This past Saturday morning, my club team played our second game of the season. We lost our first game a week earlier to this same team, 2-1. Game time temperature was 32 degrees. We are a team of 8 and 9 year old girls playing up in the u10 division. Before we even started, one of my starters began to cry because she was cold. By midway through the first half, I had four cryers, three of which were starters. At the half, we were up 2-0 and dominating. Two of the girls refused to go back in and the two other cryers went in for an early shift, but gave very little effort. The other coach and I reminded them multiple times that they were letting down their teammates and causing them pain. Our opponent had zero girls crying or refusing to play. My daughter, who is decent but not in great soccer shape and two other backups teamed with three others to play the last 17 of 25 minutes without a break and with a sharp, cold wind in their faces. We won 3-0 with basically 7 girls. The parents of the cryers were not happy and agreed that this is a teachable moment. A discussion will be had in two days at practice and the six who were on the field to end the game will start the next one. I plan to keep it general about playing for each other and being a team. Thoughts on this? Any similar stories?
Teachable moment, indeed… My first concern is you talk about past records and game results as if they are somehow relevant…I worry your reaction to these 8-9 year old girls acting like 8-9 year old girls was colored by desire win and/or revenge a prior lose… Which leads to my 2nd concern, these are 8-9 year old girls we are talking about, not members of SEAL Team 6…I fear higher-level or adult concepts like “letting down teammates,” “causing them pain” or whatever you were “reminding” them of on the sidelines are not the motivators you think they are to are 8-9 year old girls, nor is it fair to expect them to be…. These 8-9 year old girls were undressed and cold and uncomfortable for weather conditions…nothing more…and at that age, it is the responsibility of their parents to make sure their kids are dressed properly for conditions….this seems like the most obvious teachable moment… I would tread very lightly on any further discussions regarding this matter with the girls themselves and not make things any worst or bigger then you may already have…and I would be very careful about doing anything that looks like “punishment” of these “criers” or make them feel any worse then they already do….the only lesson to take out of this for these girls is to dress a little warmer in cold weather, that’s it. Don’t turn a small nothing into a lingering negative that makes these girls love soccer a little less...like doctors, the first rule of youth coaches should be, do no harm…
THIS. They're kids. They're too young to be pressured into taking this all so seriously. Some kids are just less competitive at a young age than others. It's not a character flaw. Please don't treat it as such.
I appreciate the feedback. I probably shared too much of the back story with the previous game and score. I do not worry myself or the girls with wins and losses. We are an independent club team made up of friends in our hometown. We decided to stay together and play up to keep them together. The parents and girls know that victories will be hard to come by. Basically, we are decent rec team playing in a club league. I'm by no means a hard nosed coach. All we ask is that they try and play hard when called upon. We stress that this team is about being a family. We volunteer in the community together and we have fun get togethers. On average, independent teams have a very short lifespan, so I do my best to prepare the better players for their next step and try to keep it fun for all. All four parents beat me to the punch by talking to the girls about how their actions impact their teammates. Two of the criers left our game and jumped in a cold lake to raise money for special Olympics and were smiling and laughing. Because these girls checked out, the remaining girls had to suffer. The parents suggested that I make them play, but i wasn't about to forcibly put them on the line to sub. Also, they were all properly dressed for the weather. Granted, I don't think they were faking, but I do think they could have an least helped their mates and ran out there for 5 minutes. I can see just moving on and not addressing it, but we are going to speak on it in a general sense- not singling out or embarrassing girls.
As someone who has been there - years ago mind you, I would likely have looked at it the same way. That said today - looking back, I would not do a thing. Some players don't want to play in these sorts of situations - they are not yet in a position to have the sort of passion to forgo all else to play the game. In fact I would argue at 8 and 9 a VERY SMALL percentage of players - especially girls, would. This is the age that players would rather have a sleepover the night before and miss a game the next morning altogether rather then to play in perfect weather. Like bigred said - they are kids. Just don't do it. Let it go and be grateful for the ones who stepped up. They are there to play the game and they will likely become your core. Odds are that half of the other girls who did not want to play will be out by the time they are 10 or 11.
Okay so what is the ultimate goal here? I was in the same position in 2010 and I can tell you that keeping my team together was a huge mistake. Again - kids this age do not (especially girls) have a level of passion for the game that pushes aside all else. What you experienced I would say is more normal then not.
That’s the difference right there…. Than let it go…you seem determined make this a bigger deal then it is and/or impart your coach wisdom/philosophy on a bunch 9 year olds who, trust me, could really care less…they just want to play a little soccer and have fun… Given the way you continue to talk about and describe this incidence, I highly question your ability to speak on it without singling out or embarrassing them, especially if you come at from the direction you seem to want to… I am not trying to be harsh…I get it, I’ve been here…everything in the moment feel so critically important and needs to be immediately addressed and corrected…but it isn’t and it ain’t…what happened will soon be forgotten (if you let it), it is not a character flaw to be corrected, nor is it an indicator of future behavior….couple of girls had a bad day….they know it and have already been made to feel bad enough about it…don’t pile on…
Speaking as a parent (who's had kids involved in club soccer at 8/9), I would be questioning anyone who didn't cancel a U10 league game with temperatures below freezing (assuming the windchill probably put the temps in the 20s). I get soccer can be played in all kinds of weather, and was actually at a game where they needed to shovel the snow off the field before the game and then it snowed a couple of inches during the game, but that was college AND televised. I don't think anything further should be said to the girls from the coach. If the parents have a problem, they can address it. If you feel the need to start the girls that kept playing, go ahead. I doubt 8/9 year olds are putting much emphasis on starting. Granted, their parents might, but I doubt it would be an issue.
What do they wear under their Jersey when they first come into a game? At a young age we had our boys wear turtle necks to keep their chest warmer. They have to get their mind off things like how cold it is and what the score is. Don't make a sub come in at the last minute. Give them enough time to warm up before they come in get them thinking before they come in on what you want them to do in the game.Weather in cold weather or hot weather. Player can do it if they are used to playing in that weather. It's hard to play in very hot weather even if they hydrate enough. We had a rule they play in shorts if it was 32 degrees or more. Sweats under the shorts if it was lower then that. They should wear a sweat suits during the pregame warm up and on the bench.
Why? This is a U10 league. Folks complain about "crazy" parents, how about "over enthusiastic" coaches? Requiring shorts only for 8/9 year olds if it's 32 degrees? Please. First, I still don't think the game has to played in those conditions, but if it does, why not allow long johns, sweats, whatever?
Because that is what club teams did not just the coaching staff. That why read my whole post. Post on it all not just on the 32 degree part of it. Don't play in the rain either or if it starts to snow in a game. When the day before it was 60 degrees. Or don't go if it's grandma birthday. Or don't take the child if that is the time they have to spent with a divorced spouse. Can't go together because they hate each other.
Fine, I'll quote the entire post. Feel better? Then I think it's your club that's insane requiring 8-9 year olds to be in shorts only in freezing temperatures. Do they ban hats and gloves too? I understand playing in the rain. My kids have been in many rain games. We've even had flurries on some early season games. But please explain why it is so important for 8/9 year olds to play an early season league game in freezing temperatures.
It's Nicko...he's talking about the 1930's.... But seriously, I think you are misreading his intend…I don’t think he’s defending playing little kids in bad weather conditions, quite the opposite… Playing in shorts is the ideal, hence such rules/standard…I wouldn’t say it’s so important but, playing in shorts in 32 degrees, if properly dressed elsewhere, is hardly child abuse…maybe you think I am defending it now…I don’t mean to necessarily, I just think what constitutes bad weather condition can be a bit subjective…playing the cold is bad, but playing in the rain is ok?
Hey Mwulf gets it. Kids feel the cold in their chests more then their legs. You come from a cold weather area besides covering their chest you got to do the other things as well. Sometimes things happen in games. Got to get their minds off it. Kids get hit in the face with the ball sometime on clearances. You can't just have mommy run out on the field and hug them for 20 mintes in a game that only last a certain amount of time. You might tell them what a great header but you can't do that anymore. Because headers are not allowed anymore. Kids miss games all the time now because of family functions like grandma birthdays. I rather see grandma come to games and enjoy watching their grand children play. I rather see parents who are divorced be adult and go to their kids games together. Instead of telling their daughters how bad the other parents are and try to turn innocent kids against each other. You know stuff like that.
I apologize if I misread. I apologize if I compared kids in shorts to "child abuse", that wasn't my intent. I think AT THAT AGE GROUP, parents should have more of a say on "winterizing" their kids than a club. Like I said, I've had kids play in bad weather. I feel the age of the players should factor in to the decision to have a game. I also don't feel kids need to be wrapped in bubble wrap. But there is a middle ground.
Maybe grade that on a curve depending on location? Like growing up in Southern California anything under 50 would've been extreme; nobody would even leave the house on the rare days that it hit 32 degrees....