We all need a Dr. Joe Machnik in our lives. “The minivan had not yet begun its turn into the parking space from the opposite side. Therefore, the spot should go to the Chevy Malibu.” Or, “The will of the majority does not cancel out the civil rights of any minority or individual.” Or, “She doesn’t owe you anything just because you took her to Olive Garden.”
And finally, Briana Scurry made it in to the US Soccer Hall of Fame. She didn’t make it in by very much – the lowest non-runoff percentage in the modern voting era, thanks for asking – but she’ll have the party almost all to herself. Scurry will break ground as the first female goalkeeper in the Hall – which will probably lead to loud arguments in bars across the country over whether she was better than Mary Harvey.
I hope Scurry’s induction helps extinguish the myth that literally anybody could have played behind the 90’s US women’s national team. Not ANYBODY could have. There wasn’t much opposition back then, but what there was, was really damned good. In 1999, Scurry shut out Sun Wen and the Steel Roses. That’s the kind of accomplishment that gets one onto plaques.
Okay, Kristine Lilly helped.
….and fine, Scurry was off her line. It’s been nearly twenty years, we can all admit this now, Gao Hong jumped off her line a time or two as well. For penalty kicks, keepers should be chained to their line, because, penalty. It’s a punishment for a foul. For penalty kick shootouts, where no one is being punished except the dignity of the game? Cheat, baby, cheat. Scurry did nothing wrong. She’s a damn American hero.
[EDITED FOR EXTREME FRUSTRATING STUPIDITY - I CAN NEVER GET THE ELIGBILITY YEARS RIGHT, ROGER ALWAYS CORRECTS ME, HE DID IT AGAIN IN THE COMMENTS. I SUCK.]
And…I feel I should mention this, while I’m standing in front of a wildfire with an empty tank of gasoline and an “I’m Hot for Arson!” T-shirt. I’m shocked David Beckham didn’t get in. I honestly thought that someone would have pulled strings to make sure he would, even if the electorate held strong.
And I thought the electorate would fold like this was the Hall of Fame of Origami. The Scurry-skeptical, Milbrett-denying, xenophobes who apparently think DC United’s early success was down John Harkes carrying the team looked at the qualifications and said, “Not THIS shiny object, pal.” Or words to that effect.
I honestly did not believe that the Hall would be able to resist Beckham’s celebrity. But the voters said no, and the powers that be in Frisco and Chicago respected that decision. I can only think one of three things happened.
First option. Both voters and administrators have decided that integrity is going to be more valuable in the long term than celebrity. The fame in the Hall of Fame is conferred, not acknowledged. And it is meant to be perpetual, not ephemeral. What will our children see in a Hall that was compromised before it was even built?
And so on and so forth with that fairytale lollipop Disneyland crap. US soccer turning down a payday, huh. Not by the ghost of Freddy Adu, they don’t. What’s REALLY going on here?
Well, option two is that the place doesn’t actually open until towards the end of 2018. So, well, why not open it up with someone big? Especially not that Landon has postponed his coronation? Yeah, Abby Wambach is still pretty darn famous, even though she lost all of her endorsements after taking controlled substances as a private citizen. But her induction speech is going to be an incitement to the violent overthrow and murder of the US Soccer Federation, and really, is that the headline we want? Assuming David Beckham can be persuaded to ignore the indignity of not being a first-ballot consensus pick like a mere Brian McBride, of course, but when has Beckham ever been about putting his own brand first?
The answer is obvious. The reason the fix wasn’t in is because the fix IS in, just delayed.
There’s only one other possible explanation. The Hall of Fame electorate doesn’t just hate foreigners. They REALLY hate foreigners.
_________________
So there will be a challenger to the US/Canada/Mexico World Cup bid for 2026. And it’s Morocco. Morocco! Can you imagine? That would be…
That would be okay. Morocco has been bidding on this damned thing since before Satan had a beard. Unlike certain other hosts, they’re an actual country, not a boardroom of oil executives playing at being Enrico Dandolo. They have a Freedom in the World rating of “Partly Free,” unless you count Western Sahara. That’s still better than the next two hosts are doing right now, and really, what’s our rating going to be in 2026? Yeah, thought so.
And I assume the stadiums are actually going to be used if built. Looking at you, Amazonia. Looking at you, South Africa. A North African World Cup would also provide a nice little boost to the local economy (er, local being millions of square miles). I would hope that Mohammed VI (or whoever is reigning) won’t enslave too many people to build stadiums. I’ll settle for fewer than Qatar, not as many as the US/Canada/Mexico bid would.
On the other hand, the damned thing is going to be 48 countries strong in 2026. There’s a reason continents are bidding for the World Cup these days. Can you imagine if a tiny state were to be picked over a superpower?
Yeah, it’ll probably be hot in the neighborhood in the summer. We have a bid that will have summer afternoon games in Florida, Texas, and literally Mexico. Since Morocco is in Greenwich Football Time, they can kick off games in the evening. Remember the weather for the two Rose Bowl World Cups? That was Europe’s fault. (Well, not the 1999 World Cup, that was thinking women’s soccer wouldn’t get decent Sunday night viewing numbers. Same underlying motivation – TV ratings.)
Morocco would be a tolerable substitute for the US. It would be the third consecutive World Cup where LGBT rights are illegal, though.
Look, if you weren’t into serious moral compromises, why are you even watching World Cup soccer to begin with?
____________________
I didn't get tickets to the FC Cincinnati US Open Cup game, because this city has gone FC crazy. So I missed the biggest sellout since Lou Reed did Honda commercials. I hope you got a chance to watch the game, wherever you were - even on my phone that game was crazy fun. I think this Bradley Wright-Phillips kid has a future.
I can tell you that no one in the media market has the slightest doubt that the expansion announcement will be Cincinnati +1. I have heard horrible rumors from the outside world that Cincinnati can be considered somewhat provincial and out of touch.
So maybe I'm drinking the Hudepohl. But yeah, the expansion announcement should be Cincinnati +1. And if someone would simply tell Carl Lindner to build his own damn stadium and watch it fill up with money year after year instead of trying to play Third on a Match with the Hamilton County public teat...but perhaps my view is somewhat jaundiced. If I didn't want to pay my taxes to the Cincinnati Bengals, I probably could have moved somewhere else.
-
Dan Loney BigSoccer Supporter
US Soccer Hall of Fame: Super Scurry
By Dan Loney on Aug 18, 2017 at 3:42 PMThe Franchise repped this.
Comments
Discussion in 'Articles' started by Dan Loney, Aug 18, 2017.