For some extra food for thought, since we are talking about "practice" versus "game" effort, and why the coach probably isn't worried. I overheard a 10-year old female soccer player the other day talking about what her favorite field position was. She said "side midfield". Her new friend asked: "what side?" Guess what her response was? "Either one, but I like the opposite side of the parents more." It's a normal human response to have anxiety in front of an audience. I know adult coaches that buckle like corn chips under a shoe if they have 3 people watching them. Imagine what a 11-year old girl feels like when 50+ are screaming, chatting, and groaning everytime a mistake is made by her or her teammates. I bet that's a lot of fun.
I am sorry but I normally don't give any weight to a parent's evaluation of their child's play. There is too much emotional baggage in the Parent-Child relationship for most people to be objective, even if they are a coach. Speaking from personal experience I am no different. I tend to apply a harsher standard to my own kids. Even for coaches we tend to see everything tinted through our own view of the game. I date myself, but for me until age 20 Brazil and Pele were the height followed by Holland in my 30's. By then I was pretty spoiled to consider anything else. Imagine my dissapointment when looking for "Pele" and "Johan Cruyff" in my kids, I found more "Bobby Fisher." Like most parents I have trouble distinguishing my dreams from my kid's dreams. That is life.
Too true. I'm sure it's hard. Too true--I think I'm harder on my own son in the short term, while possibly also a little too optimistic about how high his "ceiling" is.
This quote is really, really important and should tell us all a thing or two. Kids would prefer just to play the game without some (not all) moronic parents yelling and screaming inane "advice" all the time. It really doesn't matter wether or not your 11 year olds team "wins" the game....what matters is wether or not your 11 year old enjoys playing the game and is allowed to be a kid....
Awww Geeez. Is that why we let our kids play competitive soccer, becuase its all about making them happy? That's the bottom line? There are no life lessons, or understanding team dynamics, or health benefits, or good family bonding time? In that case no more making kids eat their vegetables or clean their rooms. It does NOT make them happy. So, if my kid likes all the perks that come with being on a cool team, but will not run during game time when it really counts then she's going to get the big NOT HAPPY when she gets cut or surfs the bench most of the game. We all see it coming - 3, 2, 1 wait for it... You're off the team! Ironically I'm trying to fix a problem so she can ulitimately be, yes, happy. And proud of herself and content with her accomplishements. We've been surfing youtube for examples of how you have to hustle and what happens. Found one with Wayne Rooney stealing the ball then sprinting the entire field after his pass to ultimately make a goal. I found out I have a visual kid. The coach verbalizing does not sink in, but seeing examples got her going. Our work trying to unravel the mystery that is our daughter resulted in something wonderful. In one of her last games of the season she nearly set the turf on fire with her speed and effort! Oldntired, I support you and your concern. Keep problem solving. Keep trying with loving encouragement and you will see results and your child will have more trust in you and your input when she sees that you are on her side and is bursting with joy at her accomplishments on and off the field. We are already seeing that and its a wonderful thing. We've ordered the Anson Dorrance DVDs and we're going to watch those a few times this season and talk about some field dynamics and we are all looking forward to it. Good luck to you and your daughter.
The girls should be enjoying playing the game....simple as that... and if they aren't they WILL quit just as soon as puberty sets in and they start to take control of their own lives. Sports are about having fun and enjoying playing a game/sport and the ones who truly love the game, are happy playing the game and have ability are the ones who have a chance to become "Wayne Rooney's"
26, as a soccer professional, do you not have to figure out ways to motivate your players? Do you have players that need to work harder? Is that not a soccer problem? I am not sure I see the difference other than, I am a parent and you are a soccer professional? I will let this die, because obviously I don't understand what things are appropriate to discuss and which things are not. Back to Lurker status I guess. Let me just say before I go. 1. My kid is having fun. 2. I have little ego in this. Every year we give her the option to quit, go back to rec, stay on her present team. The decision is always hers. We go to great pains to make sure she understands that we are happy no matter what she decides. 3. My discriptions of her team are intentionally vague because KC is not that big an area when it comes to soccer. Maybe saying "top team" makes me look bad, but it is just a way to generically get my point across. Obviously not well. 4. I get the feeling that as a soccer professional you are not fond of parents. I don't blame you for this, but it may color your opinions.
You are her parent - not a soccer professional. Clearly, you still can't understand the difference. Also, if you're doing as much "coaching" as her coach is, she is either (A) tuning one or both of you out, or (B) hyper-sensitive about her performances in front of an audience because all she knows is being judged, evaluated, and coached. From a coach to a parent, understand this: I don't need you to help me "coach" your kid. And, the kids don't want to be coached after they have already left a practice or a game, they want to be left alone. Coincidentally, just like you don't want your wife, husband, parent, friend, anyone complaining about your job performance after you've clocked out and gone home to your family. You want a solution? Put yourself in your daughter's shoes, I guarantee the problem becomes real obvious what the causes are for her behavior. It may not be your fault, but you'll figure it out quicker than asking her coach or a bunch of anonymous people on the internet. Good. Message boards are not the place for passive-aggressiveness and self-pity. Enjoy your anonymity, and realize that if you don't like me critiquing your words and actions, your 11-year old daughter feels the same way about being judged at soccer.
The key to Anson Dorrance' success at North Carolina has been the ability to recruit excellent players....just as it is in any sport at any college in America.
Actually, making your kids develop healthy eating habits and good work habits most certainly does help them become happier people. Yes, it IS important to help your kids be "happy". Not in the sense you're implying--immediate self-gratification with no cost and no effort expended--but any concerned, involved parent wants to help his or her child develop the confidence, self-respect, and discipline to grow into a happy, well-adjusted adult. And the only way a kid can learn valuable lessons from a sport is if he or she loves the sport enough to stick with it and work hard through the later years. That love of the game needs to be nurtured at a young age; and making it fun is THE key componant of that.
alex morgan (maybe you've heard of her) didn't start playing club/travel soccer til she was 14 (rec b/f that). me thinks she's doing ok soccer career wise at this point. just thought i'd throw out that little data point in the '10-11 yr old kid must play travel club soccer or never succeed' discussion. parents: check out that 'catch them being good' book. and think maybe your kid has confidence or shyness or fear of failure related stuff. and also. they're 10-11. lots of them get distracted easily, too. they've got lots of phases and growing and learning left.
Totally agree with this....in fact just playing the game with friends as OFTEN as possible with as little adult involvement as possible would, imo, be better for any kid playing the game than being involved with a lot of these so called "coaches"....many of whom are negative, verbally abusive in their approach and put the fear of God into their charges to the point that the practice and games become a huge chore and something to be scared of rather than looked forward to.
One of the things I've come to believe as a coach is that apart from teaching them the nuts and bolts of the game, I have to inspire them and make them fall in love with the game. That isn't some kumbaya-lets-all-feel-good idea, it's a pragmatic approach to make them become better players. The amount I can teach them individually at practice, 90 minutes at a time (much less than that if you get down to actual instruction time), is very little compared to what they can do on their own time. It's not just the mechanical and physical aspects of playing soccer. It's mental, it's emotional too. That unbridled insanity when Landon Donovan scored against Algeria or Wambach's header against Brazil in the dying minutes is what makes kids want to go out and practice. Sorry, not some Anson Dorrance video. Learning to track a ball in the air and redirect it into goal, practicing that and the many skills over and over brings them closer to playing for Anson than any video will (except may be one specific set of soccer videos!). If you plan on spending instructional soccer time with your kid, do the soft sell. Go to a game or watch a game on tv, but don't be there pointing out every little thing. A couple of comments sure, but be there to be a fan. Plus, unless you know what you're really talking about you'll probably be pointing out the wrong thing—sorry from experience, that's what I've found. First they got to love it, for themselves and come to it on their own, then we give them the right environment. Seems counter-intuitive but if we gotta push 'em to put in the time necessary to play in college, play in the pros then, strong maybe, it's not for the level they are meant to achieve.
haha. good one. better to spend that time taking the 10-11 yr old kid to a couple of games & making it fun--then casually pointing out specific great plays done by one of the players on the field. any colleges nearby DarkBlonde? go watch those games (well, now they're done. so watch a game on tv or webcast) in the summer go see a wleague or wpsl or whatever game. or even go see high school game. 10-11 yr olds want to be like the high schoolers they see.
Sitting still for two hours watching a high school or college match is not my idea of a good time. If your child is playing at a high level, they may already be better than some of the high school players. Much better example to inspire your child is to take your child to watch you play in a match. Or kick it around with them. Or play any sport with them. Or work out with them. A pro match may be inspiring, but watching a youtube highlight clip of your child's favorite star is probably better inspiration than a local high school or college match.
Not necessarily bad advice, but it can depend on the situation. My son, who is 13, really likes going to Maryland Terps men's games @ Ludwig. The last couple of years, when we've gone it's been his idea.
I'll freely admit I've been a huge critic of ugly play in high school and college ranks, not so long as 2 years ago. But watching my state's fall HS championships and both NCAA, ACC and Big East (men's and women's tourneys) the standard of play is much higher this year. Is it a long term change? Who knows? UMD is a good team to watch, I'm sure. Watching it live, you get a better idea of how teams move as a whole. I recently purchased a subscription to FoxSoccer.tv ($20/month) and probably the best $20 I spend every month! It's constantly on nowadays. I can watch current games from Europe all the time. I probably watch parts of a game everyday now. FWIW, if you want to watch an educational game—watch Ajax play. Technical skills, diamonds, passing angles, good runs, etc. But I also agree in bringing the kids along to watch dad play. Last night, in fact, we had two girls I coach come watch our game (I play on the same team as two of the dads). They were sitting on our bench and you could hear them calling out what to do, correctly—shows they understand what they're supposed to do.
what about mom? in my house mom's the only one w/ ankles & knees left to still play at this age. but I'm laughing my ass off at the thought of kids older than 8 wanting to watch the parents' team. after being dragged to old man&old lady games as a tyke, there's zero willing interest in going now unforced. the kids usually know someone at high school games. and if you don't want your U12 girl watching ncaa ball, you're not thinking straight. ncaa is the top level for the majority of women in this country. you think ncaa isn't that great & your 10yr old is better? fine, use that as a way to show her she can play at that level when she's older so she's got a high goal. ncaa level of play will increase by the time the U12 is U17. also, the suggestion to watch ncaa/high school age was not to a poster who was going to watch pro games on video w/ their U12 kid. but a poster who said they were going to watch coaching videos w/ their kid. get real.
I wasn't being sexist, it was just the example at hand. Well, the kids look up to us and is it better than them being at home on facebook or watching TV?
My U13 daughter loves to go to my games on Friday nights. She gets some junk form the concession stand and gets to yell at me to run. Funny how the same things I say to her she says back to me. But my daughter is also the one that gets me up @ 7:45 on Saturday mornings to watch the EPL. Maybe she's just weird?
That's awesome! It's been a saturday morning tradition of sorts for me to throw on the Arsenal match. My little daughter climbs up on the couch and sits quietly and watches with me.
Be easier to have your kids watch the premier League Review Show....shown several times during the week on FSC...all the highlights.