The semi-occasional Francis M. Dale Memorial Awards celebrate the silly, the strange, and the surreal happenings in the sport of indoor soccer, and have been presented since 1986. By tradition, the awards are presented at a gala event on the night before the Championship Series begins (dress code: white-towel, black-tie). The winners list will be published on the Indoor Soccer Forum and the various email lists for the sport. Francis M. Dale, the award's namesake, was commissioner of the Major Indoor Soccer League from May 1, 1985 to the end of the 1985-86 season. The Dales bear his name after he overturned a 1985 playoff series match between San Diego and Minnesota for failing to read the rules of what players were eligible to participate in the shootout tie-breaker, and in what order. To this day, San Diego Sockers fans can be quoted as saying that series was the only best of 5 series ever won 4 games to 1. It should be noted that no one ever nominated or winning an award has ever appeared to accept, or even acknowledged receiving a Dale. There are five permanent award categories that are voted upon by the "Dale Committee" (anyone submitting an award is considered a member of the Dale Committee). These awards are given out every year: 1. The Alfred E. Newman Trophy for Idiot of the Year "The Grandaddy of Them All" is the highest/lowest award offered, similar to Best Picture, or the Golden Raspberry. This award is awarded to the individual who does or says the most unintelligent or stupidest thing during the season just ended. The original Newman went to Chicago Sting owner Lee Stern, who after a frustrating loss announced publicly that the club would be for sale the next day for 5¢. He received 3 cash offers (all paid in advance) when he arrived at the office that following morning. 2. The Bait and Switch Award Given to the individual or team who by their action most illustrates saying one thing and doing another. 3. The Richard M. Nixon Memorial Credibility Award Named for the former President of the United States, this award is given to the individual whose statements or actions most exemplify the phrase "I am not a Crook" (and the truthfulness of the statement thereof). In other words, it's given to either the most boldface lie of the season or to the person making the least believable statement of the season. Past winners have included CISL Commissioner Ron Weinstein, Sidekicks general Manager Jim Tolbert, and former NPSL Commissioner Steve Paxos (the only man to receive the Nixon in consecutive years). 4. The Texas Rangers Trade Award. So named for the American League baseball club's ability to trade a no-name wash up and have that player immediately become a superstar. This is given for the worst trade of the past season. 5. The Los Angeles Lazers Memorial Attendance Trophy . The first 3 time winner of the "Family and a few close friends" trophy, the award was re-named in honor of the Lazers in 1989 after the Lazers decided to schedule a match at the Forum on the same afternoon as the UCLA-USC football game. Attendance at the football game: 100,000+; announced attendance at the Forum: 250. Naturally, it is given annually to the club with the lowest average attendance or the team with the lowest "butts in seats" attendance at a single match. In addition to the permanent awards, certain all-star teams are awarded during those seasons when appropriate: 1. The Rogaine© All-Hair Team To qualify for "all-hair" status, the player must have shoulder length hair, dreadlocks, or should be bald as a cueball. Former Chicago Sting, and Detroit superstar Drago was named Captain-Emeritus of the All-Hair team in 1996. The All-Hair team has 6 members and is not restricted to position (i.e. the 6 players who have the longest hair or are bald regardless of position). 2. The All-One Name Team Given only in those seasons where there are 6 players in the league going by only one name or have their nick-name printed on their jersey. One season's "All-One Name" squad: Tatu, Preki, Beto, Drago, Dali, and Batata. Other awards can be created and presented by those receiving this message. The format of your submission should as follows: "The (name of award) is presented to (name of person or team) for (reason)" Examples: The Magic Number Award goes to the Dallas Sidekicks for the club's fascinations with the number 5. On three occasions this past season (1995), the club won matches after trailing by 5 goals, and lost other matches after leafing by the same number. The Marboro© Taste the Adventure Award: To La Raza de Monterrey for accepting cigarette advertising along their dasher boards and reportedly allowing free samples to be passed out to the crowd during a match. The Cosmos Trophy is presented to the New York Express for folding at mid-season, just as the Cosmos did two seasons ago. Please send your nominations or award creations to dales@kicksfan.com with "Dale Award" in your subject line. To allow time for the 5 permanent awards to be voted upon, please submit all nominations before Friday, April 4, 2003. The Francis M.. Dale Memorial Awards will be announced on April 10, 2003 on the various e-mail lists, as well as on the Indoor Soccer Forum, MISL Forum, and the indoor soccer boards at Big Soccer.com The Dales are all meant in (mostly) fun. You have seen it happen this season. You've told the story of it to your friends and fellow fans. Now immortalize it with a Dale. Send your award requests to dales@kicksfan.com today! The deadline again is April 4, 2003.