The Distract Me From 2020s P&CE Thread

They have a couple in SW Nevada for bighorn sheep, etc. But the camera on this one was pretty cool.

 

Just another day in my house: My son is playing soccer in the house, and he starts shouting "Goal for Shit Guard! Goal for Shit Guard! Shit Guard leads 2 to 1 against Juventus!" Now, this is a word that no one has ever used in front of him before, so he doesn't understand it, so I can't figure out why he's saying it.

Me: What are you saying over there?
Him: Shit Guard. The soccer team. Like you say, daddy. Shit Guard.
Me: Hang on. Say the name again? I don't know what team you're talking about.
Him: The team. Shit Guard. The soccer team.
Me: Are you saying "Shin Guard"?
Him: No. Shit Guard.

So I start racking my brain trying to figure out what the hell team he's talking about.

Me: Are you trying to say Shakhtar?
Him: No. It's another team. We watched them play. Shit Guard.
Me: Are you sure it's not Shakhtar? Shakhtar Donetsk?
Him: No, daddy. It's Shit Guard.

Now, he starts questioning himself if he's saying it right, and he just keeps repeating it, but putting more emphasis on the word shit each time, but he doesn't know what it means, so he thinks this is all harmless.

Him: Daddy, it was a team we watched on TV. They were on in the morning. We watched their game.

I'm sitting there for another solid 10 minutes as he's playing, staring dead ahead, just going through every team I can think of, and then I yell out...

"STUTTGART!!! STUTTGART!!! You're trying to say Stuttgart!" Every game we watch, he asks what teams are playing because he can't read, and he heard "Stuttgart", but misinterpreted it.

So remember folks: If you're going to pronounce your German cities the way they are pronounced in German, and not the Americanized way, don't be surprised when your kid shouts out "Shit Guard. The soccer team".

 

Just posted a reference to that movie in the tweet thread!

 

That reminds me of the classic joke about "Name the three soccer teams whose names contain swear words:"

Arsenal, Scunthorpe, and ********ing Manchester United.

 

The overpasses work better for the animals than the underpasses which I've seen in places.

 

Hey! I’ve played for and against Scunthorpe!


Like 60 something years gone now.

 

That was a meh moment. The part that piqued my interest was:

SPOILER (open) SPOILER (close)

Grand Admiral Thrawn!
Also the Loth cat/Ezra Bridger reference

 

I'm working in my home office. My dog is behind me, snoring loudly, which is great. The smell from his halitosis is making me wretch, which is not great. I can't bear the thought of waking him up and I also can't bear the thought of having to smell him all day. What should I do?

 

His halitosis is a result of bad teeth and gums. Find some dental sticks for dogs. Maybe even find some doggie toothpaste and toothbrush to help him.

Also, kick him out. My dog has a nasty habit of laying in front of my recliner, ass facing toward me, and releasing a Class 2.3 noxious gas at me. The kind of fart that melts the faces of Nazis in Indiana Jones pictures. She gets the boot for that nonsense.

 

Knave, not sure if you've ever seen these (they are quite old by today's standards), but I love the dry humor and cynicism of these little rants. Since I've been called "Young man", now I fit into this sad category.

 

Well, I finally had enough. I got him up and pushed him out the door. As he was leaving, he said, "Fine. Your breath is terrible anyway."

 

I was surprised how much I enjoyed them. I watched them all over the weekend. I stumbled upon these while looking up clips from Toast of London, which I find absolutely hilarious. I'm surprised how much I've enjoyed British comedies from the last decade or so, from Garth Marenghi's Darkplace to Toast of London.

My favorite thing from David is this bit with Richard Ayoade deconstructing a terrible joke.

 

I do not see how a discussion of bad smells is supposed to "Distract me from 2020" at all.
The one constant from this entire f'n year has been the stench.
This entire year has been a bad smell.

Now, you have me thinking about Donald Trump, with his incredibly bad diet, the excessive use of hair care products, and his overall odiousness, just how bad Donald Trump must smell at times.
Thanks for that sensory overload.

Oh, god, it gets worse:

https://www.amazon.com/Trump-Success-Toilette-Spray-Fluid/dp/B007OYXCTQ
Trump Success Eau de Toilette Spray for Men, 3.4 Fluid Ounce
About this item

• This product is made of high quality material
• It is recommended for romantic wear
• This Product Is Manufactured In USA

https://www.amazon.com/DONALD-Donald-Trump-Toilette-Cologne/dp/B01JVUZVPI
DONALD TRUMP by Donald Trump 1.7 Ounce / 50 ml Eau De Toilette Cologne Men Spray

https://www.amazon.com/Donald-Trump...NY982PPJ7X7&psc=1&refRID=DB5M3ANB2NY982PPJ7X7
Donald Trump Empire By Donald Trump For Men Edt Spray 3.4 Oz & Shower Gel 3.4 Oz & Toiletry Bag
Donald Trump Cologne by Donald Trump has top notes of citrus with hints of mint, cucumber and black basil. Donald Trump cologne's core notes are made from an exotic plant -- which the company keeps secret -- that provides a green effect with woody undertones, rounded out with spicy, peppery accents. The finish come from exotic woods and has earthy, herbaceous and spicy notes. The geometric glass bottle is tall, slim and clear and comes wrapped, of course, in solid gold packaging.


As for my dog, she spends time in my home office when I am eating at my desk. Unfortunately, since I am in my home office, that is much of the time.

 

It reads like hipster beer or food or something.