One of the pitfalls (and yes there are many more) of offensive, insulting or abusive language is that if you allow it the first time with a caution then you are sending a message to the other 21 players on the field that they get to say it once too and only get a caution. Yes it is important to know how to manage a match but it is also important to not dig a hole of your own making.
That's fair enough. That's a good point, though I do think these are learned behaviors to an extent. I can tell the players in my league who watch the most soccer -- they're the floppers. I still can't believe the high school baseball umpire simply let the coach yell "That's ********ing bullshit" loud enough for me to hear it 50 yards away. What a depressing thought. Mildly funny story with no particular relevance to any debate -- the first time I heard a player use profanity on the field was when I covered the ACC women's soccer semifinals in 1990. It was one of Mia Hamm's teammates. Another teammate shushed her, clearly worried the ref might hear. They won 6-0.
There is a big difference between a youth game an Adult amateur game and a Pro/semi-pro game. In most cases in an youth game you will be fine with going with a red card for a personal nature of the language. In an Adult amateur game YMMV, but as "Baka_Shinpan" stated trying other tools in your arsenal will probably be a better option. Now in a Pro setting with cameras and fans, unless they are screaming at the top of their lungs while pointing at you good luck sending a player off for this.
One of my best coach friends used to be the head coach for a very strong club in Texas, all Latino. Well, almost all. His oldest boys' team had one red neck white kid who travelled a long distance to play with the team. They were in Youth Regionals and doing well. A white player from the opposing team "asked" the white kid on the Texas team, "Why do you play with those dirty Mexicans?" Within a few seconds, the Texas team had the ball in the back of the net. As he goes back up field, the white kid tells the one who asked him the "question", with a heavy Texas drawl, "Ah play with them because they're goooooood!" The best lesson I can think of for the kid from the other team.
We can not overlook the possibility that coaches or players who use racist language are trying to get an overblown reaction from the opponent. High school boys' varsity game, first or second game of the season for the teams, inner city schools. Early in the game, home has a rush on goal but the keeper scoops up the ball, near the home team's forward. The forward was black, the goalkeeper Hispanic. The forward comes straight back to me and exclaims, "Ref, did you hear that? He called me a n.....r!" I calmly told him, "No, I didn't hear it. When guys say stuff like that, they do it quiet enough so the referee can't hear it. He's probably just trying to get you to do something stupid and get sent off." "You mean, like he's messing with my mind?" "Yeah, exactly." "Okay, thanks, ref." No further problems. Our state high school association has the rule that any spectator language that involves race, ethnicity, religion, gender, gender preference should cause the officials to stop the game and have the school administrator deal with it before the game can be restarted. Once I was doing a freshman girls game. Actually, 9th grade in those days, at a junior high. Fairly informal, to say the least. But there were some boys from the home school congregating maybe 20 yards down the line from the home team's "bench." And they start talking fairly loudly about the appearance of some of the players. At a stoppage, I went to the home coach and asked her, "Coach, you want to deal with this?" Her jaw was set and she was marching towards the boys, with the death stare in her eyes. They disappeared real quick. I gave her the thumbs up and restarted the game.
I know enough Spanish to be dangerous. While AR2 on a JV Girls game, a group of latino boys were making sexual/degrading comments about some of the girls on the pitch. I made some comment like, bastante, no mas! (enough no more). They looked at me sheepishly and wandered off.
Finally, a reason to start learning Spanish I can get behind. I know I SHOULD know a second language, but I always needed some good motivation. I mean besides the basics, Cervezas and Bano and the such. Bastante, no Mas!. Teach me more!!
I mostly know the bad words, especially those that are going to be red every time. I have had players think that I really speak Spanish. We have a couple of referees whose appearance is very white bread, Norte Americano, but who are quite fluent in Spanish. One of them female. As you can imagine, this has produced a number of surprised players. Very surprised.
Soy uno de ellos. Con 190 cm de altura y muy blanco, hablé español en casa durante 7 años seguidos. Mi primera esposa era española. I am one of them. At about 6' 4" and white, I spoke spanish almost exclusively during my first marriage. When I taught high school in New Mexico I would usually keep it a secret for the beginning of each semester. It took awhile before each class would tumble to the fact that I was understanding their side conversations. Only one class ever confronted me directly and I spoke up. Most of the language on the pitch is pretty slangy, something which tends to be regional. It's pretty easy to fill in any blank spots in your vocabulary if you understand the wording around it. I've gone and looked specific words up for verification of my assumptions after matches.
U16G’s this weekend. Forward cutting across the too of the area, decided to stop and fire a shot back the way she had come. Yes, it ended up almost out for a throw. “F###”, she yelled. Me: It might be a good idea to say that quietly to yourself next time. Her: What did I say? Genuinely had no idea.
Yeah, I'm gonna disagree with this, to a point... Anything below adult matches and you're going to leave. You're a child, you're supposed to be developing as a player and a human being, that's why you're here. Spouting abuse at a referee and I'm zero tolerance. "Aw F***, $H**!, " etc... muttered to ones self gets a warning (depending on age, situation) "You said "gosh darnit", right?" "You said 'shoot', right?" Set the tone, but directed abuse is beyond reproach. The game is headed to this "awww, c'mon, everyone's doing it" behavior, language, abuse, diving all being excused as part of the game. It isn't part of the game, it's unsporting, uncivil and unlawful. Everything depends on the level of the match, age of the players, how they're treating the match, each other, officials etc... obviously, and yes, we can manage things with our personality and with cards, that's our job, right? But we don't want players imitating what they see in the professional leagues, so why do we feel like we have to tolerate that same behavior? As my H.S. Assignor told me "Look, if you see something minor that's technically against the rules you can handle it, or you can be a dick about it. It's up to you, I'll support you as long as you're within the laws and using common sense. But abuse of a referee or another player/coach/spectator is zero tolerance."
One girls match, U14 or U19, someone said something. I simply said, "Oo, nice words." She yells out to her teammates, "Hey, watch the language, the ref is ..." (I forgot exactly what she said about my hearing or calling abilities, but it wasn't bad.) No foul language in that game.
As a half deaf referee (seriously), this is an area that is tough for me. I simply don't hear most of the nonsense, and if I do, don't know who said it. So I treat it like any call - if I don't see (hear) it, I'm not calling it. I do a lot of games in a predominately Latino league. And I do not know much Spanish. Aqua about covers it. But I often work with an AR who does and gets very worked up about inappropriate language. So we have an arrangement where if he hears something, he will signal me and I will give a YC to the offender. Never had to do a RC for this. We have done this 2-3 times and of course I get the "what I do refffffff?" And I point them at the AR and say, "he heard what you said". Seems to be working pretty good, because we have not had to do it in awhile. But I really wouldn't know.........................
I learned this at a development academy this year - what I recall someone telling me is that apparently in certain South American countries the two arm palms upward "get up" movement is seen as insulting - ie "you're a p$ssy, get up little girl". I've used that for a long time for "not a foul, get up and play" so I'm trying to remove it from my routine, but it's hard to change.
...which only served to remind me that my younger son's HS career came to an untimely end in the state quarterfinal when his sweeper told a flattened striker to "Get up b*tch" and was promptly rewarded with a red card. The game went rapidly downhill from there.
My first year refereeing high school, I went to the boys state championship game, between my old school and their public school rival from the same league. Overtime but co-champions if it was still tied and the game went to overtime. With two minutes left in the second overtime, as the public school dribbled the ball through the center circle, a public school defender throws down my school's forward, in the penalty area. Alert trail AR raises his flag, whistle, penalty kick and we were state champions. No word on what the forward said that produced that behavior by the defender.