so My wife left me, her church elder told me that he cannot help me but he suggested that it might help if I joined her religion. I always objected to her religion (she is jehovah witness) but I want her back. should I just join it and pretend I want to be a jehovah witness so I can increase my chances with her? I am stressed and need help.
I thought JWs didn't believe in divorce. Regardless, you don't fake a religion to make someone happy. I'm walking proof of that. You either believe or you don't. There really is no inbetween. I hope your wife decides that what she's doing is downright extortion. It makes me feel extremely grateful that my wife, who's a church goer, doesn't pressure me. She cares that I don't go, but she doesn't hold it against me because there's an incredible amount of love between us. And many that's what needs to be figured out. Because he act isn't an act of love. You need to determine if she even loves you. And then go from there. But sometimes, many times, love isn't enough. Check that. You're feelings towards someone aren't enough. It's your conduct that will determine how healthy your relationship is. Maybe she just wants you there every so often without having to commit yourself to her faith. If that's all, then I would say go for it. I attend every now and then because my wife does get tired going along with the kids every Sunday. It's no sweat off my brow. She just knows that I'm not buying in as a regular goer. Find out, if she's still talking to you. Good luck, man.
Yeah, I know -- you're all distraught and torn up. But that idea is utterly pathetic. Have some pride and just let her go. Seriously.
Agreed. A phony conversion won't help. The Jehovah Whitnesses are as close as you can get to being a cult and still be a recognize religion.
If the lying was easy and didn't effect you much, I'd still think about doing so. But being a Jehovah's Witness has a big effect on your life. Whenever you have to do something you don't want to, and can't do something you do want, you are just going to end up resenting your wife more and more and you will split anyway.
they cant stop people from getting divorced but they will disfellowship her if she gets married again. btw thanks people.. one of the things that I gathered from reading your responses is that I should leave.. I really dont want to do that nor im ready to do that. I still love her.. her friends says she still loves me but she left and filed for divorce because she cant see a way to work it out. I really feel I can work things out but she got an order of protection against me because we had a domestic violence incident were we both were breaking stuff .. it got bad.. but I still love her and I have not hurt her... so thats why I thought if I go to her church and become a jehovah witness then maybe she could drop the order of protection.. I would also would like to mention that we have 2 little guyz and my wife has not let me seen them for 30 days.. and its killing me. I have this pain in my chest that wont go away.... my kids are not in the order of protection.
I don't know your whole situation, has she always been this religious or is she going through a phase? Also, is this the main issue that is getting in the way of your relationship, or does your relationship have other issues that led to her leaving? But, if you care about this woman enough to be willing to consider joining her religion that is amazing. It says a lot that you'd consider it, but you just can't do that, it would be living a lie. I guess if you love her, the best you can do is stop objecting to her religious beliefs, tell her that you will be open minded and will support her, but ask her to also be fair in accepting you with your own beliefs or lack of them. Also the fact that you have kids together is a problem, as far as how to raise them. I would imagine that the fact that she wants to raise them in her religion must be an issue for you. But as long as she is treating them well, maybe you just have to accept that, and trust that they'll make their own minds when they're older. I guess if I were you I would tell her that I would respect her beliefs, even that I do not object to her teaching it to the kids, that I want to see them and be a husband and a father. If she won't have you as a husband, at least insist that you want to be a father, she cannot keep the kids away from you. I hope this helps.
I never objected her to follow her religion nor I told her not to teach it to my children. I always thought that if I do my job right as a parent, I would have taught my kids to keep an open mind about things so they could make up their own mind. So far they are 8 and 3 years old and I have never intervened in their religious teachings. Yes... its a bad thing to want to live a lie if I join her religion. But I really love her and now she is gone. The problems really are not about the religion since I really didnt intervene with her beliefs and I never told her ever to leave her religion. But I wanna know if it would help if I join. Im willing to do it but then again.. I dont know if I will be happy with that JW life. I use to be one and I got disfellowshipped like 9 years ago. The problems really arise from us not communicating, she had her own problems with her past that have shaped her feelings and demeanor. I always dismissed them as her problems and I would tell her to get couseling. That was my fault. I should have encouraged her to go and me to accompany her. Now we had a domestic violence incident at my place and 6 days later she dissapeared and she served me with divorce papers. Im really lost and I havent talked to her in 30 days and I havent seen my children or talked to them in 30 days. Im lost here.
Don't take this the wrong way but I think looking for answers on a soccer message board may not be the best path forward for you.
im not looking for answers. I am the judge of what the answer is. Im looking for an opinion or different point of view. Or corrective point of view.
I have a lawyer now. I havent been to court yet but I have already incurred 719 dollars in legal fees. Honestly man.. I think it was my pride that drove her away.. I was too proud to help her... now she is gone.. I have a hearing for temporary orders on december 6. I feel like getting on my knees on that day and beg her to come back.
Your pride drove her away? That's rubbish. And you know what? At this point that doesn't matter anyway. All that matters is that you need to protect your kids, yourself and your access to your kids. Period. The best you can probably hope for with your wife is some sort of court ordered, court supervised counseling. If that doesn't work? That's why you have to protect yourself and your kids.
let me elaborate, I knew my wife had a problem. I was too proud to help her, she would ask me to go to counseling with her and I would refuse for I would see it as her problem, she should've had the self esteem to take care of herself. The thing is, I dont think she saw the problem that I would lay out for her. She suffered from low self esteem due to horrible things that happened to her before I married her. I should've helped her. and I didnt. I was blind by my pride. I would think it was not my problem, she should deal with it. and you know what.. at this point you might be right. but one thing is that I still love my wife, even thou she slapped an order of protection against me with exclusive use of the home, has taken my kids, tried to get me arrested for domestic violence even thou I was never charged and was informed by the county prosecutor that I would not be charged, has gotten all her family against me and has filed for divorce. I still do love my wife and I want to protect my kids, but I also know that my wife is a good mom, and I would not want to take the kids away from her either. She would be crushed, but I also greatly miss my kids. thats why I was asking that if it would be a good idea to join her religion.. to show her that I want to change. but.. a lie I would live.
None of us know the whole story so our "advice" will be very flawed, but if it helps to talk about it. She's the mother of your children and you love her. I wouldn't be thinking of "pride" or whatever. Protect (and try to improve) yourself, but if there's a way to reconcile it's probably be worth a try. Best of luck to you.
you have no idea how much I want to unconditionally reconcile... I want to make my wife happy.. I just hope she feels the same way sometime along this divorce process... I am going to counseling now... I felt I needed it now more than ever..
Escudo: My prayers are with you. I don't have a lot of advise here; but if you speak honestly about your feelings it may help. Do it over dinner invitation or someplace quiet. Buy her some flowers to show your feelings. Try to be accommodating but firm on what you both believe in terms of faith. Make a statement that you are willing to share her faith if she shares yours.... Best of luck.
I really, really feel for you. But I agree with most of the others--worry about your kids and your relationship with them. That's what matters now. And you should be talking about all of this with your lawyer, your friends, whoever. Best wishes, man. I am moving this thread to Parenting & Family in hopes you'll get more feedback there. I wish you the best.
as somebody who's gone through this, I just wanna say hang in there. and to the comment about 'not looking to soccer message boards for advice' ... yeah, I see your point but that's not what I feel is going on here. I posted about my relationship on here when I was going through the same thing. While I got good advice, the best part of it all was just being able to unburden myself of all that stuff holding in. It feels good to let it out and find out there are people who are going/have gone through the same stuff as you. so, I hope you find some peace in your life and some happiness. You're very concerned about doing whatever is best for her, to get her back ... don't forget to focus on you and the kids. do what's best for them. as tough as it sounds, what's best may not be staying with her. I hope you find what you're looking for. Best wishes, man
Having been though something similar, the best avice I can give you is to hold tight to your kids. Even if they are not responding to you, never miss a visit, call or event. If your wife blames you for the problems in front of the kids, do not respond in kind. Never criticize her in front of your children, especially if she is wrong. It will take time, but the kids will realize that you took the high road. You will not only make the situation easier for everyone you will be teaching by example a powerful lesson of right & wrong to your kids. It's not easy, but it's your responsibility. The kids come first. Try finding your religious beliefs, you'll be better for it. Good luck.
Join the religion, be the best Jehovah they've ever seen and then fcuk them over with the IRS or something. The balls of them to suggest that you use religion as a kind of bargaining chip to get your wife back. Be strong for the sake of your kids. They might not know now but they'll appreciate it one day.
I agree with those who say that trying to adopt a spiritual view with which you have never agreed in order to accomplish a separate end would be a bad idea. And, in my opinion, Jehovah's Witnesses present some pretty difficult theological hurdles to overcome, even if you were inclined to join them. It's tragic for your children that you and your wife could not stay together, get some counseling and maintain as a family. I'm not sure what you will learn about yourself from this, but I am sure it will be a harsh lesson at first. Maybe you will gain in the long run. That's mostly up to you. God wants to be part of your life, whether you recognize it or not. Where you go with that idea is up to you, also. My hopes and prayers are with you.