The Best of Liberal Larry

Ted Cikowski · Nov 18, 2004

thanks to Bill Archer, this site has changed my life, the best blog ever

http://blamebush.typepad.com/blamebush/

Here is Liberal Larry's reactions to recent events:

Fallujah

According to Army Spc. Kris Clinkscales:"The fighters were generally recognizable by their face masks..."
Let that sink in for a moment. In other words, the Marines are rampaging through the streets of Fallujah, systematically executing any Iraqi wearing a ski mask.

Excuse me, but if I went around Aspen killing everyone who had a ski mask on, they'd lock me up and throw away the key. Have any of the geniuses at the Pentagon even considered that these dudes might simply be on their way to the slopes?
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Unarmed Insurgent killed by Marine

Machmed Achmed McFachmed agreed. Once a prosperous member of the Mosul community, McFachmed has been unemployed since U.S troops violated the sanctuary of the Ali Shidi Mosque and forced him to stop firing RPG's at passing humvees.
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Yassir Arafat's death

Now, the festering, bulbuous head of the Palestinian Labor Organization is gone, and the world mourns the passing of this heroic powerful human symbol.
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HALO 2

Although I'm an open-minded, tolerant person, I couldn't help but laugh hysterically at the 15 geeks camped out in front of the local video game store last night. What a bunch of pathetic losers! No job, no girlfriend, no life - they probably still live with their moms. P. Diddy himself couldn't energize these lazy slobs enough to get off their backsides and vote for John Kerry, but they have enough piss 'n vinegar to sit out all night in the freezing cold for a stupid video game.

I shook my head and went inside.

"Is my Special Deluxe Boxed Limited Edition Directors Cut of Halo 2 in yet?" I asked the cashier.
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Kerry Losing the Elecetion

So today, I compiled a list of ten people I know who voted Republican and gave them each a call, in which I basically laid out the real heart of the progressive philosophy in simple terms they could understand.

"RACIST BIGOT GAY-BASHING FASCIST MORON!" I screamed into the phone after dialing my first number. "BIGOT FASCIST RIGHT-WING IDIOT HATEMONGER!!!!"

"Why are you screaming at me?" Grandma asked.
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Michael Moore and Al Franken

Logic dictates that if four years of baseless accusations and ad hominem attacks won us 48% of the popular vote, then being twice as nasty will win us 96%.
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That's just the newest stuff. This guy is the best blogger ever.

Ted Cikowski · Nov 18, 2004

more from Liberal Larry....

Abortion

Abortion is Patriotism. If exercising your Constitutional rights is patriotic, and abortion is a constitutional right, then having abortions must be a form of patriotism. I'd suggest bringing out a few human props - attractive women who got knocked up at a young age, had an abortion, graduated from an Ivy league college, and landed successful careers, while their pro-life peers are now working at Wal-Mart to support their eight kids.

And if one abortion imrpoved her life, think of how better off she would be if she had two! Or three!
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Howard Dean

Howard Dean is a little too much of a right winger for my taste
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MLK

Today is Martin Luther King, Jr.'s birthday. Or last week was...I'm not sure. To be honest, I've always thought that his ideas were a little naive, and he was way too benevolent towards the white devil.
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On who to support (written during the democratic primaries)

Kerry has promise, but he'll never get anywhere unless he starts touting his military service.
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Terrorism

In fact, we were much more safer when Bill Clinton was president. There were no orange alerts, or yellow alerts, or even robin's egg blue alerts. There was no need for a Department of Homeland Security, no US Patriot Act, no runs on duct tape. In fact, Clinton didn't worry about terrorist attacks at all...which only PROVES that we were safer. I mean, if the President isn't losing any sleep over terrorism, then how big of a deal can it be?
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Bill Archer · Nov 18, 2004

Once upon a time, before Dumbya decided to get back at the varmint who almost kilt his paw, Babylonian snowbunnies could head for the slopes without being shot at by neanderthal "liberators". Habib could enjoy a long day of cross-country skiing and burning infidels, then relax at the lodge without a jarhead crashing in and popping a cap in his ass. Apparently, those days are over.
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The guy is a genius

Bush promised to be a uniter, but then he turned around and refused to cater to my wants and needs. What you and I must do is reach across party lines, try to bridge the divide between us and find some common ground. So I'll see you at the Not In Our Name rally this weekend. We'll all sit around a roaring campire full of American flags, and tell horror stories about 200 years of U.S. imperialism. Now that I've opened the door of friendship, it's up to you to walk through. You never will, though, if you keep letting Rush Limbaugh do your thinking for you.
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Bill Archer · Nov 18, 2004

I honestly almost hurt myself when this came up.

The picture is hysterical

http://blamebush.typepad.com/blamebush/2004/11/the_first_time_.html

CUS · Nov 18, 2004

Bill Archer said:

I honestly almost hurt myself when this came up.

The picture is hysterical

http://blamebush.typepad.com/blamebush/2004/11/the_first_time_.html
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That's gotta be the ONLY KNOWN picture of Arafat without his stupid scarf

Bill Archer · Nov 19, 2004

Sidney Blumenthal in Salon online:

"In this strange Soviet Washington, a system of bureaucratic fear and one-party allegiance has been created in which only loyalists are rewarded. Rice stands as the model. One can never be too loyal. And the loyalists compete to outdo each other. Dissonant information is seen as motivated to injure the president -- disloyalty bordering on treason. Success is defined as support for the political line, failure as departure from the line. An atmosphere of personal vendetta and an incentive system for suppressing realities prevail. This is not an administration; it does not administer -- it is a regime."
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The amazing thing about Liberal Larry is that he is able to parody stuff that seems almost beyond parody.

Or maybe Blumenthal IS Liberal Larry.

Smiley321 · Nov 19, 2004

Bill Archer said:

I honestly almost hurt myself when this came up.

The picture is hysterical

http://blamebush.typepad.com/blamebush/2004/11/the_first_time_.html
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I thought that Ringo Starr had died

Anthony · Nov 19, 2004

What is really funny is that he gets hate mail from conservatives who think he is serious.

Ted Cikowski · Nov 19, 2004

Anthony said:

What is really funny is that he gets hate mail from conservatives who think he is serious.
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yep, idiots.
but if you go back and read all the comments left for him he also gets praise from a few liberals who think he's serious.

He writes it in a way that it starts off serious and you can't just skim the article or you'll miss the punchline.

Bill Archer · Nov 19, 2004

I particularly like the way he prints some absolutely maniac letter from someone who makes LaStort look like Mussolini and then helpfully supplies the guy's email address.

This one is just great:

http://blamebush.typepad.com/blamebush/2004/06/hate_mail.html