The things we hear is back - 2021,22 and more edition

We have a guy in our chapter who, not content to share the message with captains, belts it out in full throat for the benefit of the wider group. Learned pretty quickly not to stand next to him at the coin toss.

 

I had a men's game. At the coin toss, the CR is going blah blah blah blah blah. At the end, he says "Anyone have any questions?"

I piped in "Yeah, what do I do if it burns when I pee?"

Sooooo hopeful he never asked *that* question at a coin toss again.

 

It may mean that you are trying to pass a very small kidney stone.

If I ask for any questions, I sometimes add, "And don't ask me the capital of the Central African Republic."

 

Some cute little U10 or so player asked, "What's your favorite color?"

I pointed to my shirt and said, "Yellow."

 

What's the air speed of an unladen swallow?

 

Help, help, I'm bein' assessed!

 

Is it an African or European?

 

When I was a teenager (decades ago) doing U10ish games I'd have just captains out there, look at one of them, and say, "So do you have the coin to toss?" It got some confused & interesting responses.

Also from time to time when I still had my whistle in my pocket from pregame but everyone was lined up to kick off I would look at the kids standing over the ball and say, "You got a whistle on you?" Sometimes you have to keep yourself entertained.

 

I tend to have fun with check-ins. "Let me see your shin guards. OK, nasty metal spikes like a James Bond villain? (Not they'll get the reference.) Watches, earrings, engagement rings ..."

 

With wee ones I go with track spikes and ballerina slippers, and recently a freckly meatball looked at me incredulously when I aaked about toe rings. We have a duty to broaden their horizons.

 

Here are some things that I haven’t heard before.

I’m officiating a u10 girls AYSO game and a player trips another carelessly. After I blow the whistle to call, the offender says, “I’m sorry.”

During the next game, which was the same level, a girl knocks the ball down with her hand. I call the foul. The girl asks me what she did. I say that she committed a “handball.” The girl said, “I’ve never heard of that before.” Now I realize that u10 is not a very high level of soccer, but it seems weird that at u10, a player should know about handballs or handling.

 

I LOVE when I do a game where the players are still kids that haven't been turned into ultra-competitive monsters by their parents/siblings/coaches. The apologizing, admittance of a foul, etc. is just what we need...

Which leads into a very fun story. Doing a MLS Next game this morning. Really entertaining game, open play, both teams going at it as they need the points to secure playoff position. Midway through the second half a player commits a very obvious SPA foul. Drags the guy down after pulling his shirt for a good 4 or 5 yards. I have the card out, no arguments, we move on.

About 15 minutes later, the game still 0-0, the same player, in what can only be described as one of the stupidest things I've ever seen a player do, interferes with the opposing GK during a punt. In fact, he flicks the ball with his foot as the GK punts it. I was not expecting ANYTHING like this so, as center, have made my way up to midfield for the expected punt/landing zone. I luckily catch the play as it happens, but am honestly dumbfounded for a half second. Did that same kid REALLY just do that? AT THIS LEVEL? As I run back to the spot of the offence, I turn to my AR and say "that was number xx correct?". The last thing I want is to give out a second yellow and ejection when in fact it was just the kids first yellow.

In that moment - which took maybe 5 seconds - the director of the home teams GOES OFF. Making comments that ranged from "you have no idea what you're doing" to "This is why Utah refs ********ing suck". Which was just amazing to hear given how blatant this situation was.

As I get to the player to give the yellow and subsequent red, he just looks at me and shakes his head. Under his breath? he says "sorry". Was that directed at me? Very unlikely. But man, in that moment, I was doing the dumb and dumber commentary in my head. Just when I thought you couldn't be dumber... It took all my will not to smile - something the moment did not call for, at all.

 

So how did that director fare under Utah’s zero tolerance policy?

 

Had a momentary rush of "aha, gotcha!" followed by the realization, alas, that policy only covers games under the jurisdiction of UYSA.

 

This
Though it was included in the match report. We’ll see what the league does

 

All the monkeying around with handball has people confused about what it really means. (Perhaps I should say more confused”….)

 

I think that it was a lot easier when it was the old handling vs handball distinction. It used to be a lot easier to say, "Did the hand play the ball or did the ball play the hand?"

 

I think far too much is made of handling, especially in the middle third, by coaches. It's borderline ridiculous. up there with getting heated on a throw-in at midfield being such a point of contention just to be followed with an immediate turnover.

Just play the damn game

 

Agreed. Or simply: "Not deliberate, keep playing." (I used "not deliberate" in a HS game and got grief "he doesn't even know it changed!" Sigh. "Not deliberate," is so easy to say quickly. What am I supposed to do now? "Not deliberate and his arm was not in an unnatural position for what he was doing and he wasn't an attacker who immediately scored!")

 

State cup finals yesterday. Lucky enough to get assigned as a 4th on the u17 game.

Score is 4-0 just 20 mins in. One team showed up to play, the other is shell shocked. Team down 4 gets their forward through for a 1v2 against the CB's of the other team about 25 yards from goal. CB1 attempts a slide tackle but misses the ball AND takes down the player. CB2 is in a great covering spot and clears the ball away. Center blows the whistle and has his yellow card out right away. Caution given.

What I just described sounds about as clear of a SPA as you could get, right? Well, if you're the coach of the team up 4-0 who committed the foul, the following is apparently your argument:

1. "That was our first foul, how is it a yellow card?!" (note, it was not their first foul)
2. (upon remembering it was probably their 2nd or 3rd foul) "That's her first foul!"
3. "I want an explanation of how that is a yellow card!" I proceed to explain that the opposing team was on a promising attack, in their final third, and the defender fouled her with a poorly timed slide tackle.
4. The coach absorbs this information, and says "But we had another defender right there! She cleared the ball away!". To which I say "yeah, and that's why it wasn't a red card for DOGSO"

Coach grumbles and goes back to the other end of his technical area. AR1 and I have a laugh about it as he's at midfield with me, awaiting the free kick to be taken.

Near the end of the half the team down 4-0 (that's how the game ended, in fact) makes a slide tackle at midfield. Not nearly as wreckless as the one before, and nowhere near as dangerous of an area for the team being fouled. Does the coach care about those facts? Of course not. He's going off on me about it being the same foul. To which I just say "no, it's not". Which probably wasn't the best thing to say.

I've never seen a coach so convinced that an officiating crew was biased against them in a game they were up 4-0 in. He couldn't accept that his team ever committed a foul. He couldn't believe that the other team wasn't getting yellow cards. It was sad because his players started to parrot the same nonsense. "Oh this ref doesn't like us" or "He's just trying to level the game for them". You're about to win state cup, 4-0 no less, and this is where your focus is? Get off of it.

 

"He's just trying to level the game for them." Caution, unsporting behavior.

 

I think it's very funny that coaches/players still somehow have this belief that persistent infringement is the most common time a YC should be given. Reckless and SPA are probably BY FAR the most common reasons YCs are shown. I have to tell a coach why a foul was SPA quite frequently, which usually involves pointing at all the field space or attackers/defenders in front of the fouled player.

And you also got the classic "that's the same foul as the YC, why is that not yellow", when no two fouls are ever really identical, there's always some speed/force/angle/point of contact/mode of contact/location of field that is different. I think saying "no it wasn't" isn't a problem. If he asks you to expand and you do, he's not going to suddenly say "wow, you're right, never thought about it like that!" anyway.