New Jimmy Conrad column

Pretty funny column, but here's the two I laughed out loud at:

Reasons the San Jose Earthquakes have to move out of the Bay Area:
6. To follow Alexi Lalas' lead.
5. Common sense. The team only had the best regular-season record, did not lose one game at home and had the second-best home attendance. Ship them out, I say.
4. Khodadad Azizi wants to rejoin the team.
3. So that the Spartan Stadium price-gouging landlords (San Jose State University) cannot hold MLS hostage anymore.
2. Because the local newspaper still hasn't recognized there is a professional soccer team in their city.
1. Landon Donovan says the fans there aren't loyal anymore.

and

Most annoying ailment/injury to soccer-playing Americans:
6. ACL tear.
5. Blister on the heel.
4. Jammed finger.
3. Sports hernia.
2. Athlete's foot.
1. Brandi Chastain.

 

Good job and Jimmy with his usual stab at the galaxy is always fun too.

 

very nice article this time around, Chris sent me the text at work so I got to read it. Pretty funny stuff yet again. and always getting his little stabs in

 

I can actually see it.

Waldo Out!

 

As I told Chris today over email, I see it as well, it's hilarious and scary

 

It's been a while since I've seen the flowing W of the Wichita Wings. Last I saw it in full color outside this forum Wichita left Kemper with a win. Anyway, in honor of the mighty W's inglorious return, I have an Andy Chapman story.

Andy Chapman was a player that made it very difficult to ignore his particular uniqueness. I was lucky enough to have two parents that worked for separate companies, both of which had front row seats to Comets' games. As demand for tickets internally was light, my friends and I used them frequently. It's good to be in the front row. I remember Andy as a tallish, ugly, skinny, arrogant, whining, little (OK not so little) bitch of a player with bad teeth and a peanut head whose redeeming qualities were few. That he could play and his height allowed him to dominate most anything airborn (especially over some of KC's shortish defenders like Seale, Schiraldi, etc.) just about completes the full list. A stellar example of the unmitigated class Andy brought to the arena night after night was his chewing gum.

In warmups he would chew a piece of gum, remove it after a shot, and stick the ABC wad on the small shelf of the boards almost exactly at the corner kick spot (coincidently where my Mom's Company seats were). Fast forward to gametime. At every break on that end, it was his habit to exchange the new piece in his mouth for the cold one on the corner board. Usually he would do this while staring at whoever was on the other side of the boards...sometimes me. If the gum stuck to the boards a little, he'd even use both dirty sweaty hands.

Yum.

Amazing in his consistency, he would keep it up all game, every game. Chew, switch, chew, switch, chew.

It was a toss up as to what was the single least marketable sight in MISL. Some might say it was Tatu's wookie-like chest flashed to the world after a goal, Tino Litierri's constant defense of his stuffed parrot - hung in net every game - target to everyone, the parade of obese refs whose girth sometimes prevented them from getting the blue card out in short order (seriously), Greg Makowski's roadmap knees on grasshopper legs, or even Ron Newman in shorts pregame (you're welcome for the visuals). I might go with Andy Chapman's oral hygene habits. Can't imagine how MISL marketing lost steam...{sigh}

 

Great story, but I don't know if I was really ready for it.

 

This article is another reason why I like Jimmy.

 

My mom was telling me that there was some get together here in KC for "famous" Jimmys. And they all were blindfolded and told they were going to get fudge...but Jimmy got fed strained peas....gross! I thought that was kind of funny

 

Let's see here, that makes me, you, and Wingsfan that are Wichita Wings fans...

And I bet I'm the youngest. What "era" did you two watch? I mean, REALLY early days, 80's-90's, etc?