Marriage

...with another woman?

 

Let's not forget the video camera....

 

I was freaking out the few days before my wedding. It was sinking on me that I was hooking up not just with hubby, but also all the extended family. I was thinking it was a very bad move for me. Well, today is my 24th anniversary. Guess that was just nerves.

 

"And I'm not picking on love... 'cause I don't think friendship exists either."

 

for a change, why not emphasize some of the bad bits, not the good ones.

 

I am still married after many more years than 10 and in the end, I have to say,

you might want to trust your instinct.

I think of nothing worse than those folks who say -- go for it, it'll work out.

Of course it will work out. It usually does. If I moved to Houston now it would work out, but that doesn't mean it is the best thing for me.

I am a good man and I married a good woman and our kids are great. But am I so self rightous and cocky and unimaginative to think that this is the only way it could have and should have worked out? I think that is blind.

If you love your about to be and it feels right, do it. If it doesn't -- if you feel scared, you should think about it.

And if you take the plunge, it will work out. Because you are a good and honorable person and you will love your spouse and kids.

Because that is what good married people do.

[There was the awesome short story I read in the new yorker about 15 years ago, and in the final scene, a husband is looking in on hs sleeping wife, and he realizes that he doesn't and has never really loved her, and that he wouldn't change anything at all if he could have, because his life was as it was meant to be. It was an amazing story and I never was able to remember who wrote it and what the title was. ]

 

For the record, lest superdave look this up someday and call me a liar in some bizare superdave internet wrestling match, I was only responding to the "youth ending comment". Oman, good stuff.

 

About your point Boston. I've been married for eight months now. Before that, my wife and I had been a couple for five years already, and had already moved in together while still in college.

In retrospect, that (the moving in together) was a much bigger change in life-style than the marriage. Each spending time apart with our friends is something we already did back in college and still do today. It is something we both value. Too many of our friends completely go off the radar while in a relationship, which is something that never made much sense to either of us. Getting married has changed nothing in that respect for both of us. We still go out seperately with our respective friends several times a month.

As you alluded to, it's all a matter of trust. But then, did those women trust their men prior to getting married? Or were nights out with the guys already a problem prior to the nuptials? If a person has a problem with going out seperately before you're married, this won't change after getting married.

 

Say you have a church wedding.

The bride goes down the aisle to the altar while the organ plays a hymn.

And that's what she's thinking the whole time-"I'll alter him."

Causes a lot of trouble,that.

On a serious note,I'm getting married again Saturday,and I feel very lucky to have found someone who won't do that.

 

I think by the time we got married, my wife had given up any illusions about changing me.

 

Yeah, having time apart is very healthy for a marriage in my opinion.

It was kind of funny for me, when I got married--all my single friends acted as if I had died or something and stopped calling, emailing, etc. I tried to get together with them and they thought it was too weird to be hanging out with a married lady, apparently. Kinda lame but perhaps understandle in some ways.

 

You are all too correct with this assessment. People at FC Dallas games ask me why I don't try harder to bring the wife, but truth be told game nights are 'guys nights' to me. I can drink heavily, smoke a cigar, curse loudly, and act like I'm in 10th grade, and I need that every once in a while. Its also her night to watch one of those woman-beating Lifetime movies with her best friend, or shop with her sister.

 

While we still lived around people I knew and was friends with before we married, it was logical and easy to spend time with my friends without my wife. But as we've moved and put down roots elsewhere, the tendency is for us to make friends with couples with whom we do things. I go to the odd late night basketball game with some friends, but am not interested in doing much without my wife and/or kids in our current dynamic.

 

is like a Red Bull fan or something?

 

"Can't imagine being with anyone else"

Has anyone here ever felt that way about their spouse? I never have.

 

don't tell her that.

 

So if you're a woman that smokes cigars, drinks heavily and curses loudly, and ********ing hates the entire Lifetime channel lineup and all that sort of tripe - am I still a woman?

 

I've got one....or rather she has me.

 

I feel that way about my boyfriend/partner. We're not married, but we might as well be. I honestly cannot imagine being with someone else. Before I met him, I didn't think I could ever spend my entire life with one person. Now I can't imagine a day without him. Sounds pretty ********ing sappy, but there it is.

As for spending time apart, of course that's healthy. If your spouse is not comfortable with it, it probably means there are trust issues which are a deeper problem. At the same time, my boyfriend and I rarely spend time apart. We have almost all the same interests. All his friends have become mine and vice versa. I'm not saying that this makes our relationship better; it just depends on the couple.

EDIT: Re-reading, it sounds like that second part is directed at you specifically, oman. It's not. I was just addressing the earlier comments.