My 14 YO son has played keeper for a Class III team for a couple of years now. As is often the case as kids reach middle and high school, the team has really fallen apart and has little in the way of a defense at this point. This is a concern for my son because he is the keeper. While taking a lot of shots could be a good thing in terms of building one kind of experience, he is not getting experience working with a cohesive defensive, with knowledgeable switching, teamwork, coverage, etc. He is a very athletic, quick, good keeper now with what knowledgeable folks have said is a lot of potential. So given the declining play, and the fact that most of his best friends on the team have left, he wants to try out for Class I (something that his keeper trainer tells us he should have done years ago). So Wednesday, he told his coach that he wants to start trying out for select teams. He didn't quite get it all out right, so I sent an email to the coach telling him how much we appreicate his time and instruction, but that my son wants to try for the next level. My son has not attended any tryouts yet. He told the coach that he will stay with the team through this season, unless the coach can find a satisfactory replacement. I reiterated that he will be there to play in the tournaments (again, unless the coach finds a good keeper). This seems to me to have been an up-front and honorable way to handle this, but the coach has not responded to my email, and is apparently angry - would not talk to or wave to me after practice. I know he is disappointed, because my son is the team captain and as such a central figure in the team (the coaches gave him a team ball last year, which they have never done, because of his leadership, tenacity, and improvement - they really want him to stay). Did we handle this improperly? My son will see the coach at practice tomorrow and I wanted to get some input on whether we have anything to apologize for. Thanks, BondOne
BondOne - you have been more than fair here. However, it probably would have been better to have tried out with another team first even before letting the current coach know your son's intentions. After all, what happens to your son if he doesn't make a more competitive team? It will be difficult to continue playing with his current team. There is no easy way to switch teams. Some coaches have tough egos and know that players will switch teams either to get better or because they want a different coaching philosophy. Other coaches want to hold on to their best players and get upset when they lose them - forgetting that the best player on a team will be held back technically by his teammates.
I thought about that, DoctorD, but it seemed deceptive (I admit I am probably reading way too much loyalty and morality into youth soccer). This way it seems like, if my son is up front with the coach, and the coach continues to be pleased with his performance, that if he does not make it at the next stage it won't be a big deal. As this is my first time through, I could be assuming that there will be harmony where there won't be. I appreciate the perspective, and I will think about that angle - thank you! BondOne
Not sure how your team and commitment works, but there must be a "start over" spot where the season technically ends and tryouts for the next season are held. This is the perfect place to make a break. Before this you are going back on your and your son's committment you implicitly made when you tried out and made the team. Depending on the league, it may not be possible to replace your son on the roster at this point. The league I coach in its a 1 year committment, a fall and spring season with optional indoor in the winter. We can make roster additions over the winter, but the rosters are frozen before the first game of both fall and spring. If a player did what your son is saying, leave the team mid-season, we would be stuck.
NHRef is absolutely correct. If BondOne's son tried out in 6/04 for his current team, and one month later is trying to change teams, that is not only unfair to his current coach and teammates, but probably illegal according to his state association.
This happens more often than not, coaches like to build a "team" and when the better players leaves there is the obvious disappointments, but coaches should be the "encouragement" in the growth of the player. If your son makes the National team the same coach will be crowing about how he trained him. An old coach watching a men's league game said to me, "I know I did a good job when I look out here and see so many players I coached still loving the game enough to be playing it as Adults". You did the right thing, you encouraged the development of your son. Now enjoy the tryout and hope your son enjoys the rest of his soccer playing years. Don't make a big deal out of the coach thing especially in front of your son. In six months the coach will be so far out of your lives it wouldn't be worth the aggravation. Quick question / thought what would the coach do if a better player turned up? Not pick them because your son played that position? Loyalty funny word
Excellent point, Grah. As far as clear-cut seasons and try-outs, around here (San Jose) many teams advertise for players all through the year - it doesn't seem well-defined (obviously it isn't clear to me when the "best" time is for a player to leave a team). My son's current team is still advertising for players and they have a tournament this week - they take players any time throughout the season. I get the impression that all that is needed is consent from both coaches and a 7-day waiting period, but that transfers can take place at any time. As it happens, my son tried out for a select team last week and was offered the keeper job. In the three weeks since he told his old coach that he was going to try out elsewhere, that coach has not advertised for another keeper (nor has he trained a backup keeper anytime in the last year). My son is going to notify the old coach tomorrow night that he wants to transfer. Here's hoping that all can be sporting about this. Thanks for the advice, BSers, I appreciate it. BondOne
Here's how it works in youth soccer. 50% of youth coaches are reasonable in this situation. They know that ultimately it's your life, plus they'd drop your kid in a heartbeat if they found a better player. The other 50% act like jerks. They whine, complain, act hurt, and/or punish the kid by not playing him. If you don't burn your bridge when leaving and your kid is a good player, 100% of the coaches will take him back should you ever decide to return to that club. OK, 99%.
soccer is competitive. you gotta do whats best for you you know. these coaches egos dont need to get in the way of what is important for your son
In PA there is a clear cut season and date when rosters must be submitted to the State office. Sounds like things are much different in your part of the country. My boys have had positive experiences, but the switch can be a stressful time. Good luck to all of you - it really is a family event.
Hey BondOne, what team does your son play for and what is he looking to try out for. I've been around the youth soccer select scene in the San Jose area.