United we stand: How to keep Liberals from seceding and breaking up the Union

Discussion in 'Elections' started by argentine soccer fan, Nov 8, 2004.

  1. argentine soccer fan

    Staff Member

    Jan 18, 2001
    San Francisco Bay Area
    Club:
    CA Boca Juniors
    Nat'l Team:
    Argentina
    The election is over and Liberals are unhappy. Their views have now evolved from the idea that President Bush is an imbecile chimp to the even more disturbing idea that the majority of Americans are imbecile chimps. Now they want to secede. You can see it in the columns of most prominent liberal newspapers and magazines, you can hear it from your liberal friends and neighbors, and of course, you can read it here, in this bastion of Liberalism called Big Soccer.

    So, how do we keep the Union together, without having to resort to another costly Civil War?

    The truth is, the Liberals want power, and the only thing that will make them happy is to have that power. Like the old English royalists and aristocrats, they know in their heart that they are better suited to rule the nation than the ignorant masses, so they deserve to rule. Once we accept this fact, we must also accept that the only way to keep the Union together is to give the liberals the power that they so covet.

    So, looking at the British model, I have come up with the following suggestions:

    1) Establish a House of Lords.

    The membership to this House will be for Life. Nobody could be thrown out regardless of how liberal they are. But, unlike the English model, nobody will be able to get into the American House of Lords based on birth. (after all, that would be un-American). There will be only two requirements to enter the American House of Lords. You must be a Liberal, and you must have lost at least one prominent election. Just think of all the worthy people who would be elegible. Carter, Mondale, Dukakis, Gore, Kerry, Daschle, to name a few. The potential for intelligent liberal debate and discourse will make even the most bitter Bush-hater want to give the United States of America another chance.

    2) Establish a Royal House.

    If the House of Lords is not enough to keep Liberals happy, this next step should do it. The obvious candidates (with all due respect to Kerry/Hynes) are the Kennedys. The House of Kennedy will rival the House of Windsor in the scandal sheets. And the fact that they are Catholic will help differenciate us from the British. Of course, America's first King will be none other than Teddy Kennedy. His name is even Kingly. Long live King Edward the First!

    In order to make this work, and keep the Liberals happy, we must give them all the trappings of power. They must have lots of people attending to them, they must have eager young interns willing to do their bidding, and they must be given prominent positions at all official functions. They must be allowed to be the face of America in the eyes of the world. Also, their ideas and debates, no matter how outlandish, must be given top coverage and approval by the elite media. (Which is already happening anyway). The only thing that they must not have is actual decision power. That should be left to the elected officials, like the president and the current congress.

    My guess is, the liberals won't mind, as long as these common officials bow to them at official functions, and as long as the elite media acknowledges that these elected officials are imbeciles and are to blame for all our problems. As long as the liberals are allowed to have everything else that power entails, they will happily turn their nose and look down at the rest of us from their position of power. And I think the rest of us will also be happy. Because, lets face it. Things would be dull around here if the blokes secede.
     
  2. IntheNet

    IntheNet New Member

    Nov 5, 2002
    Northern Virginia
    Club:
    Blackburn Rovers FC
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    RE: "United we stand..."

    You're right...D.C. United!

    On to victory!
     
  3. Dan Loney

    Dan Loney BigSoccer Supporter

    Mar 10, 2000
    Cincilluminati
    Club:
    Los Angeles Sol
    Nat'l Team:
    Philippines
    Very funny post. I hate to ruin it by pointing out the British model with a royal house of weak-chinned, inbred, thin-blooded dullards with bad teeth would be a lot more naturally found in red states.
     
  4. Coach_McGuirk

    Coach_McGuirk New Member

    Apr 30, 2002
    Between the Pipes
    Can we just have it where Loney secedes? ;)
     
  5. argentine soccer fan

    Staff Member

    Jan 18, 2001
    San Francisco Bay Area
    Club:
    CA Boca Juniors
    Nat'l Team:
    Argentina
    Good point. But give the Kennedys absolute power over their family affairs and in about a hundred years they will look just like the Windsors.

    :D
     
  6. argentine soccer fan

    Staff Member

    Jan 18, 2001
    San Francisco Bay Area
    Club:
    CA Boca Juniors
    Nat'l Team:
    Argentina
    Then who would be the court jester? :D
     
  7. Smiley321

    Smiley321 Member

    Apr 21, 2002
    Concord, Ca
    I hate to tell you this Loney, but that describes the locals at Hollywood and Vine. You can tell the tourists because they have teeth.
     
  8. Mel Brennan

    Mel Brennan PLANITARCHIS' BANE

    Paris Saint Germain
    United States
    Apr 8, 2002
    Baltimore
    Club:
    Paris Saint Germain FC
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Yours is funnier, and more economical. Like I should talk.
     
  9. argentine soccer fan

    Staff Member

    Jan 18, 2001
    San Francisco Bay Area
    Club:
    CA Boca Juniors
    Nat'l Team:
    Argentina
    Yes, but in Hollywood it is mostly caused by crack addiction rather than by inbreeding. Isn't it amazing how diverse methods can lead to the exact same results?
     
  10. stopper4

    stopper4 Member

    Jan 24, 2000
    Houston
    Club:
    FC Dallas
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Maybe we should step a Dual Monarchy like Sparta had back in the day. 2 royal families. The Bushs and the Kennedys.

    The Busch branch can concentrate on making statements on foreign policy and freedom that we all publicly nod at but ignore. The Kenndeys can do the same for domestic issues.

    Hopefully this could keep both wacko left and the religoius right away from decisions that actually matter.
     
  11. argentine soccer fan

    Staff Member

    Jan 18, 2001
    San Francisco Bay Area
    Club:
    CA Boca Juniors
    Nat'l Team:
    Argentina
    Excellent point. Why not outdo the brits and have two kings instead of one?

    On the other hand, I am not sure if Americans would tolerate two kings. It might foster division. Perhaps we could find a different but equally powerful (in form, not substance) position for the Bush family. When I think about it, why should it be that there is a Church of England but there is no such thing as a Church of America?

    Lets give the Bushes the power of the clergy. Let Texas be the site of the New Church of America, and George W. Bush be the first American Pope.

    So, lets hear it for his Majesty King Edward I, and for our Holy Father George Walker I. Together, but wisely separated by the constitutional division between church and state, these two worthy leaders will be the uniters who will build a bridge to the new and improved United States of America.
     
  12. flowergirl

    flowergirl Member+

    Aug 11, 2004
    panama city, FL
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States

    I realize it was a typo, but -- don't ever confuse that doofus with my Jon Buschie.. even in name. It just scares me. :eek:
     
  13. Dan Loney

    Dan Loney BigSoccer Supporter

    Mar 10, 2000
    Cincilluminati
    Club:
    Los Angeles Sol
    Nat'l Team:
    Philippines
    I'm a little surprised at yours and Smiley's expertise on Hollywood's teenage runaways and crack whores.
     
  14. Smiley321

    Smiley321 Member

    Apr 21, 2002
    Concord, Ca
    You can buy a $2 map to the crack whores at Graumann's Chinese Theater.
     
  15. Chicago1871

    Chicago1871 Member

    Apr 21, 2001
    Chicago
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Coach_McGuirk again.
     
  16. argentine soccer fan

    Staff Member

    Jan 18, 2001
    San Francisco Bay Area
    Club:
    CA Boca Juniors
    Nat'l Team:
    Argentina
    I don't know about Smiley, but when it comes to women I have a very strict lithmus test:

    No legal age, no teeth, no go.
     

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