Yank's view of the Grand Final

i was posting this over at the bigfooty site, thought i'd put it here too, and seperate from the main thread
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ok, i'm american, a fan of aussie footy and plan to watch the grand final. its on tv here in NYC from 11:30pm until 4am, here's whats happening.....

(btw, hilarity is suppose to ensue while reading this)

11:32 pm music intro starts, sounds just like the noise they play for survivor. i like survivor. this new season at vanuatu makes me laugh each time i hear the island's name b/c it reminds me that this tiny nation already knocked NZ out of the Soccer world cup

btw, its not the Survivor music.

11:35 some guy is now talking about the olympics, his accent almost fools me into thinking he is an american. thats almost. more cheesy music now, reminds me of a Disney ride.

11:38 Guy Sebastian is singing Waltzing Matilda. it looks like a Matilda just waltzed on his hair. was that a funny zinger? this guy didn't win the Aussie Idol thing did he?

11:52 ok, WTF?!?!?! there are a bunch of guys dancing on stage in AFL jumpers, but i definitely know by their dancing style, theres no way these guys are footy players. what is this?? and dear god my eyes are burning seeing this womans thong. mercy please.

i am wishing this wasn't live for the US viewers, and this part was edited out for us. wishful thinking.

11:57the 'men' and women are leaving now, not quick enough.

11:59 ok, now i am laughing, the port power anthem and Lions anthem are being sung by ten men in suits, apparently all the way from....Frankfurt germany.

12:07am their singng stops and so does my laughter.

12:13 the magic number in Footy in #4 according to the faceless voice. if it is soo magical i wonder if there are fights to have that # on their jumpers? yes, i know the Lions are going for #4.

12:15 ok, onto good stuff now, the pregame guys are talking and let me know only 10 minutes to go!

1218 Power come out to a lukewarm response, not 'great' as the announcer professes.

12:21 Lions come out to a louder cheer, but boo's are noticable too. now i wonder, how many beers would i have had by now if i was at the game?
how many pee breaks? i should erase that last bit.

12:23 first commercial break, talking about pee breaks.........

12:26 Lets get it started is playing. pointless info for ya. the song was originally called lets get retarded.

12:27 Hey, PM Howard is here! i wish i could tell him don't turn around, some mean looking lady in an army uni is staring him down.

12:29 game is almost starting now, i put on my NYC Magpies jumper for no reason.

12:30 for no reason i was wasn't looking at the tv, and i miss the coin toss. damn.

12:31 game is about to start, and there is already pushing and shoving. ohhhhhh, and gonna be a good one........
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that ends the pregame fun!

 

1st qtr
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12:36 2 nil to the Lions. SethMc just posted that he will see me in Atlanta. usually i forget people when i am drunk, but now i am sober and i have no idea who he is. back to the game!

12:39 Cheap pun #1 of the night, Port 'Powers' to the lead, 6-2.

12:40 our first head lock wrestling on the ground, and then our first 'eye candy cam', its of a port fan. cameraman, try harder please.

12:46 "phone calls might be coming thick and fast" says the announcer in regards to brisbane. what the heck does thick and fast mean??? sounds like some sort of sick sexual term (that i might or might not like to see.... what???)

12:47 glad to see a hippy in the stands as the 'eye candy cam' fails us once again.

12:54 Aker kicks his second goal after embelishing being pushed. i wonder if beer is served during the game? i am refering to here in my tv room, not at the MCG.

1st quarter ends, and {pun #2} the Lions sound more like 'meows' than roars.

note- usually i do a crappy english accent/commentary during english soccer matches. i have yet to try an aussie accent during this game... yet.

2nd qrt begins!

 

1:10 thinking more about Seth for a second. i have never met a Seth, have any of you? i wonder if there is really a 'seth' b/c i always thought the name seth only existed in movies and tv.

1:12 i just learned you don't get the 6 pts if you hit the posts (McRAE did it, damn)

1:16 a Port player pushed a Lion from behind and i yell "you can't do that", then i sheepishly look around to make sure no ausssie is in my room, b/c if he was he'd realize i had no idea what i was talking. i know there are no aussies in my room, so i will continue to yell.

1:19 coincindence, its 1:19 and a graphic comes up telling me its been 19 minutes since the Lions scored. i beleive this graphic and don't plan on questioning it.

1:25 36-24 port leads, if bris scores a goal they will only be done by one goal. i think i just stated the obvious.

1:26 HA! Lions score and trail by you guessed it, one goal! this also marks my first aussie-accent comment. i yell "its good" and it suspiciously sounded very similar to my english accent. big deal.

1:28 Aker Goal! "brillaint"!!! my accent is flowing now. hear comes a cheesy comment- Lions lead, here them roar!

ok, halftime now. is there anyway they came out due the pregame festivities? dear god, we are about to find out.

 

halftime

1:41 back from pee #2 in time to see a commercial on "hair restoration"/ for balding men. if i ever go bald, i will grow my pubes long and then staple them to my head. i wonder if i just lost my female fans with that last comment? maybe my bald ones too.

1:43am so far just high lights from the first half, with the announcers stating obvious facts on stuff like that. i am trying to sound like a seasoned verteran-fan of the game, and for a split second i believe it too.

1:51am now theres a grand final sprint with guys from the AFL teams. its 100 meters. much to my disappointment, they will not be blindfolded and spung 5 times first. some guy wins, and wins big. his name is walker. the kids in mad max beyond thunder dome thought mad max was some savour named captain walker. does anyone remember that?

1:55 a commercial for Relacor now, it gets rid of that 'stubborn' belly fat. not sure if it ships to australia.

looks like we are almost ready for the second half...

 

2:01am Jonny ugly face just kicked a goal for the power. i am just kidding with the name, but lets just say he wouldn't make the 'eye candy cam' if i was in charge. besides, i am ugly too, so i can make jokes like that. i get called tom cruise, and brad pitt's twin all the time.

2:04 i spot a lion banner saying 'eat them alive'. if i was a roving reporter, i'd rove over there and ask them if they really want 'them' (port power i presume) to be eaten alive. i'd hope then i wouldn't get punched in the teeth.

2:10 i miss surfers paradise.

2:11 the 'eye candy cam' has turned into 'burly men with beards cam'. why oh why?.

2:16 a Lions chant is well.... chanting from the crowd. lions lead 61-55, and i must admit, i need to have a zinger soon. also a beer. is this turning into a scrappy past few minutes? its still a bit nerve-wracking. a new guy is covering aker now.

2:20 Port with a chance to eqaulize and he gives it a nice kicker-roo. can i say kicker-roo? it means nothing, i just thought of it. but there i said it, and i might or might not say it again. 62-62

2:27 Power fan "jonny-bucket hat" just got his 3rd appearance/cameo on world-wide tv. all are able to read his lips and the wisdom and well thought-out battle cry of "come, on! come, on!"

2:29 make it #4 for "jonny bucket hat". someone call on a USA-style timeout for the Lions because {pun#3} the Power is On! 3 goal lead for 'em.

2:31am 3rd qrt ends, and the announcer gets the Captain Obvious award saying "Big Worries for the Lions."

 

rest of the comments are here

http://www.bigfooty.com/forum/showthread.php?p=2362538&posted=1#post2362538