Have we forgotten someone?

Discussion in 'Ireland' started by closey, Sep 5, 2002.

  1. closey

    closey New Member

    Jul 26, 2002
    Not my doing but some funny made up stuff anyhow.


    In all the fuss over Roy Keane's latest dive off the deep end, haven't we
    forgotten someone?

    The man who was on the receiving end of Keane's elbow in Saturday's
    bad-tempered 1-1 draw at Sunderland? The man who, quite brilliantly,
    responded to He Of The Bulging Vein's on-field jibes by mimicking writing
    them all down in a book? The man who, in the wake of Keano's sacking from
    Ireland's World Cup camp, revealed that the departed skipper had taken to
    gnomic utterances like "fail to prepare; prepare to fail" and "only dead
    fish go with the flow"?

    We're talking about the man who said he'd rather read a Bob The Builder book
    than Keane's autobiography. The man who then joked that the Irish camp were
    planning a whip-round to buy one copy of the tome "so we don't make Roy any
    richer than he is already". And, ironically, the man who will replace Keane
    as captain when Ireland play Finland this week?

    Step forward Jason McAteer... and these are among the other highlights of
    your brilliant career so far.

    1) After dumping Jase, former girlfriend Donna Air told an interviewer,
    "I wouldn't date any more footballers - they're not the brightest of
    people." Which is saying something as Donna is famous for once asking
    brother-and-sisters bodhran botherers The Corrs how they met.

    2) On spotting another famous face in a Dublin nightclub, Jason decided
    to make the star feel welcome by yelling out a catchphrase he would
    naturally be familiar with. What snooker's Jimmy White made of the sudden
    cry "One hundred and eighty!" is sadly not recorded.

    3) Jason's nickname is Trigger, after the Only Fools And Horses
    character ("If it's a girl, they're gonna call it Rose, after Del's mum. And
    if it's a boy, they're gonna call it Rodney, after Dave"). This caused
    problems when he first arrived at Liverpool as Rob Jones, then regarded as
    the least cerebral player at Anfield, already owned the name. In recognition
    of his superior claim, however, McAteer was later christened 'Double

    4) According to former Blackburn team-mates, Jason's greatest moment
    came on a squad night out to an Italian restaurant. Asked by the waitress
    whether he wanted his pizza cut up into eighths, McAteer is alleged to have
    replied, "Nah, I'm not that hungry - just cut it into four."

    5) In another possibly apocryphal (that means it might be made up, Jason)
    story, McAteer is reckoned to have asked a Liverpool team-mate what to put
    in the space marked 'Position In Company' on a credit card application form.
    According to legend, the source of McAteer's confusion was that "I'm a
    central midfielder but the boss is playing me at right wing-back."

    6) Jason is a keen gourmet. After Ireland qualified for the second
    stage of the 1994 World Cup finals, he spent the night eating Chicken
    McNuggets while sitting on the bonnet of a stretch limousine in New York's
    Times Square in the company of U2 bassist Adam Clayton. Among his happiest
    memories of first club Bolton are "getting out on my own and going down to
    Tesco to buy my favourite biscuits". Jason also believes Gerard Houllier's
    biggest mistake at Liverpool has been ordering the players to abandon their
    morning ritual of eating toast before training.

    7) Many cruel folk have suggested that Jason doesn't know much at all.
    But according to the voiceover on his bewildering 1998 Head And Shoulders
    advert, "Jason knows he can have it all". In this case, "it all" appeared to
    involve soaping himself homoerotically with the well-known salve for the
    flaky-scalped. L'Oreal hawker David Ginola was said to be "not losing much
    sleep" over our boy's performance.

    8) Jason calls his best friend "a deep thinker... he could easily be a
    news reporter". Jason's best friend is Phil Babb.

    9) Ireland's otherwise unremarkable World Cup warmup match against
    Sanfreece Hiroshima was memorable for two things: a dreadful late foul upon
    our hero by Tulio and Jason's subsequent assessment of his injury, picked up
    expertly by Sky's pitchside microphones for broadcast to the watching
    millions back home: "My knee's f***ed! My knee's f***ed!" Needless to say,
    it wasn't.

    10) Ireland team-mate Ian Harte says: "The other week Jason gave a Ralph
    Lauren polo shirt to his mum to wash and those shirts are longer at the back
    than at the front. His mum didn't spot this until after she'd washed it,
    thought she'd shrunk the front, and so cut the back to make both sides
    equal. He says that's where he gets his stupidity from."
  2. Conor74

    Conor74 New Member

    Aug 12, 2002
    SW Ireland
    I may be a newbie but I will not be plagiarised. Actaully, I only cut and pasted from some e-mail.

    But on the Leeds Rivals site a few weeks back Sigmund posted a draft of a song that has since done the e-mail circuit as the Roy Keanian Rhapsody - he even put the name on it and a few of us linked it to various sites. It has been mentioned on radio programmes.
  3. Plastic Paddy

    Plastic Paddy New Member

    Aug 5, 2002
    Hammersmith, London
    Someone even posted it on our sports bulletin board here at work (they're neither an Ireland nor a ManUre supporter, I might add) - I didn't dare tell them from whence it came originally for fear of being outed as a worktime surfer!

    :D PP - Look, I'm busy! Honest...
  4. Conor74

    Conor74 New Member

    Aug 12, 2002
    SW Ireland
    Apparently it made The Sun newspaper today.
  5. Slash/ED

    Slash/ED New Member

    Apr 19, 2002
    I may be wrong, but I'm 99% certain they we're singing it on FM104 the other day, as an ad for the strawberry alarmclock. They we're singing "He will not score, he will not score" and had the queen instrumental in the backround......
  6. Nigel_Sausagepump

    Nigel_Sausagepump New Member

    Jul 22, 2002
    If I get that Keane Rhapsody or that MacAteer top 10 thing once more over email, I'm going to go to my manager, call him an effing c, then storm off home in a strop.

    Don't think I'll write a book about it though.
  7. Father Ted

    Father Ted BigSoccer Supporter

    Manchester United, Galway United, New York Red Bulls
    Nov 2, 2001
    Manchester United FC
    Nat'l Team:
    Ireland Republic

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