I'm sure you LA types can explian this guy's problem for me - I read THIS ARTICLE TWICE and I still don't have a clue.

About all I can gather between the seventh grade level sarcasm and the writing style he apparently borrowed from some 12 year old girl's text messages is that he wants desperately to talk to David Beckham, but Beckham is avoiding him.

Honestly, it's hard to blame him. I wouldn't talk to this arrogant little dweeb either. There's just so much to laugh at in this piece that it's hard to pick out any one thing, but this one was certainly among my favorites:

I thought he was brought here to put soccer on the U.S. map and make MLS or MSL or whatever they call the soccer league that ranks here right up there with the Arena league into something more meaningful.

Gosh, pal, I can't imagine why Beckham didn't put talking to your dumb ass right at the top of his to-do list.

But because he's not getting what he wants when he wants it, this clown takes to the keyboard and just trashes Beckham. And then newspaper people can't figure out why nobody wants to pay money to read their golden prose any more.

So Beckham's people told the guy that David was tired and couldn't talk to him and then Becks showed up at a party someplace two days later. Imagine the gall of the man. What an outrage.

Listen Sparky, maybe you ought to consider the possibility that, despite the fact that Salma Hayak is your "galpal", that David Beckham thinks talking to you would be a waste of his time.

Goodness knows reading you sure is.