Ok guys this weekend is the London Derby between the blues of Chavscum and the what do you call that color Arse is wearing these days.... As United supporters what do we hope happens besides a mysterious earthquake swallowing up both squads..... I know we should hope for a draw so no one gets max points but I can't help but hope the Gooners destroy the Scum sending them on a downward spiral for the season..... I want to see MoronHo's face during a losing campaign after spending 100's of millions of Amabigrussianbitch's money.... I know this post is rambling but so be it..... What do you guys think?????
Re: The Man U Forum: ArseAnal Chavscum Match Thread Chelsea are boring and Arsenal full of fairies. Who gives a f***. I guess a draw would be best for us, or failing that an Arsenal win.
Re: The Man U Forum: ArseAnal Chavscum Match Thread Arse's color is actually the color of feces mixed with blood. Draw your own conclusions. As for the result, I hope the Arse wins because they're the lesser threat and because Jose needs a serving of humble pie.
Re: The Man U Forum: ArseAnal Chavscum Match Thread At this stage, a draw is best for us but the best thing would be a handful of red cards and several missed penalties with a bench clearing brawl that ends up with fines for both clubs and suspensions with gag orders for Maureen and Assene to the tune of 2 months... yup, that about covers it.
Re: The Man U Forum: ArseAnal Chavscum Match Thread Its way too early in the season to be discussing who is the lesser threat. On paper its Arsenal, but this is football, anything can happen.
Re: The Man U Forum: ArseAnal Chavscum Match Thread yes, and Chelsea always suck and can't win the prem... hmmmm..
Re: The Man U Forum: ArseAnal Chavscum Match Thread Johno, if you're going to inject logic into this discussion then I'm taking my ball and going home. The truth is that I just want to see Chelsea lose.
Re: The Man U Forum: ArseAnal Chavscum Match Thread Yeah...before they were purchased by a foreign billionaire and spent £300m on their (tedious and overpriced) team. Unless something drastic has happened at Arsenal that I missed you know what your getting with them. Whether we beat them or not I fancy our chances much more against Arsenal than Chelsea.
Re: The Man U Forum: ArseAnal Chavscum Match Thread I wouldn't mind seeing Essien go out with a season ending injury.... And Dogbra get kicked in the vagina by Reyes who would then roll over and cry he was fouled..... But thats just me.......
Re: The Man U Forum: ArseAnal Chavscum Match Thread i suppose hoping for fire and brimstone to fall from the sky is out of the question. let them draw. i really dont like seeing either team put one in the win column. let them draw and we'll take care of our business against aston villa.
Re: The Man U Forum: ArseAnal Chavscum Match Thread One possible match outcome: 1st minute: Jose Mourinho, drunk off a combination of his own existence and a fine cabernet sauvignon (or three) that he has just enjoyed with his hero/rival/buddy/Scrabble partner SAF, runs onto the pitch with his nine-day beard, exclaiming to the world that his team's dominant win over Wigan has proven him the most special. In doing so, he decides to immediately bench both Crespo and Drogba. Unfortunately they both fall down multiple times on their way to the bench, delaying the run of play for a good five or six minutes. During this break in play, Mourinho instructs the outspoken Carvalho to "shhhh", resulting in Jose being sent off by the officials. 9th minute: Peter Kenyon, having eaten his twelfth aborted fetus of the afternoon, decides to use his newfound superpowers to tap up none other than Jose Antonio Reyes. Lame attempts to speak Spanish and convince Reyes that he is from Real Madrid, however, fail when it is discovered that Kenyon took Spanish lessons from David Beckham, resulting in him only being able to refer to Reyes as a "son of a bitch" in Spanish. Reyes' attempts at "simulation" after such an insult go unfounded. 19th minute: Dennis Bergkamp, making sure to avoid the airline industry as much as possible by retiring before Arsenal can move into the Emirates Stadium, hides under the still-convulsing body of Reyes as Roman's private 747 swoops in over Stamford Bridge. Needing a top-class striker, Abramovich offers Wenger £276m for the corpse-like Reyes, but Arsene scuttles the deal by claiming not to have seen the airliner. 26th minute: While John Terry is temporarily distracted, seeking hair care advice from Arjen Robben who has picked himself up for long enough to sit on the bench, Thierry Henry unleashes a powerful "va va voom", having made the initial save with his own feet while Jens Lehmann was busy choking Lauren and Cygan for, well, being Lauren and Cygan. He "va va voom"s his way past Frank Lampard, who is stuck wondering what he can do to thin his hair out to the level of Terry, then "va va voom"s by Shaun Wright-Phillips, who, due to years of early training, is unable to do anything to the Arsenal striker but say "I love me paps, really I do!" The final "va va voom" is when Henry plays a 1-2 with the huddled mass that is Reyes and shoots past the helpless Peter Cech, distracted by the force of gravity from Terry's brand new Rio-style fro. Chelsea 0-1 Arsenal 40th minute: Lampard decides to take matters into his own hands, having seen Damien Duff go off with a compound tibia fracture after attempting to tie his shoe. Super Frankie creates a through-ball straight to none other than the prolific Didier Drogba, who shoots meekly straight at Lehmann. Every member of the crowd holds their breath. Does the ball have enough velocity to reach the goal line? Can a member of the Arsenal backline bravely place himself between the ball and the goal in a valiant attempt to change its direction? In order to decrease the chances of this, Kenyon brashly throws aside his aborted fetus, spilling fava beans all over his 900-degree suite, and runs down to tap up Ashley Cole. Cole, tempted by the lure of receiving a dismembered Russian family for Christmas, agrees to a deal with Chelsea. However, Wenger claims to not see the deal being signed, leaving FIFA with no choice but to invalidate the deal after a brief eight-month discussion period. In the meantime, while Lehmann chokes Phillippe Senderos for not giving his gold back to his family, the referee blows for halftime before the ball can fully get into the 18-yard-box. HT Chelsea 0-1 Arsenal 46th minute: Being displeased with his team's performance more than he can remember since the last Chelsea game, Abramovich decides to buy Shevchenko, Adriano, Gilardino, Eto'o, Real Madrid, the entire French league, and the continent of northern Africa, boosting Chelsea's squad depth from an Everton-like 87 players to a more flexible 700 million. Eidur Gudjohnsen, as per his agreement with the devil, continues to play in the Chelsea squad. 51st minute: Believing the hype, Cesc Fabregas decides that he is, in fact, better than Roy Keane and unleashes a bone-crunching tackle on Claude Makalele. In order, however, to truly replicate the Roy Keane experience, Fabregas decides to publish his own autobiography, "The Joy of Cesc", in which he details his decision to take down the highly French Makalele. The FA bans Fabregas for ten games, which is then mysteriously reduced to three games, which is then mysteriously reduced to having to watch an interview with Jose Mourinho. Sorry, where I said "reduced", I meant "upped". 57th minute: Now it is Drogba who decides to take matters into his own hands, quite literally, taking the ball from the safe hands of Peter Cech into his own arms. The referee decides to award a penalty to Arsenal, despite Abramovich and Kenyon attempting to bribe him with money, dead babies, and bullet-ridden bodies of other referees who dared to make calls against Chelsea. Henry has run out of "va va voom" due to escalating gas prices, so the choice falls to either Robert Pires or Freddie Ljungberg. The former has become enraged with jealousy at the "simulation" attempts of Crespo and Robben, while the latter is unable to stand up due to the copious amounts of oil in which he has bathed himself for his latest photo shoot. The kick instead will be taken by the newly-introduced Robin van Persie, who must move quickly as police officers enter at the other end of the pitch, ready to return van Persie to his holding cell. In fine Dutch form, van Persie shoots the penalty kick nowhere near the goal, and it quickly ends up on the foot of Lehmann at the other end. 66th minute: After cursing at the ball for several minutes, Lehmann himself begins advancing down the pitch, sustained by the thoughts of being able to beat Oliver Kahn at something. Though Lampard and Gudjohnsen call for the ball, and Drogba runs in a circle to make himself dizzy, Lehmann is a focused man at the moment, with a singular vision. He weaves by seemingly every man on the pitch, enraged with passion, finally closing in on goal. There can be only one result now as Lehmann beats the final man and blasts an unstoppable shot into the corner of his own net. Chelsea 1-1 Arsenal 73rd minute: Having "received" clearance from FIFA and the FA, Abramovich is now able to return Mourinho to the pitch as well as subbing in Ronaldo, Shevchenko, and Eto'o without actually subbing anyone out. The Arsenal players complain of blatant bias, but Wenger is unable to see any of it and the game continues. With so many players on the pitch, Arsenal can only resort to obvious fouling, moreso than previously. With the game slowed to a pace more suitable for a midtable match, Steven Gerrard announces his intentions to sign for Chelsea. 80th minute: With random starving African children subbing on and off almost constantly, fresh legs do not become an issue for Chelsea. Though Wenger attempts to sign one or two of them, the children must reneg when Kenyon attempts to eat them. The children claim that "some people" told them to sign only for Chelsea. Sepp Blatter is too busy trying to get Ljungberg to wear tight clothing to address the situation. 85th minute: The game becomes absolutely Nevillicious as Steven Gerrard is introduced for Chelsea. However he changes his mind and goes back to Liverpool. Now, only the grit and determination of Frank Lampard can save Chelsea. His pass is dummied by African child #374689116 and received by African child #278767664, er, Didier Drogba. Drogba shoots, but the ball ends up not quite being able to find the Arsenal half. Rest assured, Chelsea have a solution up their sleeves--John Obi Mikel, cloned from the original Obi, after Kenyon ate his foot and Gudjohnsen proved his usefulness by cleaning up the spittle in order to obtain Obi DNA. The clone knows no such thing as loyalty, making him the perfect Chelsea player. A shudder comes over Wenger, until he is relieved at realizing he didn't see the clone. 88th minute: Obi Mikel II is a revelation, avoiding the Arsenal defenders as though they were BBC reporters. Faced with the glare off the bald head of Cygan, Obi Mikel fires a fierce shot directly at the source of the glare. Cygan moves directly out of the path of the ball, and Lehmann is distracted while choking African child #647893101. Chelsea take the late lead! Chelsea 2-1 Arsenal 93rd minute: Now completely unable to see any of the millions of players currently on the pitch, Wenger must dig deep down to find an equalizer. The only possible solution is to transfer some "va va voom" to Pires. Le Robert Pires va! He slides past Makalele, spins by Terry and Lampard, leaving newboy Del Horno in his wake. It's up for grabs now, Piresssssssss! .... falls over in the box. All seems lost for the Gunners. But what's this? The ball is poked by the unsuspecting Cech by who else? John Obi Mikel II, the boy who knows no loyalties. The final whistle blows. FT Chelsea 2-2 Arsenal Post match: Mourinho blames the difficulty of the schedule as well as injuries to his players caused by typhoid, hepatitis, and cholera. He then proclaims himself king of the world and believes that he needs 1-2 more players to feel comfortable about retaining the league. Wenger fails to see Lehmann choke most members of his team, or Pires and Reyes slowly dying due to whatever made them fall in the first place. Peter Kenyon eats Cesc Fabregas.
Re: The Man U Forum: ArseAnal Chavscum Match Thread I wonder how many bottles of whisky fergie will get through whilst watching this game? my bet is 97869672397629876233362394049210.8
Re: The Man U Forum: ArseAnal Chavscum Match Thread You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Achtung again.
Re: The Man U Forum: ArseAnal Chavscum Match Thread You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Achtung again. Hot damn!
Re: The Man U Forum: ArseAnal Chavscum Match Thread I just want Chelsea be beaten badly. Aint care who the hell in the prem does it.
Re: The Man U Forum: ArseAnal Chavscum Match Thread Here's to a draw. I hate both teams, but I won't curb my hatred for the Arse because Chelsk buy too many players. They already look on track to lose more than a couple games after the Wigan match. What a bloody mess this game will be. The field will be littered with players rolling around clutching their shins. And poor Drogba, he's so fragile, I'd hate to see him meet the wrath of a Cole tackle.
Re: The Man U Forum: ArseAnal Chavscum Match Thread Achtung that was awesome but unfortunately I have to spread some rep around. I was laughing out loud the whole time I read it.
Re: The Man U Forum: ArseAnal Chavscum Match Thread whatever happends we are winners, providing we beat Villa, but a draw would be nice.
Re: The Man U Forum: ArseAnal Chavscum Match Thread I want Chelsea beaten. We already know we can take the Arse out, so I want to see a chelski decline.
Re: The Man U Forum: ArseAnal Chavscum Match Thread IT is amazing what the emergance of Chel$ea has done to the supporters of ManU and Arsenal. I am an Arse fan, and have freinds who are ManU fans. And every time it is the same thing, they hope the arse beats chelsea, and I hope manu beats chelsea. Really what I am looking for is for Ambromovich to make disasterous business decisions, lose his fortune, Chelsea to pull a Leeds, and the EPL is set right again by being a two horse race, reds vs. reds.
Re: The Man U Forum: ArseAnal Chavscum Match Thread I don't care if Roman loses his fortune. I just want to see the day in which Chelsea attempts to make its next £20MM+ luxury purchase and Roman tells Kenyon and Jose that the bank is closed until the team becomes profitable.