I have reffed many games of soccer that don't really count because it was rec. but still. I was President or on the board of a small recreation soccer league and I loved reffing games. I never really had too many issues except for the High School aged kids that could get a little lippy. I once had a player flip me off and swear at me. He just happened to be one of my kids from a trek experience from church. Good times. Had to kick him out and after an apology we let him come back and play. The worst part of reffing is the parents. It's not even close. Parents and Coaches are horrible. Without a doubt the level of vitriol rises in accordance with a parents lack of knowledge. My favorite day of the season was Silent Saturday. Loved watching coaches and parents try and not yell out constant instruction. I think that the kids loved it too. Been a couple years since I was on the board and the only thing I really miss is reffing. Especially the younger age groups from U8 and up. It was so much fun to just be part of the game with kids that were there just to have fun. It was a real treat. I might be on the weird side because I have always enjoyed reffing sports. I've reffed hundreds and hundreds of Church BBall games and enjoyed almost all of them, even the region YM's title game one year that was a 3 point shot from going to triple overtime. Good times.
Silent Saturday is the best. To see kids out there just playing and having fun is such a breath of fresh air. Good coaches don't stand up and berate their players non-stop, they sit roughly 75% of the time, if not more, and then provide very direct instructions.
Your story is my son’s, except you stuck it out longer. He started very young. Got certified. Took the responsibilities seriously. He also played the game and understood some of the nuances such as trying to keep a flow to the game, etc... he lasted almost 3 years before getting sick if the parents and leaving.
The main problem with coaches are in the competition leagues when the coaches are compensated. The parents and org leaders expect their teams to win. The coaches are under lots of pressure in that regard.
I reffed for a few season when I was younger and had more spare time, I knew it was going to suck going in because I had already coached youth soccer teams as well, I knew the racket that a lot of coaches and a lot of parents laid out there. That doesn't change going up the ranks in reffing, you just get more numbers, but if you want to ref it's the one thing you KNOW you are going to put up with. Part of me enjoyed being the "villain" and the other part of me loved using the heckling to make sure I was as accurate as I could be while reffing. I made this point in the other thread, the best refs go unnoticed and a lot of the time that's impossible, but when you place poor employees in tough jobs they are going to make more mistakes and draw the ire from more eyes around them. That's exactly what has happened in MLS, PRO has given the league poor referees who can't do their job at the level they are supposed to be a part of. I don't blame the fans for being pissed off, they have the right to be, they pay good money to go to games and be entertained and they are often treated to questionable experiences due to horrible reffing jobs. So I to boo the refs, get better, suck it up and realize that part of the job is taking shit from people. Want to limit the amount of boos coming your way? Learn to be a better ref or go down to a lower level where there are few people to boo at you.
My son did a baseball 'league' this year that completely took the parents out of everything. It was just every other month in june/july but they basically take everyone that signed up, and you'd drop your kid off and they'd manually form their teams and just play the game. It was nothing official, but just a way for the kids to go out and have fun without any real pressure. I'm definitely one that would love to watch my kids play, but I'm more than fine sitting on the sidelines while they do their thing. While I can understand being upset at a somewhat blatant missed call, I'll never understand the majority of parents that act like their kid/kids team can seemingly do no wrong while the other team is a bunch of dirty cheats. Is it really that hard to just show up and enjoy the fact that your kid is enjoying a sport and getting some fun and exercise? Unless you have an *extremely* special kid, they will never go pro. Hell, they'll probably not make a high school or college team. Just enjoy the fact that your kid is out there having fun.
As a youth coach who is compensated I wish I could disagree but I can't. 1. Coaches create a lot of that pressure by thinking they are the greatest thing when, in fact, they're just slightly more qualified than a lot of the parents. 2. As a parent I can understand wanting/thinking the best of your child. Sports should be a great way of learning humility. The problem is parents/coaches aren't on board with that a lot of the time. One of the hardest parts of coaching young teams with top players is teaching them how to lose. It's quite fascinating, really. When I coach I make a point of having the "best" players lose just as much as the "worst" ones. Messi and Ronaldo don't win every game or tournament they are in, why should you? 3. The money in youth sports is flat out ridiculous. I say this being paid and know the irony in it. I have a daughter in competitive dance and holy shit if you think soccer is expensive... That's not an excuse, though, it's just deflecting. In an ideal world, the USSF would actually use some of that insanely large chest of money they have to fund youth leagues and not make it the cash cow it is for some truly awful people (not all people in it are awful, though).
The only time I got upset as a parent is if it seemed that the tactics and/or no-calls appeared to be leading to someone getting injured. Wins and losses didn't matter. One game I recall involved a ref telling both teams at the coin flip that she didn't intent to call much. The result: 2 broken arms and a concussion, and it was girls U13 D3 (ie, nobody's gettin' a college scholarship here).
I have to amend my previous post. If the ref happened to be a personal friend, I would maybe say a few things. More as a joke than as a rabid parent, though. Something like, "You missed that one, Bob, you only get three more misses this game before you get the small hamburger at the next barbecue."
I'll always remember one tournament for this reason. We had a team built at pretty much the last second (our kits were just white shirts with taped numbers) going against some comp teams from out of state. We made it to the final and that game was a hot mess. The other team was clearly out for blood and the ref wasn't calling anything. They manage to score, and not long after break the keepers arm on a dirty tackle (that wasn't even called) The other teams coach lobbies the ref to call the game because 'it's getting out of hand' so they hand that team 1st since they were up at the time. We were pretty livid. That's probably the one and only time I was ready to fight another team. It was such bs the whole way through. We wouldn't even take our trophies from it.