I had an adult rec game the other day. One player was running down the field with his arms out in front of his body. An opponent kicks the ball, which strikes the player in the arm. I blow my whistle and call him for handling. He insists that it's not handling because the ball hit his arm; he didn't use his arm to control the ball. I try to explain that now making oneself bigger can contribute to the handling definition, but he will not listen. Finally, I say, "Well, don't blame me if you don't like it. Blame FIFA."
This thread hasn't seen action in a while. I had to go to the third screen to find it. AR1. HSB-V. Largest division, but not really good teams. Boys are playing patty fingers, hands in the back, hands on the shoulders, etc. Nothing that rises to the level of a foul, and they're ALL doing it. When it actually slows someone down or makes them lose the ball, the CR makes the call. Home coach is whinging about the holding, pushing, etc. I tell him "Coach, they're all doing it. It's the closest thing to sex they're going to get all day. Just let it go if it doesn't impact play."
This is completely inappropriate and ridiculous to say as a referee, let alone to a high school coach. If I was the coach I would report you to the assignor for saying this. I pray you are just making this up.
I know of two referees who got lengthy suspensions for saying less. This is bordering on a SafeSport violation.
Damn that is true. I hope for this guy's sake, no players or parents heard him and that the coach doesn't snitch.
While some of these saying are funny, we really do need to think about what we say, especially around younger players. I'll give an example from my own career. Several years ago, I had a high school dual game that was very physical with a lot of fouls. After one particularly nasty foul, I told the player, "If I see that again, I'm reaching in my pocket!" All I meant was that there would be a caution or a send-off. Like many people, I keep my yellow card in my right front shorts pocket and my red in my back right pocket. At half-time, my partner told me not to say that, especially at a high school or younger game, and just tell them that they could be cautioned. He said that he knew what I meant but that it could be misconstrued.
Geebus...I'm old enough to be everyone's Grandpa. I used to go to a lot of youth soccer matches up till a few yrs ago. I was at a match when a lady police officer came up and asked me why I was there. She said, "We can't be too careful"! I don't go anymore.
This comment is exactly why I don’t get “chummy” or friendly with players or coaches, or try my best to not to say anything “witty” or even try to be funny, don’t joke around, hardly even smile. Everything is spoken of in terms of refereeing and deliberately meant to keep myself professional because I don’t want anything that can ever be misconstrued or come back to me The most unprofessional I get is doing my solo adult rec matches where players try to yell complain about an offside call/no call and I just loudly start dictating players positions on the field and why I did/didn’t call it
It really doesn't matter what you were able to say 20 years ago, or 10 years ago, or even 5. You are refereeing today and you need to stick to conduct and language that is acceptable today. Don't shake your fist at the sky and blame it on "woke", or "me too", or "snowflakes", or any other culture buzzword. Enjoy yourself, be professional, and deal with it. If you want to use humor in your refereeing, particularly if you are working with youth, realize that you are not in a comedy club and that there are things you just should not say and do. Anyone who ignores that reality has no one to blame than themselves when it comes back to bite them in the backside.
You can smile while still being professional. It's called personality. I would hate if my referees never smiled or looked like they weren't dragged out to be there. Yikes....
To be completely fair, you don't have to be a total "grouch" (please don't think I think you are doing that - I'm just using that general term). My general personality is one where I can talk with players on the field. I smile, compliment players, and can even joke and take a joke. I just take a lesson from a previous job where I was in a more public setting. I just always considered whether my next words would be fine on the front page of the local paper or as the lead story on the local newscast. If I had any doubt about that, I wouldn't say it. That's served me very well over the years, and I'm still able to communicate and relate to players on the field.
Not d Not doubling down, but I do think the criticism is downright weird. A quiet word with the coach that keeps him from trying to chew on the CR gets twisted into a Safesport violation? It reminds me of the refs we hear that think a "Drat" directed at nobody over a mishit ball is grounds for a red card for Foul and Abusive Language. Sheesh.
My big problem was that I used to be chummy and it backfired, not that I would say inappropriate things but I just didn’t like the relationship it felt players/coaches could have with me, and especially bad visuals if I knew a coach more and talked to him more. Now I just try to be serious and don’t really joke around or have conversations with people to keep a neutral air about things. It’s not “just a quiet word with the coach about dissent” that caused our reaction, it’s the extremely weird and creepy analogy you used. Why are you comparing any players let alone high school kids having their hands on the back to having sex. Could have easily just said “coach, hands on the back aren’t a foul”. It’s extremely weird.
safesport violation may be a bit of an exaggeration, but I would agree it was not an appropriate comment at a youth event. And HS is still youth. If only the coach hears it, and it’s the right coach, probably not going to be an issue. But if it’s the wrong coach, it’s going to be an issue. And if the wrong player hear’s it and tells mom or dad about it, that could be a big problem, too. Especially keeping in mind that when repeated, stories grow. Why would any ref want to start down such a potential mess just to throw out an overly cutesy one-liner?
Not at all the same. If you can't see how talking (even in jest) to another coach about underage kids having sex is wrong (especially in this day and age), I can't help ya. I know you were trying to be funny, but you need to recalibrate imo.
Last night, I had a college DIII game. At the end of the game, one team is attacking when the clock goes off to signal the end of the game. I blow my whistle also, and the attacking player with the ball says, "Come on, you can add a minute to the game." I respond, "With this college soccer. The time on the clock is the time is the time left in the game. Don't blame me; blame the NCAA."
Junior College scrimmage. Because it's a scrimmage, the teams asked to play three 30-minute periods and we rotated who was in the center. We tried to avoid giving cards because it was a scrimmage. During my turn as the center, green committed a nasty foul at the halfway line. I go over to talk to him and say, "Hey, this is a scrimmage. We don't want to see anyone get hurt before the season actually starts." He looks at me and in a foreign accent says, "I don't know what you're talking about I just play football." I respond, "Well that wasn't football. Heck, that wasn't even American football. Don't do it again!"
Seriously, just give cards. You know how many refs don’t give cards and just give warnings? Players respect cards. Unless you are an elite ref in a big game where cards are expected to be limited…just give the cards.