All-Time All-Great All-Stars

Discussion in 'Columbus Crew SC' started by Legal Beagle, Aug 2, 2002.

  1. Legal Beagle

    Legal Beagle New Member

    Jun 17, 2000
    ..........................Peter the Great..........................

    George Patton...Robert E. Lee...Stonewall Jackson

    ......................George Washington....................

    Lafeyette................Hannibal..................... Zhukov

    .............................Napoleon................................

    Julius Caesar..........................Alexander the Great


    Although somewhat aged at more than 400 years old, Peter the Great at 6'7" is a rock-solid monster in goal. Robert E. Lee in central defense is a no-brainer. Admittedly suspect in the defensive third, George Patton brings mobility and attacking genius down the right flank. He pairs, of course, with the well-traveled Marshal Zhukov on the left to give the team dangerous play from either side.

    One-armed defensive legend Stonewall Jackson is tough to beat, and occasionally seeks to "mystify, mislead, and surprise" by creeping forward behind Zhukov. George Washington at defensive mid is a bit short on tactical skill, but his magic ability to hold the line under pressure is just the right tonic for the defense. Certainly his long acquintance with the youthful, impetuous Marquis de Lafeyette improves coordination in the middle third.

    The quixotic Adolf Hitler, who started fast but has faded recently, has been benched in favor of the Carthaginian Senior International Hannibal. Aside from Hitler's disappointing recent form, well-placed sources advise that he has been a cancer in the locker room and may be on the trading block. Hannibal's ponderous, elephant-like pace may be a worry during the run of play but his size and power on set pieces justifies his selection. Few defenders are able to stay with the powerful Carthaginian when "Hannibal is at the gates!"

    Attacking mid Napoleon Bonaparte is, of course, a tactical wizard. If there is a weakness in his game it may be his propensity for creeping too far forward, losing touch with his midfielders and effectively converting the formation to a three-striker front. Whenever asked about this habit, Napoleon dismisses objections with a reminder that "God is on the side of the biggest battalions."

    With Byzantine striker Justinian off on national team duty, youthful Alexander the Great gets the nod up front. Alexander, of course, is the son of the late Philip the Great of Macedonia. This will be Alexander's first appearance in the starting eleven. As a first-round draft pick and transitional international, Alexander's arrival in early March was greeted with wide celebrity and high expectation. Reportedly, however, the front office has been frustrated by Alexander's rumored desire to cross the Khyber Pass and play first-team football in the Hindu League.

    Finally, Julius Caesar's selection will come as no surprise. His game-winning goal in last year's English FA Cup will enjoy a long sojourn in the memories of footie fans everywhere, along with his after-game quote on SkySports News: "I came, I saw, I conquered!"

    Caesar will attempt to play through recent injuries (stabbing pains in abdomen). Should he falter, controversial fellow Roman Marc Antony will be first off the bench. The ambitious and confident Antony, dissatisfied with his place in the reserves, has been making waves in the press about his lack of playing time: "I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him!"

    It should be a real cracker!
     
  2. Chris_Bailey

    Chris_Bailey Member+

    Feb 28, 2000
    Chicago
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    This team.....dead...could probably still beat the Crew by more than 1 goal.
     
  3. diablodelsol

    diablodelsol Member+

    Jan 10, 2001
    North Ridgeville, OH
    This quote is almost worth kicking in the $30 so I can have a sig line.
     
  4. kaiser kraut

    kaiser kraut New Member

    Jun 26, 2001
    Indianapolis
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    you forgot to mention that Napoleon is essentially a French midget, sort of like Richie Williams, and will be too busy biting ankles to be an effective player. He should be the assistant coach that is also a late game substitute. Could we put Ghengis-Khan in there instead? He's brutal against opposing defenses and is know to ravage the Crewzer lockerroom after games. He's just what the local press would love to have. I'm sure he'd be a big hit at the bars.
     
  5. Own Goal Hat-Trick

    Jul 28, 1999
    ColoRADo
    bailey, i dont think that the crew could even play that team... alive... heh
     

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