You've got old people...we all have old people: Dealing with our Parents.

Discussion in 'Politics & Current Events' started by soccernutter, Sep 8, 2022.

  1. soccernutter

    soccernutter Moderator
    Staff Member

    Tottenham Hotspur
    Aug 22, 2001
    Near the mountains.
    Club:
    Tottenham Hotspur FC
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Yup, this is very much my mom, and to a lesser degree it was my dad.
    Dad, being an engineer, was a bit more practical in buying, so he had less to keep around. Mostly it was tools for when he decided he want to make or fix something. And, of course, his train hobby, model and pictures of real trains.
    Mom is not so practical, and for years I have been telling her to get rid of things she doesn't use.
    Mom: "Oh, I forgot about that. I might use it."
    Me: "Since you forgot about it, it wasn't important and should be trashed."
    Mom: "I'll think about it."
    Me: Turns around and roll my eyes.

    At least I mostly cleaned out the garage.

    Yeah, I got lucky with my dad, jumping in at a time that was almost too late, and in some regards was just a bit too late, mostly because he had already started down the dementia route and he was unable to make decisions. It was really hard not to be a director/dictator, but in some cases it was necessary.
    Mom is frustrating. She, as the oldest, had to deal with her parents and they did get everything done just in time (I mean, by like 6 months at the most, maybe less). But now that she is in the same position, she is dragging her feet on what needs to be done (POAs, DNRs, will, etc). She's going to move in with me, but I've told her she needs to get her paperwork done before she moves. And I have to be a dick about this because I'm not going through the same stress with her as I did with dad.
     
  2. soccernutter

    soccernutter Moderator
    Staff Member

    Tottenham Hotspur
    Aug 22, 2001
    Near the mountains.
    Club:
    Tottenham Hotspur FC
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    #177 soccernutter, Dec 7, 2023
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2023
    I was passive-aggressive with dad. He got stopped by a highway trooper, and the trooper was concerned enough he called me. We had a discussion and the trooper just put in a required vision test (which I knew dad would either not take because it was a barrier, or fail) and that stopped dad driving. Unfortunately, he also stopped the car payments and the car got repoed. Oh, the decisions...

    When I told my dad what I did, I told him it was about safety. Both for himself and for others. I used his situation about being in the beginning stages of dementia and how that effects processing time. So by the time he sees a kid in front of him, and processed the need to step on the break, it would be too late. Took a few months to get that in his head concretely, but it worked. I'm going to use the same, or similar, method with my mom when it comes time.

    That's not true. My mom is almost 80, and I don't have a problem riding in a car with her at night. The issue is she still drives aggressively. Mind, I'm monitoring, but most people at the age of 60 are fine to drive at night.
     
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  3. BocaFan

    BocaFan Member+

    Aug 18, 2003
    Queens, NY
    Maybe I over-generalized, but statistically driving at night is ~10 times deadlier than day driving (another reason why not staying on daylight savings time year-round is just dumb), so if you are already way past your peak in driving you probably don't need any additional challenges.
     
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  4. soccernutter

    soccernutter Moderator
    Staff Member

    Tottenham Hotspur
    Aug 22, 2001
    Near the mountains.
    Club:
    Tottenham Hotspur FC
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    That seems more reasonable, and not something I disagree with. I'm assuming, though, that is for all ages, not just those over 60, yes?
     
  5. dark knight

    dark knight Super Moderator
    Staff Member

    Dec 15, 1999
    Club:
    Leicester City FC
    That's pretty intense - I'd probably disable a car (without saying) before I'd do that. :) Driving is such a symbol of freedom and independence - sometimes just leaving the car (without the keys) can at least allow the illusion of independence.

    But it's all so individual - it's hard to convey to someone that you stop driving while you are still able - not when you no longer can. I would feel better if the vehicle is newer - with lots of safety features like breaking before backing over someone.
     
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  6. BocaFan

    BocaFan Member+

    Aug 18, 2003
    Queens, NY
    Yeah, I guess this will be resolved in 10-20 years as the auto pilot option will probably be a regular feature in vehicles before too long. Maybe even a feature that will be subsidized by the gov't and/or insurance companies for people over 75.

    Yes, for all ages.
     
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  7. luftmensch

    luftmensch Member+

    .
    United States
    May 4, 2006
    Petaluma
    Club:
    Los Angeles Galaxy
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    If it doesn’t get light until 8 am or later you’ll have the same issues.
     
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  8. BocaFan

    BocaFan Member+

    Aug 18, 2003
    Queens, NY
    But aren't there more people on the roads at 5:00p than 7:30a? Especially post-COVID. And especially on weekends (even in NYC the roads are basically empty at 7:30a on Saturday - the daylight is just going to waste).
     
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  9. luftmensch

    luftmensch Member+

    .
    United States
    May 4, 2006
    Petaluma
    Club:
    Los Angeles Galaxy
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Saturday isn’t the issue, during the week the morning commute is just as packed as the evening commute, plus add to that people taking their kids to school (or kids walking to school in the dark)

    Also the idea that we should move our entire system of time out of sync with the actual cycles of the earth just because we don’t want to get up early is kind of insane.
     
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  10. roby

    roby Member+

    SIRLOIN SALOON FC, PITTSFIELD MA
    Feb 27, 2005
    So Cal
    upload_2023-12-7_16-1-41.png

    Bwahahahaha!!!! I just passed the Driver's Laws Test today allowing for another 4 yrs. :ninja:
     
  11. soccernutter

    soccernutter Moderator
    Staff Member

    Tottenham Hotspur
    Aug 22, 2001
    Near the mountains.
    Club:
    Tottenham Hotspur FC
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    IIRC, there are more people living in the part of the time zone where an earlier rise of the sun would be better. Besides that, not only kids and morning darkness, but students who live where the sun sets earlier are more likely to get better sleep, and thus do better in school.
     
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  12. raza_rebel

    raza_rebel Member+

    Dec 11, 2000
    Club:
    Univ de Chile
    This is an issue with my MIL. Raised by parents who were born and raised during the Depression, she was taught to hold onto things, for fear of needing it later and having thrown it away. So there are multitudes of hex keys, washers, vestigal screws from an Ikea shelf, etc.

    There is also the issue of holding onto random things in the off chance of using it later in life. For example, buying a sewing kit on the off chance one of her grandkids shows an interest, or a bike with training wheels for her grandkid....while daughter is in her 2nd trimester. o_Oo_Oo_O
     
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  13. soccernutter

    soccernutter Moderator
    Staff Member

    Tottenham Hotspur
    Aug 22, 2001
    Near the mountains.
    Club:
    Tottenham Hotspur FC
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    You mean I can throw those things away? But what if I get an Ikea bookcase or dresser 4 years from now? ;)
     
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  14. Val1

    Val1 Member+

    Arsenal
    Mar 12, 2004
    MD's Eastern Shore
    Club:
    Arsenal FC
    My folks have a lot of stuff, problem for me is that it is seriously good stuff. They have museum quality art and rugs, and three antique pieces of furniture. And my dad has 15 antique clocks. And I am.seriously downwards mobile from my folks. I don't have a house that is worthy of their stuff.

    My dad had recently acquired a passion for his "legacy" and as a kid who was seriously starved during the Depression, he feels his legacy is this art. My brother is estranged, so I'm so supposed to keep all this. My son and daughter want a couple pieces, but apparently I didn't raise them right as they are bigger slobs than I. I'd have to lose a.bookshelf or two and my family picture wall just to take in the bare minimum. And I'd have st start locking my house. I told my folks if they wanted me to conserve their stuff, they'd have to buy me a new house. That shut them up for a while...
     
  15. soccernutter

    soccernutter Moderator
    Staff Member

    Tottenham Hotspur
    Aug 22, 2001
    Near the mountains.
    Club:
    Tottenham Hotspur FC
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    If you can afford it, get a climate controlled storage unit. I almost did that for a lot of my dad's stuff, but was able to donate enough that it wasn't worth it.
     
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  16. luftmensch

    luftmensch Member+

    .
    United States
    May 4, 2006
    Petaluma
    Club:
    Los Angeles Galaxy
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    We’re probably gonna have to rent a storage units when my in-laws move to assisted living. After they pass we’ll likely be able to afford a place where we can hold all their nice stuff, but in the meantime there’s no way.

    Edit: what soccernutter said.
     
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  17. BocaFan

    BocaFan Member+

    Aug 18, 2003
    Queens, NY
    Yeah, but only the first part of the morning rush would be in the dark, and only for one portion of the year.

    meh. Does it matter? It exists and is unavoidable anyway. For e.g. Sevilla is six timezones ahead of Boston, but based on the rate of spin of the Earth it should only be 4 hours ahead (or 4hr 15min to be precise). :geek:
     
  18. song219

    song219 BigSoccer Supporter

    Apr 5, 2004
    La Norte
    Club:
    DC United
    Nat'l Team:
    Vanuatu
    This is the majority reaction to those who were raised during the depression and they were of a social class where it affected them. I've also seen the other reaction where people do none of these things because it reminds them of a poverty that they want to put behind them and forget. A sort of "I'll never be hungry again" sort of reaction.
     
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  19. BocaFan

    BocaFan Member+

    Aug 18, 2003
    Queens, NY
    I don't get how the sun setting at 4:30p instead of 5:30p impacts ones ability to get to sleep(?)

    Or maybe you are talking about the consequences of daylight savings time in the summer? (But then if you didn't have daylight savings time, the sun would rise at 4:00a in summer which no doubt wouldn't benefit sleep much).
     
  20. Chesco United

    Chesco United Member+

    DC United
    Jun 24, 2001
    Chester County, PA
    Club:
    DC United
    Nat'l Team:
    Argentina
    For me, less time to walk.
     
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  21. soccernutter

    soccernutter Moderator
    Staff Member

    Tottenham Hotspur
    Aug 22, 2001
    Near the mountains.
    Club:
    Tottenham Hotspur FC
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    You are toward the eastern edge of your timezone. The people in Pittsburgh or Cleveland or Detroit or Atlanta will see the sun rise later. For example, tomorrow (Saturday, Dec 9), the sun will rise 41 minutes later in Detroit than NYC.

    Beyond that, I wasn't sure which was better, standard time or daylight savings time. It is standard time.

    https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2022/03/daylight-saving-time-bad-teenagers/627095/
     
  22. Cascarino's Pizzeria

    Apr 29, 2001
    New Jersey, USA
    We have to get rid of the deep state!
     
  23. Cascarino's Pizzeria

    Apr 29, 2001
    New Jersey, USA
    Child of depression-era parents. Like my dad, I squirrel away every nut and bolt and I have to say that I use many of them on future projects. Have a junk drawer too. Save most scraps of wood and used them to build a leaf slide for leaf cleanup this fall. Over the fence & into the patch of woods behind the backyard. I aint using 30-40 paper bags to put out in the street like the town wants. :D
     
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  24. roby

    roby Member+

    SIRLOIN SALOON FC, PITTSFIELD MA
    Feb 27, 2005
    So Cal
    Me too! As a tech rep I cannibalized components off pc boards and nuts, bolts and washers for the mechanical stuff. When I was in Vermont on the Canadian border there were no Radio Shacks or Ace Hardware stores available. Paper clips, duck tape, and WD-40 were always kept handy. :thumbsup:
     
  25. Cascarino's Pizzeria

    Apr 29, 2001
    New Jersey, USA
    Don't wanna know what you were doing with the WD-40 :eek:
     

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