Alert: Official 2022 DC United Gallows Humor Thread

Discussion in 'D.C. United' started by Bootsy Collins, Jul 9, 2022.

  1. griffin1108

    griffin1108 BigSoccer Supporter

    Dec 5, 2003
    Virginia
    MLS has begun an investigation into match fixing by DCU. According to sources, the league office found it incomprehensible that a "playoff quality roster" augmented by additional signings this window could have such a poor record.
     
    DCU, anotherfan, Alejandro 10 and 6 others repped this.
  2. Daniel le Rouge2

    Apr 16, 2015
    Club:
    DC United
    They’re not the only ones …
     
    Alejandro 10, Winoman and PSURoss repped this.
  3. revelation

    revelation Member+

    Dec 17, 1998
    FC St. Pauli
    Club:
    FC Sankt Pauli
    Allstate has yet again declared that DC United doesn't qualify for their safe driver discount after too many wrecks this season.
     
    dadman, shawn12011, fatbastard and 3 others repped this.
  4. Bootsy Collins

    Bootsy Collins Player of the Year

    Oct 18, 2004
    Capitol Hill
    Club:
    DC United
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    I honestly can't figure out why DC United tries to have a webpage. I mean, does anyone here really think they can string three W's in a row?
     
    majspike, dadman, sitruc and 5 others repped this.
  5. Q*bert Jones III

    Q*bert Jones III The People's Poet

    Feb 12, 2005
    Woodstock, NY
    Club:
    DC United
    By that logic, WWII seems well out of reach. And this is certainly not the greatest generation.
     
  6. Daniel le Rouge2

    Apr 16, 2015
    Club:
    DC United
    Things could be worse. At least we’re not Manchester United …
     
  7. Bootsy Collins

    Bootsy Collins Player of the Year

    Oct 18, 2004
    Capitol Hill
    Club:
    DC United
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Yeah. A friend who's a ManU fan was drowning his sorrows in a pub yesterday, and some guy came up to him and said "hey, it's still early, there's a lot of matches left to play this season." My friend replied that at this point, he wasn't sure that was very reassuring, and the other guy said that it wasn't meant to be.
     
  8. Q*bert Jones III

    Q*bert Jones III The People's Poet

    Feb 12, 2005
    Woodstock, NY
    Club:
    DC United
    Did they drive another plane off the runway or something?

    Crashing a plane with the whole team on it is a strategy DCU should consider too. Just think of all the TAM we'd get!
     
    griffin1108 repped this.
  9. Bootsy Collins

    Bootsy Collins Player of the Year

    Oct 18, 2004
    Capitol Hill
    Club:
    DC United
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    You just took the "dark" title from @sitruc .
     
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  10. song219

    song219 BigSoccer Supporter

    Apr 5, 2004
    La Norte
    Club:
    DC United
    Nat'l Team:
    Vanuatu
    but when the Galaxy eventually do the same thing they will get a lot more TAM.
     
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  11. sitruc

    sitruc Member+

    Jul 25, 2006
    Virginia
    The Chapecoense crash had survivors and the team was just relegated again.
     
  12. MagpieFan

    MagpieFan Member+

    Apr 25, 2004
    Back in DC
    Club:
    DC United
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Well that was a short lived ride at the top for Q*bert
     
  13. revelation

    revelation Member+

    Dec 17, 1998
    FC St. Pauli
    Club:
    FC Sankt Pauli
    Don't tempt Rooney to chase another no hope long shot to make his name...
     
    Daniel le Rouge2 and Winoman repped this.
  14. Bootsy Collins

    Bootsy Collins Player of the Year

    Oct 18, 2004
    Capitol Hill
    Club:
    DC United
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    The best thing about being a DC United fan is how it's almost completely eliminated our need for sleep. After all, who needs sleep when you've been dead inside for years?
     
    sitruc, dadman, revelation and 5 others repped this.
  15. Daniel le Rouge2

    Apr 16, 2015
    Club:
    DC United
    Wayne: You guys. You lollygag the ball around the backline. You lollygag your way back on defense. You lollygag on and off the pitch. You know what that makes you? Chad!
    Chad: Lollygaggers!
    Wayne: Lollygaggers.
    Wayne: What's our record, Chad?
    Chad: Six, Fourteen and Four.
    Wayne: Six, Fourteen … and Four. How'd we ever win six?
    Chad: It's a miracle.
    Wayne: It's a miracle. This... is a simple game. You pass the ball. You trap the ball. You shoot the ball. You got it?
     
    dadman, usadcu, revelation and 2 others repped this.
  16. Bootsy Collins

    Bootsy Collins Player of the Year

    Oct 18, 2004
    Capitol Hill
    Club:
    DC United
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    What we need is a rainout.
     
    dadman, usadcu, revelation and 5 others repped this.
  17. Section 107

    Section 107 Member+

    DCU
    United States
    Jul 18, 2018
    Won't happen until we get a proper roof.

    Who remembers the rain delays at the Racoon's Lair with the 3 hour drum circles in the tunnels....?
     
  18. Bootsy Collins

    Bootsy Collins Player of the Year

    Oct 18, 2004
    Capitol Hill
    Club:
    DC United
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    #43 Bootsy Collins, Aug 15, 2022
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2022
    There are other ways to get a rainout.



    I stayed out in the rain. 2697876745_ddd95704f0_b.jpg
     
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  19. Bootsy Collins

    Bootsy Collins Player of the Year

    Oct 18, 2004
    Capitol Hill
    Club:
    DC United
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    If an alien landed in my back yard and demanded someone to eat, I'd drive straight to Dave Kasper's house with a net.
     
    dadman, sitruc, Alejandro 10 and 2 others repped this.
  20. Bootsy Collins

    Bootsy Collins Player of the Year

    Oct 18, 2004
    Capitol Hill
    Club:
    DC United
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Is Curt Onalfo available?
     
    dadman, song219, Winoman and 2 others repped this.
  21. shammypants

    shammypants Member+

    Oct 9, 2013
    Club:
    DC United
    Wayne "Curt Onalfo" Rooney

    Rooney has 1 more point earned from his first 18 possible than Onalfo, but less goals scored!
     
  22. Yowza

    Yowza Member+

    DC United
    United States
    Oct 23, 2019
    Arlington
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Philly fans chanting:
    "OUR HOUSE
    IN THE MIDDLE OF DC!"

    Truly Madness
     
  23. Alejandro 10

    Alejandro 10 Member+

    Feb 15, 2001
    Club:
    DC United
    Originally from South Western New York, being a DC United fan is starting to remind me of growing up following the Bills.
     
    dadman, Winoman and griffin1108 repped this.
  24. griffin1108

    griffin1108 BigSoccer Supporter

    Dec 5, 2003
    Virginia
    Someone on Reddit posted, "How long does it take Rafael Romo to learn from his mistakes? At least 13 times."
     
    Winoman, Alejandro 10 and anotherfan repped this.
  25. Hedbal

    Hedbal Member+

    Jul 31, 2000
    DC
    Club:
    DC United
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    It's totally unfair to blast Romo for the goals, except for perhaps one. He was left out to dry
     

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