After reading through who-knows-how-many threads on why Kerry lost, what went wrong, and what do the Dems need to do to win America back, or just crying in their beer and threatening to leave the country, I've come to a conclusion. Democrats are weenies. You are the notorious SoccerFan. You are the pock-faced whiner in the front right corner of the classroom who consoles himself by telling himself and everyone else he's right, even if nobody likes him enough to give a sh!t. So why am I writing this? I am a Republican. I voted for Bush. I think Reagan was one of America's most effective heroes ever. So why should you care what I think? Here's a dirty little secret I keep to myself when I go to the KKK meetings with the rest of my wealthy peers. You can win me. You Democrats can get my vote. But not without some radical change in your party - a complete reevaluation and possible overhaul of everything you think Democrats should stand for versus everything they really should stand for. To wit: Number one, stop being p ussies. Make up your mind right now that when you identify the values that really get your blood burning, you are going to stand by them and articulate them every chance you get. Don't shy away from them. Don't eschew them even if it means you lose an election or two. They're too important, and in the long-run, changing your values and views only confuses and makes your base despondant. Number two, and this will be the hard part. Identify two things. What are your values, your ideals, etc, and what are simply methods to help you achieve those values. Separate them. Disconnect them. Emotionally detach yourself from your methods. Hold to your ideals as if they were your own little aborted fetus. Number three, and this will be even harder than number two. Prepare to conduct a full-scale examination on whether or not the methods you've been using to achieve your ideals actually work. If not - or even more importantly, if there is a better way to achieve your ideals - let go of the old way of doing things. Adapt. Change. Move on. So let's go through a hypothetical excercise here, in blue... I'm a hypothetical Democrat. I believe in helping the poor. That's my ideal. Doing what is right for the greater good, even if it means sacrificing some of my own comforts, is near and dear to me. The method I have been using for the past who-knows-how-long is to blame somebody else for poor people. Poor people don't want to be poor. That's stupid. Who the hell would want that? So I'll blame the rich. I'll say they aren't giving back as much as they should. And I'm right damnit. Look at all these statistics that say I'm right. Listen to me! I'll keep saying it, damnit! Listen to me! AAARGH! OK, so I've lost a few elections. It's time to reevaluate what me and my party are all about. What to do? Hey, this Nutmeg guy has an idea. Maybe I'll try it out. Hmm - quit being a weenie? Yeah, I don't want to be a weenie. I'll stop doing that. Easy enough. Identify and separate my ideals and methods. Wait - my methods are my ideals, aren't they? They're not. They lied to me? They lied to me? Wait - am I being a weenie again? Oops. Moving on. OK - ideal - I want to help the poor. Absolutely. I believe in that. Who doesn't. Nutmeg says I should make that perfectly clear. OK, world, the ideal of my party is to HELP THE POOR. Next - the method. Hmmm - more taxes, especially on those rich bastards. Damn straight. ************ing evil misers. Wait - I'm getting pissed about this again. I can't be emotional about my methods. Detach. Deep breaths. Detach. Wheeeeeew. Deep breaths. OK - analyze. Has my method been working? Do I have any data that points me to factual evidence that it might not be working? Can my hypothesis that taxing the wealthy helps the poor be proven false? If so, what other methods are available to me? Wait - this is hard. I have to think for myself. I have to be creative. I have to stop swallowing everything my leaders are telling me. Am I sure I want to do this? Democrats - if you want my vote, and to start making inroads in states where your ass has been handed to you, you'd start better doing something... The truth is your party has some ideals that I absolutely believe in, and I think most of America does, too. What a lot of us disagree with are your methods. I think we should help the poor, too. But I don't think we should start by blaming somebody else. I think we should find a way to get people access to health care, too, but I don't think more taxes is necessarily the right answer. Not without proof. And so on. Good night - I look forward to seeing myself get ripped to shreds in the morning.