Saw this on Fox Sports World Online, and got a kick out of it. Enjoy! TOP TEN REASONS FERGIE MUST GO After Manchester United's pitiful start to the season it must be blatantly obvious even to the most diehard Red Devil fan that Sir Alex Ferguson has passed his sell-by date. Fergie's got to go before he turns the Theater of Dreams into the home of nightmares. Here are ten reasons why: 10. Poor preparation. The pre-match meal of pasta and a nice salad instituted by his worldly assistant Carlos Quiroz has been replaced by Fergie's favorite; prawn sandwiches. 9. Less-than-brilliant financial dealings. Flashback to last season: "Oi Yorkie (Dwight Yorke), I've heard you've been out on the razzle dazzle again and the only time you show a bit of pace is when Jordan's about to hit the ATM again. Why don't you bugger off to the reserves for the season?" This year: "Oi Yorkie, you cost me twenty mil and scored loads of goals, but I've got me a brand new 'Diego' (Forlan), so why don't you sod off to Blackburn for say, three mil?" Nice bit of business that. 8. Too reliant on has-beens. He'll pick Gary Neville the first chance he gets. 7. Questionable positioning. Before: "Scholsey (Paul Scholes) lad, I know that you're one of the best players in the world at your position (center midfield), but do you mind if I move you to play up front or to left midfield or as a target man or in the hole?" After: "What's wrong 'Ginger Prince?' You're playing like complete crap laddie. It looks like you've lost confidence. How about a spell on the bench?" 6. Personal habits Judging by his red-faced complexion, one has to wonder if "His Fergness" has been supping the "mother's milk" (scotch malt whisky) up in his office like it's a pint of heavy. Perhaps the players have been intoxicated by the fumes, judging by the string of hung-over performances. 5. My finances My shares in Manchester United PLC are becoming next to worthless. 4. Poor training methods Instead of practicing set pieces at the training ground, Sir Alex has enlisted the help of Jackie Chan to demonstrate the ancient art of "elbow to the head." Both Keano (Roy Keane) and Beckham have become "A" students, as Jason McAteer and Lee Bowyer can attest. While his greatness would never concede that those two saints could ever do anything malicious, he does have trouble with his eyesight. "It was only on the fifth replay that you could see contact and to be honest the opposing players made a bit of a meal out of it" A meal consisting of prawn sandwiches, no doubt! 3. Blatant double-standards. Jaap Stam was gotten rid of at the beginning of last season because in his autobiography he brought to light the shocking revelations that a) he'd been tapped up (approached semi-illegally) while still under contract to PSV Eindhoven, and b) that Beckham was a bit dim. "At United we keep that sort of talk in the dressing room," said Ferguson. At the start of this campaign his captain, Roy Keane, released his own auobiography in which he bragged about intentionally injuring Alfie Haaland, alleged that most of his teammates are spoiled rotten, and questioned the desire of the club to win. "I stand by Roy 100 percent," says his untouchableness. 2. Poor signings. "Dear Sir Alex, I love Manchester United very much and have always wanted to play at Old Trafford. Here is a video of my best moments. I hope you think I'm a good player and sign me for a large amount of money, cos my agent's got behind on his rent. Love, Diego Forlan." "Dear Diego, You look like the dog's bollocks on tape and I know a good player when I see one; remember Massimo Taibi? How does a ten million-dollar transfer fee and twenty grand a week sound? Love Ferg. PS. Please don't worry if you don't score in your first twenty-six appearances, you'll still be well good looking and I'm sure the wife will quite fancy you." 1. And the number one reason why Sir Alex Ferguson, the greatest manager in British footballing history has to get out now is... He's spent over one-hundred million dollars on three players (Veron, Van Nistlerooy and Ferdinand) and still can't beat Bolton Wanderers at home. Until then, get the beers in.
Actually, it looks like the Imperial Lord Ferg (as the Fiver calls him) is really starting to lose it. In addition to making panic transactions and bizarre substitutions, now he doesn't even know which team he's facing: http://football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,1563,794216,00.html I saw the footage of this on SSN last night and it was more than a bit embarrassing.