When to refuse a game?

At that age level they are lucky to have a referee. Conflicts of interest aren't really an issue until the competitive level. And, for what it is worth, when you've been refereeing in the same area for 10 years you tend to be familiar with most of the coaches anyway and certainly have your likes and dislikes about them. Personally I don't think knowing a coach is a conflict of interest unless you are related or very good friends. The brother of a husband of a sister of a cousin twice removed whose dogs once met in a dog park relationship happens all the time

 

So very true. Do the game and keep smiling.

As I ref more and more OTH games I find former teammates and opponents on the rosters of many teams.

Today a player showed up at half-time (former teammate that I hadn't seen in five years or so). I have to wonder what the other team thought when his "ID check" involved a hand shake and hug.

It's the coaches and players that I've had disagreements with that cause me concern. Putting past disagreements in the past can be difficult.

 

I wouldn't worry about this potential conflict of interest. At the rec level, you'll probably have more games where you DON'T have conflicts than those games where you do. People will understand, especially if you live in a smaller town where people seem to know everyone.

(Humorous aside) If I didn't referee games in my town where I had a conflict of interest, then I'd hardly ever referee. I've refereed games involving my boss, fellow referees, teammates who are coaching kids' teams, kids of co-workers, games involving friends, etc. There are times when it's nice to referee out of town because the conflicts are out the window.

 

The problem is a U8 coach getting livid over ANYTHING short of kids getting hurt.

At U8-Rec you are basically protecting kids, that's it. We use U10Rec to train new refs, it doesn't come easier than this. U8, the coaches are on the field with the kids in our town.

 

In theory, one should be able to officiate any game. Still, reality has a way of ruining some great theories.

While I often ref games for coaches that I have known from years around the league, I have to say that not everyone can do this. If you have a tenuous relationship with your boss or you feel that you would be unduly influenced in your decision making, then you need to decide if you can do that game and be as fair and impartial as necessary.

Your objectivity can be helped by treating the coaches as "Coach Smith" or "Coach Jones," and not as Tom, Dick or Harry. If the coach calls you by first name, ask that the coach simply address you as "Ref" before, during and after the game.

I recently did a highschool state tournament game where I recognized one of the fans as a friend from work whom I had not seen for a few years. I felt that I needed to keep things formal and not talk to him during or after the match. I did get in touch with him later and explained why I had to act that way.

Keep in mind that so much of our ability to control a match is built on image and people's perception of us.

Have fun on the pitch.

 

As others have said, at the U8 to U10 rec level, I wouldn't refuse a game at all. At U12 to U14 rec - only if my kid was playing.

To expand a little further...

At the travel level or higher (at any age), I wouldn't work a game with a kid involved. At the high school or college level, I wouldn't work a game involving the team where my son graduated until he's been gone 4 years. Likewise, college -- not games where he plays until 4 years after he's gone -- and maybe not even then. Depends upon the dynamic with the coach, etc.

If you're under 30, I'd say take no games where you graduated from high school -- particularly if the coach that coached you is still there. As far as college goes, I wouldn't take a game where I graduated from college if I played there.

 

In our league, refs are not allowed to do games in the same travel flight that their kid plays in. Even if your kid is not playing, the game could effect the standings, so it seems like a good idea to me.

I recall a rec league game in our town (red vs. blue) where the ref's team (he was a coach in the league also) was battling the red for first place and this game was crucial. It was a serious error to assign the ref to the game, because his impartiality was called into question and things got ugly. So even if your kid isn't playing, you could have a conflict under the right (wrong?) circumstances that should make you bow out.

 

Another humorous story... I was AR on a friendly where I knew a lot of the folks. I flagged an offside and the team manager/assistant coach yelled out to me to inquire who it was.

I said, "It was Melissa."

The opposing coach expressed a (mostly, I think) pretend angst, "Aaaggghh! At least use her number!"

Not bad advice.

 

Sometime last century when my daughter was playing U14 there was a match between the top two teams which would have bearing on the standings. No ref. To the best of my knowledge I was the only certified referee in attendance. I refused the game.

A parent from the opposing team offered to stand in and things went OK. He clearly bent over backwards giving my daughter's team the benefit of the doubt in order to prove how impartial he was. That's exactly the reason that I refused the match. I am frequently more critical of the team with which I am affiliated to prove that I am "fair".

 

You must have a plethora of available refs if you have enough to make that distinction and still get a crew of three for most of the games

 

Most Northern NJ leagues only use a CR, no 3 man crews. For u-14 boys it gets tough.

Also, the major leagues have half a dozen flights at every age group, so even if you have 3 kids that is only 3 flights out of 80 that you don't do.

 

Two games I wouldn't take from now on: (1) any "parks 'n' rec" tournament match played in my county. They seem to be a magnet for every redneck in a 100 mile radius, and the coaches get the kids spun up like they were playing for the world cup, which spoils the game for the players, and nobody goes home happy. (2) Any middle school match in my county. Two man system sucks.
I don't need the aggrevation.

 

A similar note. My brother coached girls for years as his grew up. Then he took up officiating. At one of the matches a number of former players were on one of the teams. Although the opposing side would not have heard them call him "coach" during the inspection, they couldn't have missed the hugs they gave him.

 

I think it comes down to what you feel you can do and still remain unbiased. Last year, there was a rec team with a bunch of the girls that played soccer at my school (one of which I was dating at the time.) I made it clear to them beforehand to refer to me as "ref" and all that, and everything went fine. Had I not reffed their games, most of them would have been without full crews, so the assignor put me on them.