ha ha . . . nor the primadonna striker! I think that's a good point too, Virginian. Apart from identifying their roles within a certain group, at times they DO know what to do but at 12/13 they're starting to develop their own soccer personality. At higher levels they talk about "work rate". Some players are high motor guys (Wayne Rooney, Carlos Tevez). Running everywhere, 90 miles/hour it seems. Then you get guys who operate at a simmer (Cesc Fabregas) that'll quietly slice and dice you without seeming to get above a brisk jog.
I'm gonna take a guess for case 3 you would not talk about it. Instead ask them to join you in lighting up the village peace pipe. Nothing like lighting up while listening to Peter, Paul and Mary. The world will make more sense after.
No way! Actually, I'm the complete opposite. For example, the other day, my son was coloring. No, wait, let me start over. He wasn't coloring. He was scribbling! So, I got right over top of that little bastard, and I said "STAY IN THE LINES, MAN! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?! IT'S SO SIMPLE!!! I'm a 31-year old adult and I can see the problem and how to fix it. Why can't you? You're three years old already!" It didn't help him though - which means he is just lazy and doesn't really want to get better, because, in all my years of experience as a coach and educator, I've found that nagging the shit out of people from a position of complete dominance and superiority really seems to help them do better. And, for some strange reason, it didn't help. Hmmm. Now, if you can't sense the sarcasm...
I know you have all been waiting breathlessly for an update. (sarcasm) Her coach recently gave her an above average for agressiveness on an evaluation. Of course this is the opposite of our thoughts. My wife and I have done a good job of not talking to her about her effort during games. We just tell her good game and give her a hug. Nothing has really changed. Sometimes she plays hard, sometimes she doesn't. Its bad enough some of the less nice parents are starting to notice. Thats always fun. She will either out grow it or she won't. As long as her coach is happy, I guess its all good.
So when I say " thats always fun", that means It "matters that much to me"? Didn't realize that was such a strong statment of worry and concern. Thanks for the feedback though. I will try to find my back bone for next time.
Nice to see this topic has degraded into two old men picking on each other, with one being a "Big Soccer Moderator". Do us all a favor and delete it.
Interesting note from her coach and it's an all too common phenomenon. Parents see it one way, coach sees it another but both are looking at the same thing. How do you watch the game? Do you lock your attention on your daughter for most of the time and not follow the play? Do you follow the play, but perk up when the ball is going towards your daughter? As long as she enjoys it, right?
It matters enough to comment on how it affects you to a bunch of strangers on a message board. Your daughter plays soccer. She's a little kid, and she's not even in junior high, and you're on a message board telling us all how worried and embarrassed you are that she's not hustling at soccer. Priorities? Also, when did message boards become a place where people expect only to be patted on the back and told they are right? Sorry, that's not how life (or the internet) works.
100% correct, can you come and give a talk to the parents at my club about priorities, reality and expectations.
PATIENCE. If the coach is happy and she still loves playing, then everything is fine. And there are always "not-so-nice" parents. Their kids generally don't last. Hey man, I make all sorts of unimportant comments on BigSoccer. Lighten up! As a father of a kid who went through something similar, I can totally relate. You can be a loving parent who really does have his/her priorities straight and ALSO find yourself getting frustrated with your child. It's not an either/or situation. That's harsh. You were making some very sweeping generalizations based on frustration with one aspect of the guy's relationship with his daughter. This isn't "BigParenting.com".
This isn't Bigegostroke.com either. It's not mandatory to pat everyone on the head when I don't agree with what they are saying. There's little to no reason for him to be frustrated in this particular circumstance, and it's a childish response to bring up "mean parents" making him feel uneasy about watching his daughter play soccer. He's uneasy because he is embarrassed. Why is he embarrassed? Ask him? I think the answer is pretty clear.
Well I actually enjoy getting different perspectives from different people. Im not perfect as a parent for sure. Believe it or not I have learned quite a bit from message boards. Not this one so much, but it was very valuable to me to hear from different parents who have experienced this kind of thing. I once saw a video posted about parents yelling at referees. I used to occasionally do that. After seeing myself in the video I have pretty much stopped doing that completely. After this thread I feel alot better about my daughter and am doing a much better job of just letting her play and not worrying so much. My daughter has moved to top team this year and it is a very different environment. Frankly I love the coach but some of the other parents are a little scary. I will try to ignore them, but I don't think I will ever be happy to hear there comments. If that makes me a bad parent, I will try to work on that as well. Personally I love to hear about peoples experiences with youth soccer good and bad. Thats kind of why I come here. I actually wish more people would talk about their kids and youth soccer. It makes for a much more interesting forum. Otherwise it is just " The system in the us sucks, we will never be good compared to the rest of the world". Over and Over and Over again.
How about asserting yourself and telling them negative comments towards your daughter are not welcome in conversation with you?
I have a similar situation with my current team. One kid is woefully behind the other kids, but she made the team through a tryout. We have some really good players now but two years ago when we started ALL the girls were further behind than this girl is now and some have less natural athletic ability than she does now. Her parents know/feel/imagine that there is some "heat" directed at her daughter for being the worst player on the team. I can't say that no comments are made within ear shot, I'll bet money that there are. But it's striking to me how these parents could look at another kid and say stuff like "she's not good enough to be on this team" when their own kids were awful (not saying they were "not very good," I'm saying they were awful) not too long ago. And, yes I describe them as such back then but I never say that to them or make them feel like that. You have to be honest with the talent level of your players or they might not get what they really need out of you.
I'm going to continue to be contrarian on this one; here's the very first paragraph from the OP: My U12 Daughter says she loves soccer. She plays for a big club on one of the top teams in her age group. She is very talented and is a good athlete. She always works hard at practice. She often asks me to take her out to the soccer fields to shoot and pratice different skills. I don't initiate this extra work, she does. She likes to wear her Club gear to school and talks about soccer with anyone who will listen. I always assumed that the girl seems happy; I thought that was already a given. I never got the sense that this is an ego-driven crazy parent who is pushing his daughter too hard. If there is a later post detailing tears or frustration or lots of harsh "pep talks" from Mom and Dad, then I honestly overlooked them or forgot about them. But from the original post, I always pictured a kid who was happy enough, just a little passive during games. I do think the OP might have put his foot in his mouth a couple of times, but having seen my own son go through a similar phase of seeming indifferent during games despite showing a love for the sport otherwise, I think I know where oldntired is coming from, and I honestly think you guys are being too hard on him.
Well, for one, I don't want to project that I know whether the girl is happy or not. The issue is that the parent does seem more concerned with other things than the kid having an average 11 year old experience. Average 11-year old kids aren't perfect. Second, all the stuff you listed above does not mean the kid is happy. it means she identifies herself as a soccer player. Bugging her dad to go play soccer may mean she wants to spend time with her father and that is the way to get him to pay attention. If asked, my own 7-year old daughter says she will be a professional soccer player when she grows up. She says that because my job is soccer, and she knows I love it. She doesn't even play soccer on a team. Even the kids that wear club gear proudly at 12 can be the kids that quit the game at 14. It's about identity. As their grow and learn about other things, their identity changes. Third, as seen in the paragraph below, we can all handpick different words to take a glimpse into the real meaning. Clearly, it's important to this father that his daughter is a "very talented player and good athlete playing on a top team for a big club". I'm not sure how any of that helps us analyze the situation at hand for his daughter, but he felt it was important to tell us that. I think that's a little bit telling. And, anyone that feels the need to reiterate that they "don't initiate" what the kid does seem odd. I don't think he really needs to tell us that.
Good points. I still think that what we're talking about here is a well-meaning parent who has a kid with some stage fright/performance anxiety, but I could be wrong. At any rate, I see what you mean.
And, at the end of the day, you are right. This isn't bigparenting.com. Plus, the OP can tell me to **** ***, and I respect that opinion. But, I think he has his priorities wrong, because this clearly isn't a soccer problem. (which coincidentally is why I'm giving him grief for posting it on here). For all he knows, his daughter's shoes might not fit right, or she is self-conscious about her body. The complex world of the female athlete is not to be explored and judged by BigSoccer.com. We're not qualified.