Good Jokes

Discussion in 'Portugal: NSR' started by jec1, Aug 31, 2005.

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  1. PassItOn

    PassItOn New Member

    Dec 29, 2004
    NJ
    I thought this was about jokes, oh well here is one.

    A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot.
    There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
    - "Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.
    The owner looked at her and said:
    - "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
    The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way.
    She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.
    The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said:
    - "New house, new madam."
    The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's really not so bad."
    When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said:
    - "New house, new madam, new girls."
    The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
    Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.
    The bird looked at him and said:
    - "Hi, Keith!"
     
  2. vilafria

    vilafria Member+

    Jun 2, 2005
    Problemas com o Apelido

    O Registo Civil de Beja recebeu o seguinte requerimento:

    Beja, 5 de Março de 2002.
    Eu, Maria José Pau, gostaria de saber da possibilidade de se abolir o sobrenome Pau do meu nome, já que a presença do Pau me tem deixado embaraçada em várias situações. Desde já agradeço a atenção despendida.
    Peço deferimento,
    Maria José Pau.

    Em resposta, recebeu a seguinte mensagem:

    Cara Senhora Pau:
    Sobre a sua solicitação da remoção do Pau, gostaríamos de lhe dizer que a nova legislação permite a remoção do Pau, mas o processo é complicado e moroso. Se o Pau tiver sido adquirido após o casamento, a remoção é mais fácil, pois, afinal de contas, ninguém é obrigado a usar o Pau do cônjugue se não quiser.
    Se o Pau fôr do seu pai, torna-se mais difícil, pois o Pau a que nos referimos é de família e tem sido utilizado há várias gerações. Se a senhora tiver irmãos ou irmãs, a remoção do Pau torná-la-ia diferente do resto da família. Cortar o Pau do seu pai pode ser algo muito desagradável para ele.
    Outro senão está no facto do seu nome conter apenas nomes próprios, e poderá ficar esquisito, caso não haja nada para colocar no lugar do Pau.
    Isto sem mencionar que as pessoas estranharão muito ao saber que a senhora não possui mais o Pau do seu marido.
    Uma opção viável seria a troca da ordem dos nomes. Se a senhora colocar o Pau na frente da Maria e atrás do José, o Pau pode ser escondido, pois poderia assinar o seu nome como "Maria P. José".
    A nossa opinião é a de que o preconceito contra este nome já acabou há muito tempo e visto que a senhora já usou o Pau do seu marido por tanto tempo, não custa nada usá-lo um pouco mais. Eu mesmo possuo Pau, sempre o usei e muito poucas vezes o Pau me causou embaraços.

    Atenciosamente,
    Bernardo Romeu Pau Grosso
    Registo Civil de Beja
    15/03/2002
     
  3. vilafria

    vilafria Member+

    Jun 2, 2005
    Joe met Clara at a bar and after a few drinks decided to ask her out on a date. She gave a positive answer, and the next Wednesday was the agreed
    day. Come Wednesday, Joe drove to the same bar and sure enough there was Clara waiting for him. They decided to go for a countryside drive, and after about an hour stopped at a fairly isolated spot. Joe decided to try his luck and slowly made his move. Kissing followed by some caressing and when everything was going so smoothly that he thought third base and a home-run
    was a certainty about to happen, Clara put on the brakes by asking him if he
    wanted to go all the way was he prepared to pay. Joe was surprised and asked her what did she mean by paying. Well, she went on, we didn't discuss
    much about ourselves, but I'm a working girl and it will cost you $100 to go all
    the way. After considering her request, Joe decided to go ahead with her demand and gave her the $100.
    After they were finished, they sat in the car in silence watching the scenery.
    Finally, after about a half hour , Clara asked Joe to take her back to the city.
    Sure, responded Joe, and then asked if she was prepared to pay.
    What do you mean? Was Clara's reaction to which Joe calmly responded by
    saying that it was true they didn't discuss their careers, because if they had
    she would know that Joe's is a Taxi driver and the tab to return to the city is $100.
     
  4. vilafria

    vilafria Member+

    Jun 2, 2005
    A verdade dos velhos provérbios...

    Quem ri por último... é retardado ou mongolóide !
    Os últimos são sempre.... Desclassificados !
    Quem o feio ama, é porque vê mal !
    Deitar cedo e cedo erguer, dá... Um sono do caraças !
    Quem não arrisca... não se lixa.
    Filho de peixe... é tão feio como o pai !
    O pior cego é aquele que... Se recusa a ter cão.
    Quem dá aos pobres... é estúpido porque fica com menos.
    Há males que vêm... Para piorar.
    Gato escaldado... Morre, naturalmente !
    Antes só do que... Com 2 violadores numa cela.
    Mais vale tarde do que... Muito mais tarde.
    Cada macaco... Com a sua macaca.
    Quem tem boca... Pode ir ao dentista !
    Águas passadas... já passaram.
    Depois da tempestade... Vem a porra da gripe !
    Mais vale um pássaro na mão... Que uma cagadela na cabeça.
     
  5. vilafria

    vilafria Member+

    Jun 2, 2005
    [​IMG]

    Barely unable to contain herself she exposed the whole enchilada.
     
  6. Joelzinho

    Joelzinho Member

    May 23, 2005
    Montreal!
    Nat'l Team:
    Portugal
    LOL.....this girl is either having a bad day....or a bad life...lol
     
  7. vilafria

    vilafria Member+

    Jun 2, 2005
    Progress made in Portuguese women's magazines is evident. . . .

    [​IMG]
     
  8. vilafria

    vilafria Member+

    Jun 2, 2005
    Signs of the time, the new terrorist. . .

    [​IMG]
     
  9. vilafria

    vilafria Member+

    Jun 2, 2005
  10. vilafria

    vilafria Member+

    Jun 2, 2005
    Angelina Jolie

    [​IMG]

    Making a fashion statement, I think.
     
  11. vilafria

    vilafria Member+

    Jun 2, 2005
    The upcoming new women's soccer uniforms. Yeahhh!!

    [​IMG]
     
  12. vilafria

    vilafria Member+

    Jun 2, 2005
    The Playboy team ,of course, didn't want to be outplayed , so . . .

    [​IMG]
     
  13. jec1

    jec1 Member

    Sporting Clube de Portugal
    Portugal
    Aug 27, 2004
    Los Angeles ATM
    Club:
    Sporting CP Lisbon
    Nat'l Team:
    Portugal
    First off that isnt Angelina Jolie and really She is a pornstar if she is wearing that t-shirt.

    Has Anyone one seen Canada Contacto and the host Natassha Santos.

    Damn she is hot:D
     
  14. vilafria

    vilafria Member+

    Jun 2, 2005
    #1 Wrong :confused:

    #2 Right :)
     
  15. jec1

    jec1 Member

    Sporting Clube de Portugal
    Portugal
    Aug 27, 2004
    Los Angeles ATM
    Club:
    Sporting CP Lisbon
    Nat'l Team:
    Portugal
    This is a Good Joke:mad::eek:















    [​IMG]
     
  16. Joelzinho

    Joelzinho Member

    May 23, 2005
    Montreal!
    Nat'l Team:
    Portugal
    Damn....They had the game on in the hallways of my school, no one was going to class, not even the male teachers....god damn that was disapointing....
     
  17. jec1

    jec1 Member

    Sporting Clube de Portugal
    Portugal
    Aug 27, 2004
    Los Angeles ATM
    Club:
    Sporting CP Lisbon
    Nat'l Team:
    Portugal
    Yep I am ashamed and :eek:

    No Cheechoo,Marleau,Staal,Spezza,Crosby,Phenouf and Kariya means no medals.

    While Smyth,Nash,Draper and Bertuzzi no goals no nothin
     
  18. vilafria

    vilafria Member+

    Jun 2, 2005
    I take it Canada didn't do well.
     
  19. vilafria

    vilafria Member+

    Jun 2, 2005
    [​IMG][/URL][/IMG]

    Speed kills
     
  20. vilafria

    vilafria Member+

    Jun 2, 2005
    [​IMG][/URL][/IMG]

    Click on the image to be able to read.
     
  21. vilafria

    vilafria Member+

    Jun 2, 2005
    [​IMG]

    Olympic glory
     
  22. jec1

    jec1 Member

    Sporting Clube de Portugal
    Portugal
    Aug 27, 2004
    Los Angeles ATM
    Club:
    Sporting CP Lisbon
    Nat'l Team:
    Portugal
    This is what you call a carniverous



    [​IMG]
     
  23. jec1

    jec1 Member

    Sporting Clube de Portugal
    Portugal
    Aug 27, 2004
    Los Angeles ATM
    Club:
    Sporting CP Lisbon
    Nat'l Team:
    Portugal
    THE WAY THE FUTURE SHOULD BE INSTEAD WE STILL GOT VOLVOS

    [​IMG]
     

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