously we have to start winning and soon. Ties won't do it anymore

    Do not even threaten me with DC = Metros '99. That is just wrong
  4. Jose L. Couso

    Jose L. Couso New Member

    Jul 31, 2000
    Arlington, VA
    Take two aspirin and call me in the morning! ;)
  5. DCU

    DCU Member

    Feb 15, 1999
    Bay Area, CA
    Sandon Mibut has long struck me as insipid. That impression has been amplified.
  6. Cweedchop

    Cweedchop Member+

    Mar 6, 2000
    Ellicott City, Md
    Re: Re: The worst offense... ever!

    Weren't we all kind of saying this before our game against NE?

    NE is on pace to be the worst defensive team in MLS history and we have been shut out twice by them..

    I wouldn't put too much faith in United beating the 1.0 goals per game mark based on our recent form..

    Don't forget that Colorado in 98' I believe went the last 7 league games without scoring a goal.. I'm not saying that's going to happen to United, but it does have all the makings of that happening at the moment as no one seems to be able to find the net..
  7. Soccer-Six-Shooter

    Soccer-Six-Shooter New Member

    Jan 17, 2002
    Arlington, VA
    Alright lets go for the record!

  8. 1MADDOG

    1MADDOG New Member

    Aug 15, 2000
    I have a feeling Sandon Mibut never has to worry about finding a job no matter how bad the economy gets.

    Damn, I hope we dont exchange any records with the metros this year, or ever. Talk about a bad trade.
  9. Footer Phooter

    Jul 23, 2000
    Falls Church, VA
    Re: Re: Re: The worst offense... ever!

    Didn't KC go about 6-7 games to open one season without scoring?
  10. Topo

    Topo Member

    Feb 15, 2001
    Well, at least they have a goal to shoot for. If they score less than 10 goals in the next 9 games, they can set a record.
  11. MeridianFC

    MeridianFC Member

    Jul 26, 1999
    Washington, DC USA
    No personal attacks.
  12. TEConnor

    TEConnor New Member

    Feb 22, 1999
    In a way, you could say that was not an insult...bear with me here:

    If Sandon was, in fact, insipid...then he lacked shape, was dull, flat. If he has become "amplified" then he is now, in fact, NOT dull or flat but has shape.

    So, Sandon, congrats on your new found shape.

  13. John_Harkes_6

    John_Harkes_6 New Member

    Mar 29, 2000
    Baltimore, MD.
    Why is it that every time I read the title of this thread I think of the Simpsons and the comic book guy:

    This is the worse episode ever!
  14. Big Head Ed

    Big Head Ed New Member

    Jun 25, 2002
    Landenberg, PA
  15. dcc134

    dcc134 Member+

    Liverpool FC
    May 15, 2000
    Hummelstown, PA
    Liverpool FC
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    I would argue that it isn't statistically correct to add the overtime minutes into the goals per game average. If you want to compare goals per minute that would be a more appropriate comparision regarding overtime.

    Therefore we are currently tied for the worst goals per game average.
  16. dsylvest

    dsylvest Member

    Jan 18, 1999
    i would argue that our team sucks most definitively.

    we really do. i love 'em but good GOD we suck.
  17. TEConnor

    TEConnor New Member

    Feb 22, 1999
    And really, it's the absolute worstest kind of sucking: all-talent, no-delivery, beautiful-buildup, no-finish. The team needs soccer viagra in the biggest way...we're impotent and our fans' collective testostirone is at an all-time low. . . h e l p . . .
  18. Wizardscharter

    Wizardscharter New Member

    Jul 25, 2001
    Blue Springs, MO
    Set your goals high.

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