How to handle a screaming coach?

Discussion in 'Youth & HS Soccer' started by ppierce34, May 20, 2019.

  1. ppierce34

    ppierce34 Member

    Aug 29, 2016
    Fort Wayne, IN
    Daughters U11 team....Good team great group of girls but the coach (female) is a screaming maniac. She screams in 2 diff't ways 1) Nonstop instructions to kids (joysticking) 2) Screams at the kids for mistakes, what she perceives to be not hustling etc...When i say "scream" i mean "SCREAM".

    We had a tournament this past weekend which we went 3-0 in and played well and parents of other teams were laughing at her. She could be heard on other fields. Total psychotic meltdown during 2 out of the 3 games.
     
  2. DaBurg

    DaBurg Member

    Apr 18, 2019
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Get your player away from that coach as fast as possible. There's no fixing people like this. Honestly. I've tried, but usually if they're the type that can scream like this to 10 year old's then they aren't going to be likely to listen to logic. This can potentially destroy your child's love of the game, which must be preserved at all costs if you want her to want to put in the effort to get better.
     
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  3. sam_gordon

    sam_gordon Member

    Feb 27, 2017
    How close are you to the end of the season? I agree with getting away from the coach, but if there are only a handful of games left (that's where we are), I would wait it out (after discussing with the child).

    You should be able to find out before tryouts for next season if she's continuing as the coach. Then you can make an informed choice.
     
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  4. DaBurg

    DaBurg Member

    Apr 18, 2019
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    I'd add that if you do take your child out of the team, get a hold of the club or league leaders and communicate why or ask to be placed on a different team. If you stay for the remainder of the season then there's a heart to heart that needs to go on with the coach. Just a simple, "Hey I noticed you really yelling at the girls out there." Just make it known that people are noticing. Honestly I'd probably not chance it with my own son, but your circumstances may be different. I'd rather my child be team less than lose his love of the game.
     
  5. ppierce34

    ppierce34 Member

    Aug 29, 2016
    Fort Wayne, IN
    Our team manager who is very involved with the club is talking with her today. Several parents said something after this past weekend so its starting to bubble. My issue is that my daughter is arguably (not even arguably) the best player on the team and is getting screamed at and benched. Neither of us know why either so the screaming and antics are all for nothing since we dont even know what the issue is.
     
  6. VolklP19

    VolklP19 Member

    Jun 23, 2010
    Illinois
    #6 VolklP19, May 20, 2019
    Last edited: May 20, 2019
    So many parents out there allowing coaches to treat their kids way worse then they would ever think of for dreams of D1 college and playing pro.

    Tell the DOC she's out of hand, you would never let your kid around an adult like her ever! Then leave.
     
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  7. DaBurg

    DaBurg Member

    Apr 18, 2019
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    I'm very sorry to hear that. I'd advise to pull her out of that coach's games entirely until you know the issue is resolved. Maybe even attend a game or two to ensure it's fixed before bringing her back. At that age I can guarantee your daughter isn't doing anything worth being yelled at. It wasn't till I was high school age that I had coaches really yell at us. At that point we were mature enough to handle the excitement and able to process it. 10 year olds can't process that sort of feedback. It's entirely positive reinforcement unless the child is doing something disruptive or dangerous, in which case it's tread lightly and correct the behavior. This is all basic 101 level child psychology type stuff that's in all the training for that age group.
     
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  8. ppierce34

    ppierce34 Member

    Aug 29, 2016
    Fort Wayne, IN
    We just got to this club. We played for this coach 2 years ago and she was new and pretty decent. My friend who is team manager said she's gotten more vocal and gives this one girl a hard time but never mentioned she was psychotic.
     
  9. bigredfutbol

    bigredfutbol Moderator
    Staff Member

    Sep 5, 2000
    Woodbridge, VA
    Club:
    DC United
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Indeed. Nobody would support a teacher or a youth minister treating children the way youth coaches often do.

    I don't mind tough love from coaches when they're a bit older but there's no excuse to treat 9 year old kids like that.
     
  10. ppierce34

    ppierce34 Member

    Aug 29, 2016
    Fort Wayne, IN
    i dont know i think its so much more effective to talk to a kid one on one then scream at them while on the field. even for older kids. for the most part coaches scream because they are frustrated and think its the best way to correct whatever it is thats frustrating them. unless the behavior is disruptive or dangerous it is much more effective to pull the kid out and have a quick conversation.
     
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  11. pu.ma

    pu.ma Member

    Feb 8, 2018
    Sometimes a person has an interest in something and think they're pretty good at it until they see or find out there is a completely different level or standard to how it could be done. Feedback is good and the club needs to find resources for the coach to learn from. I dont believe it's been stated whether she is a paid or volunteer coach.
     
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  12. ppierce34

    ppierce34 Member

    Aug 29, 2016
    Fort Wayne, IN
    Paid coach. Manager had a long talk with her today that seems to have gone well. Defensive at first (to be expected) but i think good points were made and she will work on it.

    Good thing is we still have several spring games to go for parents to evaluate her and make sure we want to join in Fall.
     
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  13. DaBurg

    DaBurg Member

    Apr 18, 2019
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    That's always an embarrassing talk, to be able to take criticism and move forward. If she improves I'd say good on her. It's a life skill to be able to recognize you are wrong and improve. Hope to hear an update after some of your next games.
     
  14. ppierce34

    ppierce34 Member

    Aug 29, 2016
    Fort Wayne, IN
    She's young only 27 and played at a very high level in HS and College. i think sometimes its tough for players who were so good to make the transition to coaching. Typically the game came very easy to them and things were very intuitive. They struggle when they see mistakes made and get frustrated.
     
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  15. bigredfutbol

    bigredfutbol Moderator
    Staff Member

    Sep 5, 2000
    Woodbridge, VA
    Club:
    DC United
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    If she shows improvement over the end of the Spring and IF the kids enjoy practices with her, it MIGHT be worth giving her a chance next year.

    I didn't realize how young she is. I totally agree with what you wrote here; she's still learning.
     
  16. Cantona's Eyebrow

    Dirty Leeds
    Togo
    Oct 8, 2018
    If she is screaming, she is not coaching. Take your daughter to someone who will coach effectively.
     
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  17. bigredfutbol

    bigredfutbol Moderator
    Staff Member

    Sep 5, 2000
    Woodbridge, VA
    Club:
    DC United
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Agreed--but as I said above, it seems she's young and perhaps with some good mentoring and constructive criticism she can get back on track.

    I'd certainly want to see immediate improvement, though.
     
  18. Cantona's Eyebrow

    Dirty Leeds
    Togo
    Oct 8, 2018
    I can think of a few reasons why you'd scream at a 10 year old, but none of them involve a football pitch.

    Possibly anger management might help this deranged woman, I'm not sure. Medication may help.
     
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  19. bigredfutbol

    bigredfutbol Moderator
    Staff Member

    Sep 5, 2000
    Woodbridge, VA
    Club:
    DC United
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    I don't disagree but given her youth and inexperience I just wonder if mentoring and whatnot might be worth the time.

    No excuse for treating children poorly, mind you.
     
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  20. ppierce34

    ppierce34 Member

    Aug 29, 2016
    Fort Wayne, IN
    Like i said lots of games left in Spring due to makeups and second half of state cup. I'm watching.......
     
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  21. pu.ma

    pu.ma Member

    Feb 8, 2018
    I would expect more from a paid coach. At the same time, it's important that we train and mentor our coaches no different than with players and refs. In best case scenario, I think the club should be involved to help the coach.
     
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  22. Beau Dure

    Beau Dure Member+

    May 31, 2000
    Vienna, VA
    Young paid coaches with no kids often have no clue about the difference between coaching a college team and coaching a youth team.

    Not that screaming is OK in college, either, but at least it's a little more understandable.
     
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  23. ppierce34

    ppierce34 Member

    Aug 29, 2016
    Fort Wayne, IN
    Update after first game coached post "talking to". Coach was MUCH better a totally diff't person. She seemed receptive to change when the manager spoke with her and she proved. Coincidentally the girls played VERY well. Shocking i know. She still is joysticking the hell out of them but one step at a time.
     
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  24. DaBurg

    DaBurg Member

    Apr 18, 2019
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    That's great news to hear! Joysticking is probably common in about 90% of the teams I see. It's so common that the parents of one of the teams I coach can't seem to understand why I kneel down on the touchline not saying much even when they're failing. I'll make adjustments as needed, but usually let the kids go. This leads to some parents trying to run up and down the sidelines, directing their kids. Inevitably the team talk follows and we're good for a game or two, then it starts back up.

    Hope your season works out well now. God knows I've made some mistakes in my coaching 'career', only to find out later that I should be doing things another way.
     
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  25. ppierce34

    ppierce34 Member

    Aug 29, 2016
    Fort Wayne, IN
    Not to sound like a di*k but my daughter is an excellent decision maker and excellent passer. She doesnt need the coach telling who, what, when and where to distribute the ball to and only gets confused by the constant directions. I will look for a way to diplomatically tell the coach to let her make her own decisions. But like i said one thing at a time.
     

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