This isn't that great, but I thought it might be useful. U16 B competitive match, and I only have one AR. Latino coach gives me some grief for missing offside calls on the end of the pitch where I don't have an AR. Me says "Do you want me on the sideline holding a flag, or out here." No reply.
BU15 game. About 5 minutes into the game, I'm hearing rumblings about a player needing a sub. I identify the player, he's got a look on his face, so I whistle to get the coaches attention and mime the sub signal. Player runs over yelling, "Coach, I've got diarrhea!" We all chuckle. About 10 minutes later, the player returns to the field. His teammates are giving him shit (pun intended) about it. I decide to chime in. "That's an accident I'm glad I didn't see. Would have given you a red card for that, for referee abuse." The captain turns to me and asks if I really would have given him a red card for that. "No." Pause "It would have been for violent conduct."
Men's open 1st division. One player for the red team is 45 years old, old enough to be the father of his teammates. Not a bad player. Let's call him "C." Middle of the second half, 0-0, his teammate, "D," gets fouled out towards the touchline, about the edge of their attacking third. I hit the whistle, because it was a borderline reckless foul, although probably not in this division. Just then, I see "C" running in to the ball from 30 yards away, the ball having rolled maybe 15 yards towards the goal line after the whistle. "D" protests "Ref, advantage!!!!" I told him, "I just figured that C wasn't able to run fast enough anymore to get there in time." D points to me and says, "You've got a point."
HS girls varsity. Before the game, the visiting coach is standing there as her team warms up, holding her son, who appeared to be, maybe, 10 months old. I went to them with a big smile and asked him "Are you playing today?" He's giving me the kid "I don't know what you're talking about" look. Mom says, "No, he's coaching." Again, talking to him (knowing mom is listening), I said, "Well, don't yell at me too loud when I make a mistake." No change in the kid's expression. I asked him "Can I get a fist bump?" No change in expression. I gently tapped his hand with my fist. The kid gives me a big smile. Mom is beaming. And I didn't hear a single word of complaint from her the whole game.
Way back when I coached my son's 1st grade team the coaches acted as the refs during games (played 4v4). I would walk around the field with my one year old daughter on my shoulders.
"What game are you guys watching?" To a pair of attackers who insisted there was no way I could have seen the handball <shudder> that didn't happen, since I wasn't even looking, something-something. Call was handling, made ten feet straight abaft an attacker whose outstretched arm took the ball off the hop, FK coming out. I had just had enough.
Many years ago, I was in the middle for a U18 boys tournament championship game. Your typical physical play on a corner kick, and I had both kids yelling at me that the other one committed the foul. I looked at both of them and said, "I must have made the correct call since both of you are mad at me" as I ran up the field for the ensuing goal kick. No further discussion from the players.
Last weekend I was CR on in a U14 boys lower level game and had two players really leaning into each other with their legs far out from each other. We were waiting for the keeper to retrieve the ball and reset for a goal kick. We probably had another 10 seconds or so before the restart would happen. It was really goofy looking. As I watched them they were just leaning waaaaay in trying to hold position against the other. Not sure why that particular six inches of turf had significance…especially while the keeper was retrieving the ball....but it seemed to. I whistled for the keeper to hold up and I hollered out to them “ My goodness guys what the heck are you two doing? Stop that cause’ it’s just too weird!” Now their teammates are cracking up at them. And then they did too. No problems from them before or after the event….it was just wierd looking ....and funny.
I had a U15 boys match where a couple of players were similarly trying to establish position by shoving each other around while the ball was out of play before a corner. I walked up to them and asked "Are you two dating?" That put an end to the shoving and all other manner of contact. When I later recalled the story to one of our local club mentors he strongly advised against using that line in the future.
If you can get away with it why not? Just kidding just kidding I've told players stuff that I would not repeat in the referee tent.
I only used this once, and with a coach I've known for some time: HIM: complain, complain, complain, complain complain. ME: Yeah, yeah, I hear you, coach. HIM: Well then why complain complain complain complain complain ME: Because that's how I saw it. HIM: No, you didn't ME: Look, (coach's name), when did we get married? HIM: Crap, sorry.
Mine is "Gentlemen, don't start dancing till the music starts. Wait the the ball to be in play, please."
Bang! Here's your card. My roommate is talking in his sleep, it's 1:00 AM at a tournament. I have no idea what the card was for.
Boys U15 Tourney. One player wraps his arms around opposing player. After I blow my whistle I say “You can give him a hug after the game is over!” The parents side erupted in laughter on that one.
Dude, when you're a ref you're not just you. Saying something that can be interpreted as homophobic is simply not appropriate in that role, however appropriate you may think it is in other contexts. Refs and humor is risky at best and riskier for those without grey hair. Humor that can be perceived as sexist, racist, homophobic, or belittling is simply not appropriate.