Heh heh. Kick 'em when they're down. Q: What do you say to a West Ham supporter with a good looking bird on his arm? A: Nice tattoo. Q) What is the difference between a hedgehog and a busload of West Ham fans? A) On a hedgehog all the pricks are on the outside !! Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps? A: Well, they had photos of West Ham players on them - folks couldn't figure out which side to spit on. A man desperate at West Ham current situation decides to top himself. In his living room, alone, he prepares to hang himself. At the very last moment, he decides upon wearing his full West Ham kit as his last statement. A neighbour, catching sight of the impending incident, informs the police. On arrival, the police quickly remove the West Ham kit and dress the man in stockings and suspenders. The man, totally confused asks why. The policeman simply replies, "it's to avoid embarrassing your family." Q: What do you call a West Ham fan with lots of girlfriends? A: A Shepherd Q: What's the difference between a West Ham fan and a trampoline? A: You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline. I was talking to the West Ham groundsman and commenting on how green and lush the grass was He replied, "it should be with all the sh#t that plays on it!!" Q: How do you kill a West Ham fan when he's drinking? A: Slam the toilet seat on his head! Q: Why do West Ham supporters have Moustaches? A: So they can look like their Mothers. Q: What do West Ham fans use as birth control? A: Their personalities. Q: What do you call a West Ham fan with no arms and legs? A: Trustworthy. Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead West Ham fan? A: Skid marks in front of the dog. Q. Why do West Ham fans whistle whilst sitting on the toilet? A. So they know which end to wipe! Q: What do you call a West Ham fan in a 2 bedroomed Semi? A: A burglar Q: What do you get when you offer a West Ham fan a penny for his thoughts? A: Change! There's a rumour that West Ham have lined up a new sponsor - Tampax. The board thought it was an appropriate change as the club is going through a very bad period. An new Oxo Cube will be introduced early next year in tribute to West Ham. It will be called "Laughing Stock". The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out "West Ham are good enough to win the European Cup." Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!" A burglary was recently committed at West Ham ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a dusty carpet. A policeman caught a fan climbing the wall of the West Ham ground. He made him go back and watch the rest of the match Q. What's the difference between the West Ham keeper and a taxi driver? A. A taxi driver will only let in four at a time. Q: What have West Ham and a three pin plug got in common? A: Their both useless in Europe. Q: What's the difference between O J Simpson and West Ham ? A: OJ Simpson had some sort of a defence! Q: What's the difference between West Ham and a teabag? A: A tea bag stays in the cup longer!!!!! Q) What is the difference between West Ham and a lift ? A) It doesn't take a lift nine months to go down Q) What is the difference between Foot & Mouth and West Ham? A) Foot & Mouth got into Europe. Q: What is the difference between West Ham and a triangle? A: A triangle has three points. Someone asked me the other day, what time do West Ham kick off? About every ten minutes I replied. Q: What do you say to a West Ham supporter with a good looking bird on his arm? A: Nice tattoo. Q) What is the difference between a hedgehog and a busload of West Ham fans? A) On a hedgehog all the pricks are on the outside !! Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps? A: Well, they had photos of West Ham players on them - folk couldn't figure out which side to spit on. A man desperate at West Ham current situation decides to top himself. In his living room, alone, he prepares to hang himself. At the very last moment, he decides upon wearing his full West Ham kit as his last statement. A neighbour, catching sight of the impending incident, informs the police. On arrival, the police quickly remove the West Ham kit and dress the man in stockings and suspenders. The man, totally confused asks why. The policeman simply replies, "it's to avoid embarrassing your family." Q: What do you call a West Ham fan with lots of girlfriends? A: A Shepherd Q: What's the difference between a West Ham fan and a trampoline? A: You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline. I was talking to the West Ham groundsman and commenting on how green and lush the grass was He replied, "it should be with all the sh#t that plays on it!!" Q: How do you kill a West Ham fan when he's drinking? A: Slam the toilet seat on his head! Q: Why do West Ham supporters have Moustaches? A: So they can look like their Mothers. Q: What do West Ham fans use as birth control? A: Their personalities. Q: What do you call a West Ham fan with no arms and legs? A: Trustworthy. Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead West Ham fan? A: Skid marks in front of the dog. Q. Why do West Ham fans whistle whilst sitting on the toilet? A. So they know which end to wipe! Q: What do you call a West Ham fan in a 2 bedroomed Semi? A: A burglar Q: What do you get when you offer a West Ham fan a penny for his thoughts? A: Change! There's a rumour that West Ham have lined up a new sponsor - Tampax. The board thought it was an appropriate change as the club is going through a very bad period. An new Oxo Cube will be introduced early next year in tribute to West Ham. It will be called "Laughing Stock". The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out "West Ham are good enough to win the European Cup." Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!" A burglary was recently committed at West Ham ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a dusty carpet. A policeman caught a fan climbing the wall of the West Ham ground. He made him go back and watch the rest of the match Q. What's the difference between the West Ham keeper and a taxi driver? A. A taxi driver will only let in four at a time. Q: What have West Ham and a three pin plug got in common? A: Their both useless in Europe. Q: What's the difference between O J Simpson and West Ham ? A: OJ Simpson had some sort of a defence! Q: What's the difference between West Ham and a teabag? A: A tea bag stays in the cup longer!!!!! Q) What is the difference between West Ham and a lift ? A) It doesn't take a lift nine months to go down Q) What is the difference between Foot & Mouth and West Ham? A) Foot & Mouth got into Europe. Q: What is the difference between West Ham and a triangle? A: A triangle has three points. Someone asked me the other day, what time do West Ham kick off? About every ten minutes I replied. Glen Roeder was in a building society this lunchtime. It was very hot, and Roeder fainted. Fortunately, one of the assitants was able to bring him round. 'Where am I?' said the confused hammers boss. 'The Nationwide', answered the assistant. '**** me' exclaimed Glenn 'is it August already?' The Fire brigade phones Glenn Roeder in the early hours of Sunday morning... "Mr Roeder sir, Upton Park is on fire!" "The cups man! Save the cups!" cries Glenn . "Uh, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir." Apparently, Glenn Roeder offered to send the West Ham squad on an expenses paid holiday to Florida but they said they'd rather go to Blackpool so they could see what it's like to ride on an open-top bus. Glenn Roeder was caught speeding on his way to the West Ham Ground today. "I'll do anything for 3 points", he said when questioned. The West Ham Chairman is considering replacing Glenn Roeder with Steve Davis. Explaining this unusual move, he said "we don't just need points now, we need snookers!" A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet. British Rail have decided to start sponsoring West Ham. BR think they are a suitable team because of their regular points failures.
Funny....although you could switch out "Hammers" for any team in the Premiership....such is the nature of these jokes. There is probably a West Ham site out there with these exact same jokes that say "Yid" instead. I'd still rather be a Hammer any day, Premiership or Nationwide.