PSA: Stop Coaching from the Sidelines

Discussion in 'Youth & HS Soccer' started by NewDadaCoach, Apr 14, 2025.

  1. RateMySoccerClub

    RateMySoccerClub New Member

    Arsenal
    United States
    Apr 17, 2025
    United States
    I broke this habit by taking a vow of silence (that I mostly uphold) for my kids' games.
     
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  2. ne plus ultra

    ne plus ultra Member

    Jul 9, 2000
    I like the vow of silence idea.

    I mostly do pretty well, only shouting things like "Great first touch". When I say "don't let her turn" or ""switch fields" it's under my breath or to my wife.

    But once a game or so I get crossed up. A vow of silence for a week might tighten me up.
     
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  3. jmnva

    jmnva Member

    Feb 10, 2007
    Arlington, VA
    Club:
    DC United
    I'm fine when parents want to cheer the good stuff. I do work with parents to explain that just booting the ball out the back is generally not a good thing so don't cheer for that.

    I'm not a a fan of parents coaching/shouting from the sideline. It is no different from coaches that joystick games (yelling "shoot" when players are in the box is a particular pet peeve of mine).

    My coaching style involves very little comment from the sideline and the parents I work with generally pick it up.

    For the last decade, the club I'm part of does "Silent Soccer" in our rec program one matchday in the spring. The idea is that coaches and parents keep quiet for the entire game. Its one of my favorite days of the year. One of my friends calls it the day we all coach like Coach JMNVA
     
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  4. CornfieldSoccer

    Aug 22, 2013
    Oh man, I forgot about Silent Sundays. The league my son's first club played in did it once a season and it was like watching golf minus the post-shot clapping (nothing against golf, but soccer just isn't meant to be that way). I'm opposed to just about all parent coaching from the sidelines, but absolute quiet was not fun.
     
  5. jmnva

    jmnva Member

    Feb 10, 2007
    Arlington, VA
    Club:
    DC United
    Our rules for Silent Soccer explictly allow for clapping. Also players on sideline dont have to be quiet.
     
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  6. NewDadaCoach

    NewDadaCoach Member+

    Tottenham Hotspur
    Sep 28, 2019
    California
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    We all have preferences on this matter.
    I'm not even sure where the line is exactly, in terms of what is ok and what is not, I'm still figuring it out. Its a bit of a gray area imo.

    But some things I know for sure.
    1) if you aren't a member of the club, definitely don't coach from the sidelines. Imagine going to your nephew's game where you don't know the parents and joysticking the team. Who does that?
    2) when kids are in the attacking 1/3, keep quiet. Don't get in their head, they have enough pressure on them in that moment, and the attacking 1/3 is where kids need to have creative freedom and try things without fear of making mistakes and without feeling like they have to wait for instructions from the sidelines.
     
  7. NotAmari

    NotAmari Member

    My Kids Teams/My FPL & Draft Teams/Crew
    United States
    Nov 1, 2022
    Ohio
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    My two rules of thumb for parental sideline commentary is that it should always be historical and it should always be positive.

    I.e. comment on good things that they've already done.

    Examples: Great effort, good work, nice pass, great save, etc.

    I used to do "Unlucky" more often than I do now - someone somewhere pointed out that a lot of "bad luck" is usually technical deficiency so I reserve it for true bad luck now (i.e. a crazy deflection or something).
     
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  8. soccerdad72

    soccerdad72 Member

    Chelsea
    United States
    Apr 5, 2021
    "Unlucky" is an overused term that is one of my biggest pet peeves. It's just used incorrectly like 90% of the time. Kid hits a shot 4 feet wide of the goal - that's not unlucky, that's a bad shot, etc.
     
  9. CornfieldSoccer

    Aug 22, 2013
    I'm guilty on unlucky. Once it entered my vocabulary, it was like a flowing river, man. That and "nice idea." Sometimes it's true, but not every time.
     
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  10. CornfieldSoccer

    Aug 22, 2013
    I'd forgotten this one, but it goes well beyond coaching from the sidelines.

    In U-littles rec soccer where we live, at least U6/U7, a coach is on the field with each team to help occasionally unbunch the bee hive and steer daisy-pickers back into the game. I was usually "it" on the little teams I coached. In one game one of my co-coaches caught my eye and pointed up field to the goal our kids were attaching and the rather large (like 6-5, 270) coach from the other team standing in front of the goal -- on the goal line, covering at least half of the mini goal they used at that age (maybe 5 feet tall and 6 wide?). We quietly got the ref to move him, but he kept going back. Again and again. And did it in multiple games. Just would not stop.

    I didn't know him at the time but did get to know him later, and he's honestly a great guy. One of the other parents said they didn't know him well but was entirely confident they could call him in the middle of the night if their car broke down a hundred miles away and he would, without hesitation, get in his own car and be there as quick as he could. And I don't doubt that a bit, but that blocking the goal thing had to be intentional. There is no way he didn't know what he was doing.
     
  11. tobu

    tobu Member

    cesa
    Japan
    Oct 15, 2023
    asheville nc
    Nat'l Team:
    Japan
    How about only allowing “Great job. Unlucky. Good idea!” In the most sarcastic voice possible. Bonus points for air quotes.
     
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  12. soccerdad72

    soccerdad72 Member

    Chelsea
    United States
    Apr 5, 2021
    Did he block shots during play? Just curious.

    Hey, at least he's not slide tackling kids (hopefully)! :whistling:
     
  13. Beau Dure

    Beau Dure Member+

    May 31, 2000
    Vienna, VA
    Emma Hayes is firmly in the anti-"unlucky" camp.

    Unless a bird lands on the ball or something.
     
  14. CornfieldSoccer

    Aug 22, 2013
    It's been a long time ago, but no, I don't think he did anything beyond just sort of drifting into that space and coaching from there. Don't recall anything like blocking a shot, and I think parents would have yelped loudly about that. But he was just a big, hulking presence, effectively cutting the goal in half. And, as I mentioned, a repeat offender.
     
  15. tobu

    tobu Member

    cesa
    Japan
    Oct 15, 2023
    asheville nc
    Nat'l Team:
    Japan
    He’s not a parent, but I personally love how my daughter’s coach admonishes the players for being out of position. “Hey xxxxxx, You’re our winger right? Yeah, just making sure you weren’t our midfielder or something.”
     
  16. Beau Dure

    Beau Dure Member+

    May 31, 2000
    Vienna, VA
    When I was coaching U-12s, I had a diplomat's son on the team who didn't speak much English. I needed him at left back. He ran up into the attack, of course. I kept yelling, "Ahmed! (Not his real name.) Left back! Left back!"

    I felt a vibration in my pocket.

    Took out my phone. It was a text from my wife. "Honey, he's never going to get it. Just relax and let it go."
     
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  17. Fuegofan

    Fuegofan Member+

    Feb 17, 2001
    Chicago
    I was watching my son in a U11(ish) game. My son and another kid were both in central midfield. The other kid's father was screaming at his son to attack. The problem, I found out later, was that the coach had organized the team so that my son was supposed to attack and the other kid was supposed to defend. But what was the poor kid to do? "Coach said defend, cover the space behind, but I live with Dad, and he's telling me to attack." Is what I imagine was going through his head. So my son was supremely confused as he would attack and suddenly there was no defensive presence behind him, so he had to cheat back, but that was going against what coach had told him to do. I was never one to coach much from the sidelines, but I learned how much harm it can have from that example, so I've never done it again.
     
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  18. Jimi77

    Jimi77 New Member

    Barcelona
    Spain
    Mar 27, 2025
    Denver, CO
    I've always told my kiddo, whatever the coach says overrides anything I or other parents yell from the sidelines.
     
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  19. ne plus ultra

    ne plus ultra Member

    Jul 9, 2000
    I have to admit the transition from coach to parent/fan took me some time. Once or twice a game for the first fall after I stopped coaching, I'd say something more directive than supportive. Once I found myself suggesting who my kid should throw it in to.

    "Whoops! sorry, coach. I promise I'll shut up now."

    On the question of what people shout, my kid was at a tryout a few nights ago. She hit a solid through ball bending across the front line that an attacker couldn't quite get to. Her teammate told her "good impulse!"

    I was like "what's that, the north shore version of 'good idea'? Are we joining a thesaurus-based team?"

    She later informed me that the girl actually said "good in-pass". Which is not a familiar term to me, but it seemed more normal than "good impulse".
     
  20. Fudrucker

    Fudrucker New Member

    United States
    Dec 7, 2023
    After awhile you realize there is an inverse relationship between parent coaching and actual knowledge of the game. In the meantime you have to endure parents using trendy phrases like the ones above or "great ball" muttered at the time of contact on a 30 yarder that ends up harmlessly over the end line. In any case if you ever make a scene yelling "Ball don't lie!" after an unsuccessful PK, congratulations. You just proved something. To yourself.

    If you want to say something to your kid, just do it after the game.
     
  21. ThePonchat

    ThePonchat Member+

    #ProRelForUSA
    United States
    Jan 10, 2013
    I've Been Everywhere Man
    Club:
    Columbus Crew
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Put me in the “never sideline coaching” camp. As a parent of 3, and a coaching career of 17+ years, there’s really no benefit in it at all. Zero complaints to the referees either — other than one time where I went to the AR who was holding a U8 out due to a cast that was wrapped properly which AR said wasn’t.

    No coaching in the car or parking lot either. Limit my comments to “good job” or “keep working hard” or “I’m proud of you” and always “love you.” When the kids are old enough and ask for more input, I’d share some at the right times.

    I have my frustrations, sure. But, it’s not like most kids have the mental capacity to understand or physical capacity to do what most of these “adults” are trying to tell their kids to do.
     
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  22. soccerdad72

    soccerdad72 Member

    Chelsea
    United States
    Apr 5, 2021
    I agree with that - generally speaking, discussions about the game just finished in the car ride home are a bad idea. When my younger son was older (U-13 and into HS), usually the most that happened was him doing a lot of swearing and us just driving in silence ;)
     
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  23. Beau Dure

    Beau Dure Member+

    May 31, 2000
    Vienna, VA
    U-9 boys, pre-buildout line. Keeper punts it the length of the field. The other keeper calmly collects it and punts back.

    Parent: "YEEEEEAAAAH! GREAT KICK!"
     
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