Don Garber called me...

Discussion in 'Sons of Ben' started by TheScarfMachine, Oct 11, 2010.

  1. TheScarfMachine

    May 1, 2007
    Baltimore, MD
    Club:
    Philadelphia Union
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Tom Veit was in on the conference call. They mentioned two incidents from last Thursday's home game:

    1. Someone tossed a t-shirt in festive manner in the Supporter Section during the LA Galaxy game, and it got close landing on the pitch. Apparently, the grass is now suffering from severe Post-Tramatic Stress Disorder, and may file a lawsuit against the team
    2. They also talked about rumors that someone might have used a naughty word during the game. An eight year-old may have overheard this naughty word, as the child has been hopelessly addicted to heroin since Friday.
    After mentioning this, the two said, "So that's it: We're shutting it down". When I asked, "What are you shutting down?", they both answered in unison: "All of it."

    In the future, Chester Police in full riot gear will be patrolling the parking lots, tazering and arresting anyone suspected of having fun.

    Also, undercover secret police will now be stationed throughout the stadium, dressed as Union fans. Should anyone cheer at a higher-than-acceptable volume during the run of play, they shall be executed. If anyone should have the audacity to include a swear word during this cheer, their entire section will be water boarded. Flame throwers were also mentioned as a way to test BAC levels of anyone entering the park.

    They asked me to post this on here, so everyone can understand how dramatic and important this is.

    You have been warned.
     
    1 person likes this.
  2. ToonArmy5

    ToonArmy5 Member

    Oct 22, 2007
    Warminster
    Club:
    Philadelphia Union
    sounds fair enough
     
  3. latestmonkey

    latestmonkey New Member

    Jun 28, 2010
    unfunny sarcasm FTL
     
  4. TheScarfMachine

    May 1, 2007
    Baltimore, MD
    Club:
    Philadelphia Union
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    They'll also be monitoring our posts and criticizing any failed attempts at humor.
     
  5. latestmonkey

    latestmonkey New Member

    Jun 28, 2010
    failure it was.

    feel free to try again.
     
  6. KnightofNi

    KnightofNi Member

    Jan 24, 2008
    Club:
    Philadelphia Union
    i demand a full transcript of the conversation.


    if we stop cheering do we get a coin operated custom scarf knitting machine?
     
  7. buzzkiller23

    buzzkiller23 Member+

    Jan 30, 2009
    Glenolden, PA
    Club:
    Philadelphia Union
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    I thought it was funny.
     
  8. CrazyUnionBox

    CrazyUnionBox Member

    Mar 14, 2007
    137 Seat 1
    Club:
    Philadelphia Union
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    I have signed up for this special task force and will be enforcing the no fun policy. All sarcasm will be displayed as a violation of this notice and I will have to conduct myself within the guidelines of these laws.
    All coin operated scarf machines will be moved to a non disclosed location for further investigation to make sure no bantering or fun is had with thus said machine.
    I do not believe this machine can be used in accordance to section 1.a.b.12 in which an inanimate object can be associated with any teasing at another persons expense and may fall into the guidelines of a harassment type situation.




    :D
     
  9. celt1997

    celt1997 Moderator
    Staff Member

    Jan 31, 2006
    Philly Burbs
    Club:
    Philadelphia Union
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Did this conference call address the need for the immediate creation of an "Autograph Police?" If people are getting autographs from opposing players, and not just Union players, that could be a huge detriment to the FO's bottom line. :eek:
     
  10. Phillyspur

    Phillyspur Member+

    Tottenham Hotspur
    England
    Mar 18, 2007
    Arroganistan
    Club:
    Tottenham Hotspur FC
    Nat'l Team:
    England
    Due to personal issues experienced by the scarf machine's operator, the machine will be be patrolled constantly by APEX staff. No gesticulating at the machine will be tolerated, even if it fails to deliver the right change.
     
    1 person likes this.
  11. mansbro

    mansbro Member

    Apr 25, 2007
    Hatboro, PA
    Club:
    Philadelphia Union
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Scarf's story must be true if they mentioned tazering Philly fans...Just sayin
     
  12. KnightofNi

    KnightofNi Member

    Jan 24, 2008
    Club:
    Philadelphia Union

    that makes me so mad i could puke.
     

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