OK, there's this Brazilian I know, who says that Amercians will NEVER be good at soccer because the English language falls short in really communicating the nature of what it takes to play the game well. In his view, it's the ROMANCE languages -- French, Italian, Spanish and, of course, Portuguese -- that have sufficiently poetic and metaphorical qualities necessary to truly understand the game. I say this view is crap. I told him that not only could I DEFINE soccer in 25 words or less, but do so with the precision and clarity that characterizes English, now the world's DOMINANT language -- the language of science, commerce, and -- yes -- rational modernity. And here is it is. "Soccer is the application of game-specific athletic techniques at sufficient speed to achieve solutions to continuous problems of on-field geometry." Twenty words (22 if you count each hyphenated word as two). So, anyone else want to take their shot? 25 words or less.