How Chelsea won the league/The Empire will strike back

Discussion in 'Manchester United' started by Invincible, Jul 12, 2005.

  1. Invincible

    Invincible Member+

    Mar 28, 2004
    Lokomotiv Stepanolivskicvh Chelsinkski
    ~~~~~~~aka "Chelsea"~~~~~~~~~


    To honor the new champions of English football, I have composed a little jingle. It goes to the beat of the "Gilligan's Island" theme. Here goes!

    Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale
    a tale of a team who's sh|t
    They're the team that bought the title
    just 3 years ago they were sixth

    Then along came the wealthy Russian man
    with sacks full of dirty money
    Signing players like there's no tommorow
    with the help of ex-KGB

    They're managed by a cocky git
    who goes by the name of Jose
    Does he compare to Fergie?
    Nooo Way; Noo-oh-oh-way

    They're the team known as Chelsea, in their mind they are hot
    with Mourinho, Bald Kenyon too,
    the Billionaire, and his mob,
    Donkey Drogba, Essien and Mikel,
    one by one they'll be shot.

    Now that's out of the way, let me break down exactly how "Chelsea" made this meteoric rise to fame and fortune. First we will explain how they do their transfer dealings.


    In the above image, Roman Abramovic is pictured with his fellow Russians interrogating a young Nigerian boy by the name of Obi Mikel. Click for larger image. This is just one case of many, many interrogations that have occurred in Russia's underground facilities, long since abandoned after the cold war.

    Abramovic hires mercenaries and ex-KGB to 'negotiate' his transfer dealings. It's rumoured that transfer targets are taken to a facility in Siberia, where they are kept in cages. They are interrogated, probed in the anus, forced to listen to propoganda until they break. For the especially tough, toothless siberian bear cubs are brought in to chew on their flaccid penises or should I say "penii" or "penor" until they break.

    When these targets are released, they often come to the media and claim their 'admiration' for 'Chelsea', and express their 'desire' to play for them. Then HIV positive Peter Kenyon buys them for ridiculous prices (ex. Didier "I cant shoot for sh|t" Donkey Drogba).

    Finally, who manages this lean, mean russian machine? Why el tw@to himself Jose "I sing to the beat of my own tune" Mourinho. 'Nuff said.




    Now who can stop this mighty team? They are boasting a new English empire, declaring the Era of Sir Alex over. But as we all know, you never turn your back on a wounded dog. Sir Alex aka Darth Ferg, is plotting a new attack.

    Located at their Sith stronghold in Carrington, Lord Ferg and his apprentice, Roy Keane, train up and coming apprentices in the ways of the Sith. Even deeper in the background, Dark Lord of the Sith, Emperor Glazorious, pulls the strings. Chelsea better watch their back.

    Emperor Glazorious' preferred attacks: Leech Spirit. He leeches the funds of a club until they are deep in the red, then he strikes his foes down.

    Lord Fergie's preferred attacks: Mind Crush; He gets into the minds of his opponent to inspire fear and cowardice. Blowdryer; He revives his teams at half time with an almighty blast of hot air coming from his mouth.

    Roy Keane's preferred attacks: Rampage; Using his incandecent rage, he goes about breaking body parts, throwin punches and squaring up to cocky French bastards.

    That is all for now folks.
  2. Achtung

    Achtung Member

    Jul 19, 2002
    Manchester United FC
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Best thread ever? ;) :cool:
  3. FIFARay007

    FIFARay007 Member

    Feb 25, 2004
    Manchester United FC
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Classic dude!
  4. Hawki

    Hawki New Member

    May 4, 2005
    NorCal, USA
    If this doesn't return the Glory .... I'm not sure what will.

    May the farce be with you!!!
  5. jayro75

    jayro75 Member

    Sep 8, 2004
    Absolutely brilliant........ :D

    Must spread Rep...... D'oh....
  6. johno

    johno Member+

    Jul 15, 2003
    in the wind
    Manchester United FC
    Nat'l Team:
    Rep him guys... rep him good... lol, nice one invinceble, must have taken you awhile.
  7. MikeyM

    MikeyM New Member

    Jan 4, 2002
    Frisco, TX.
    Manchester United FC
    That is Greatness! :D
  8. HjkF50

    HjkF50 New Member

    May 1, 2005
  9. MtP07

    MtP07 BigSoccer Supporter

    Jan 3, 2005
    Reeeeeeeeeppped! :cool:
  10. Invincible

    Invincible Member+

    Mar 28, 2004
    Glad you all like it. ;)
  11. Rewinder

    Rewinder Member+

    Jun 24, 2004
    Arsenal FC
    probably the most repped post in bigsoccer history.

    the gunners are with you on this! :)

    (or at least i am)
  12. Numquam Moribimur

    May 30, 2005
    Manchester United FC
    Class Class :)
  13. hawk_claw

    hawk_claw New Member

    Aug 14, 2003
    i wanna see something as good as this about arsenal....good times 43849823408230434234
  14. NUFCBayern

    NUFCBayern Moderator
    Staff Member

    Apr 9, 2004
    Columbus, OH
    FC Bayern München
    Repped. And I'm not even a Manchester United fan.
  15. Motterman

    Motterman Member

    Jul 8, 2002
    Orlando, FL
    Manchester United FC
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Hehe.... "Mind Crush".... brilliant. :D
  16. DutchFootballRulez

    Jul 15, 2003
    Baltimore, MD
    FC Barcelona
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    He forgot Rooney's "Persuasive Profanity" techniques, where he makes long, outstanding, obscenity-laced runs that coupled with his amazing footwork and wonderful technique leave defenders and goalkeepers stupefied and keeps Match Officials in a state of confusion over his antics.
  17. StrikerCW

    StrikerCW Member

    Jul 10, 2001
    Perth, WA
    Manchester United FC
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Damn, must spread rep.

    Not totally original but extremely creative it is indeed Greatness.
  18. hkeat

    hkeat New Member

    Sep 30, 2004
    good one. u managed to compile most things one hilarious story. love the poem :D
  19. prk166

    prk166 BigSoccer Supporter

    Aug 8, 2000
    Med City


  20. Cou5

    Cou5 New Member

    Mar 24, 2004
    right here...
    Manchester United FC
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
  21. Motterman

    Motterman Member

    Jul 8, 2002
    Orlando, FL
    Manchester United FC
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
  22. takshak

    takshak New Member

    Dec 1, 2004
    Manchester United FC
    Class absolute class :)
  23. Invincible

    Invincible Member+

    Mar 28, 2004
  24. Vocalz

    Vocalz ManUtd! SLB! Pt!

    Dec 31, 2005
    lol @ this necro
  25. Bronaldo

    Bronaldo Red Card

    Apr 8, 2007
    And now I know why Vince is a hero.

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