Lokomotiv Stepanolivskicvh Chelsinkski ~~~~~~~aka "Chelsea"~~~~~~~~~ To honor the new champions of English football, I have composed a little jingle. It goes to the beat of the "Gilligan's Island" theme. Here goes! Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale a tale of a team who's sh|t They're the team that bought the title just 3 years ago they were sixth Then along came the wealthy Russian man with sacks full of dirty money Signing players like there's no tommorow with the help of ex-KGB They're managed by a cocky git who goes by the name of Jose Does he compare to Fergie? Nooo Way; Noo-oh-oh-way They're the team known as Chelsea, in their mind they are hot with Mourinho, Bald Kenyon too, the Billionaire, and his mob, Donkey Drogba, Essien and Mikel, one by one they'll be shot. Now that's out of the way, let me break down exactly how "Chelsea" made this meteoric rise to fame and fortune. First we will explain how they do their transfer dealings. In the above image, Roman Abramovic is pictured with his fellow Russians interrogating a young Nigerian boy by the name of Obi Mikel. Click for larger image. This is just one case of many, many interrogations that have occurred in Russia's underground facilities, long since abandoned after the cold war. Abramovic hires mercenaries and ex-KGB to 'negotiate' his transfer dealings. It's rumoured that transfer targets are taken to a facility in Siberia, where they are kept in cages. They are interrogated, probed in the anus, forced to listen to propoganda until they break. For the especially tough, toothless siberian bear cubs are brought in to chew on their flaccid penises or should I say "penii" or "penor" until they break. When these targets are released, they often come to the media and claim their 'admiration' for 'Chelsea', and express their 'desire' to play for them. Then HIV positive Peter Kenyon buys them for ridiculous prices (ex. Didier "I cant shoot for sh|t" Donkey Drogba). Finally, who manages this lean, mean russian machine? Why el tw@to himself Jose "I sing to the beat of my own tune" Mourinho. 'Nuff said. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Now who can stop this mighty team? They are boasting a new English empire, declaring the Era of Sir Alex over. But as we all know, you never turn your back on a wounded dog. Sir Alex aka Darth Ferg, is plotting a new attack. Located at their Sith stronghold in Carrington, Lord Ferg and his apprentice, Roy Keane, train up and coming apprentices in the ways of the Sith. Even deeper in the background, Dark Lord of the Sith, Emperor Glazorious, pulls the strings. Chelsea better watch their back. Emperor Glazorious' preferred attacks: Leech Spirit. He leeches the funds of a club until they are deep in the red, then he strikes his foes down. Lord Fergie's preferred attacks: Mind Crush; He gets into the minds of his opponent to inspire fear and cowardice. Blowdryer; He revives his teams at half time with an almighty blast of hot air coming from his mouth. Roy Keane's preferred attacks: Rampage; Using his incandecent rage, he goes about breaking body parts, throwin punches and squaring up to cocky French bastards. ---------------------------------------------------------- That is all for now folks.
probably the most repped post in bigsoccer history. the gunners are with you on this! (or at least i am)
He forgot Rooney's "Persuasive Profanity" techniques, where he makes long, outstanding, obscenity-laced runs that coupled with his amazing footwork and wonderful technique leave defenders and goalkeepers stupefied and keeps Match Officials in a state of confusion over his antics.