I'm sure a good portion of the people on this board have been to the effete gathering known as a poetry/fiction reading and/or the little rowdier version known as an open mike poetry slam. I thought I would make a thread where you can toss in the worst lines of poetry you've ever heard read at one of these establishments. We were at this slam in Ann Arbor years ago, and this woman just kept going on and on with this extremely self-indulgent poem. The only line I remember from it was one that my friends and I would recite whenever we ran into something of talentless pretension --- " I am an owl/A predator." We would look at each other at those times, say that, and just crack up. From that same place, perhaps another evening or perhaps not, I caught a glimpse insides of this would-be poet's folder. The poem on top was entitled, "A Centipede Called Jesus." I have no idea what the poem was like, but that's the title I use when mocking a bad poem.
Two jump to mind. A poem about lost love: "lost a glove on the sidewalk today california sliding into the ocean." And from someone writing a really long poem about a trip to Mexico, which you have to be at least 40 years old to really appreciate and to know why this guy earned the name The Mazola Kid in the local poetry scene: "blah blah blah and the train rolled through golden fields of maize, we call it corn..."
I ran a poetry reading for awhile back in my hometown. Was one hell of a time. It lasted for a little over a year before I moved. We had probably about 15 regulars, of which about five were really serious about the craft. A friend of mine helped me run it and we always talked about how there wasn't a reading that we didn't walk away going 'wtf was that'. The first horrible line that pops into my mind right away..... 'high five my soul.' We had another guy do a poem about trains that consisted of nothing but, 'choo choos and woo woos'. Was a riot. We had a fair amount of women that would come up and read from their little notebooks full of poems about failed love and why nobody loves me and oh woe is me crap. Was always a good time when one of them broke down crying while reading. My favorite though... We usually had a fair amount of people that once they got enough jager in them (our drink of choice) would come up to me and want to read something at the end. They never intended to read and didn't have anything with them so they would try and do it off the top of their heads. One guy, who we had been trying to get to read for some time gave it ago. He was rather drunk and couldn't remember a single word. Instead he started rambling on about picking his nose and placing what he found between his teeth and scratching the crack of his ass and then shaking hands. Getting him away from the stage was a nightmare. We did have some really good poets as well. A fair amount of us have since seen some works make their way into publications. We also had a regular that won an NEA which was very cool.
Poetry slams are intended to be a pretty tough audience, at least the ones we ran. We had one about every three months at the regular poetry reading I ran. If you read a poem about your dead grandmother, or that bitch that broke your heart, a sunset, stars, or anything along those lines....you would be lucky to get out alive. Slams are a blast, but you had better make sure you have your stuff together before reading at one. We warned most people that if you hadn't read before that breaking the ice at one of our slams was a pretty bad idea. I do recommend for anybody that reads poetry to at least go to a reading and give reading a shot. Sometimes getting reactions, good and bad, from an audience that isn't familar with your work does wonders. It also gives you a better feel for the beat of a poem, where best to place breaks, etc.
I'd be the first to admit that every piece of poetry I've ever written has sucked badly, but I can not go to a slam and not end up cracking up at much of the nonsense that passes as art at these things. Not everything I see/hear is crap, but a whole lot of it is. I usually feel like I'm in the middle of an SNL sketch. I have, however, seen some cool stuff at the Bowery Poetry Club, particularly works that are performed by rappers in a non-musical setting.
That's right on every count (and I assume that "stuff" refers to "poetry that you have confidence in and that you've read in front of people before" as well as "psychological conditioning"). Therapy-Poems that you read in front of an audience which is there to be entertained, and which when bored starts to entertain itself, will be eaten alive. I don't usually endorse books for "idiots" or "dummies" but this one is pretty good. I always give props to the guy who invented the poetry slam at the Green Mill in Chicago because I won $50 there one Sunday night, and also because the founder went to the same college as MLS stalwarts as David Dir, Ted Eck, Tommy Soehn, as well as myself..., of course: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/t...f=sr_1_1/002-2998350-7382402?v=glance&s=books
I imagine that the people in the crowd, those that are serious about poetry, don't pass it off as art either. You can usually tell those who have spent time on what they are reading, rather than just bring up something they wrote on their lunch break. It is a lot like an open mike. I have been to a lot and have heard some really good musicians, but the ones that have sucked far outnumber those that were good. A lot of it depends on where you read or go to listen. A lot of it depends on the talents of the group putting the thing together and how they run it. We always told people that when they would read would not be in the order of their sign-up. It allowed us to mix up the good and bad poets, or at least the ones we thought were good or bad. If we had a couple of weaker poets in a row, in order to keep the attention of the crowd we would get one of the poets that did a pretty good job. I agree completely though, a good deal of the time it is an SNL skit. That really seems to be the route that a lot of poetry readings are going and seems to be the group that the audience is really drawn too. I think a good deal of it has to do with the influence of pop culture and the inability of some poets to connect with people that don't read much poetry. A good deal of poets take a large amount of pride in their works being filled with important scrabble words, I don't mind big words in poetry.....but don't force me to have a dictionary at hand while I listen to you. Gotta love slampapi, Marc Smith. Never seen him live, would love to though.
Understand that you don´t like the "dear diary" approach to poetry. Stuff best kept under the covers, with the little lock on the book, to be sure. But what are you looking for in particular, then? Creative use of metaphor? Rhyming scheme? Meter? Facility with the Shakespearean sonnet form? Do tell.
Actually, as someone who just published a short story that is, to an extent, "dear diary" in nature dressed up with some decent-quality artiness, I actually think that's valuable. I think stories need to be more .... wrought ...... because writing is getting less and less connected to the writer, IMO ........ the problem is that in the hands of less talented writers, someone with no broader sense, the "dear diary" approach is a bloody disaster. And you run into that a great deal at poetry slams. Love "High five my soul." Too funny.