There is a good thread going on now in the Womens Soccer Forum about Males Coaching Female Soccer Players. Made me think, what does some of your daughters think of a "More Demanding" coach, someone that will push you, at times use foul words, drive you, yell at you, etc? Or does you daughter perfer the kind gentle coach that will pat you on the back and not really get on you?? Iv seen girls that come off the field and not show the gentle coach any respect at all, however, the same girls are with a more demanding coach and if they come off, they are full of attention when coach is explaining on why they came off. I see it even more so in HS. Girls come out and they think Im all that, why am I out for and they cop a attitude because the coach isnt as hard as prior coaches they have had. Iv seen "Hard Core" used to explain the More Demanding Coach. Not all girls are able to be coached by a coach like this, others strive off it. Your Thoughts??
A coach who yells at the player is a stiff your coaching people and not animals, on pushing you push them to help get them to push themselves and all players men or women individual are all different they are different people so you don't handle them all the same way, on using foul language if a coach would use foul language to me is likely to get punch in his foul mouth face unless you don't mind being disrepected. I never coached women but have trained them on the skills they use in the game. I always thought I could do it the same way I taught them to men. Nothing happened during that time to lead me to believe I was wrong.
My daughter has had both types of coaches. Boh coaches were very good and knew thier stuff. One won a PDL National Championship last season. That being said, my particular child responds better to the demanding, brutally honest coach. She would rather hear a coach say, "your touch sucks today-- you better get it right or you'll find yourself watching the game from the bench" than hear "nice try. You'll get it". People are all different and respond to different motivators, this is true if children or adults. Not sure if one could say definitively which type of coach is more effective and the like-- but each are beneficial to different players. After saying all that, I DO think there is a difference between demanding/honest coaches and those who choose to belittle/berate players.
Funny, almost all coaching training recommends a middle ground between these two extremes. You praise what deserves to be praised, then you point out what needs to improve. The player (boy or girl) gets some positive feedback, does not get insecure and think the coach dislikes him or her, and also does not get complacent and think there is nothing in particular to improve upon. The coach emphasizes that complacency kills sports careers, but also emphasizes that every player has something good about them. This is true for tryout teams. They all have something going for them, or they would not have been selected, so you are not lying when you praise them. Your job as coach is to work on those aspects of their game that did NOT get them selected, as well as improving their strengths. On a recreational team, some players really have very little going for them. But then, I cannot imagine the yelling, demanding coach being a rec coach, so I hope we are talking solely about selected teams.
Hey Clark, yes, almost all of my post are involved with Select/Tryout teams and clubs. Im otta the loop on Rec. Not downgrading Rec, but just our road is down Select.
One of the keys to the demanding (not demeaning) coach is fairness. If the players feel that the coach praises everyone when they deserve it and gets on everyone when they deserve that they are usually ok. If there is (perceived or real) unfairness it falls flat quickly.
Your right on EJ!! And by the way, I was trying to express Demanding, NOT Demeaning. But I know what you all mean.
This brings to mind a coach I know. He did get punched in the mouth, but by a mother from an opposing team. They had actually been friendly at one time and I believe he had coached her son. Now, not to excuse the mother, but I have seen this coach in action many times and one of those time he took on the 15 or 16 year old female ref at a U8 indoor game. At the time my oldest was about the same age and also reffing and I thought, had that been my daughter, it would have been very likely that I would have gone over and punched him in the mouth too.
My daughters are definitely different in this respect. The oldest needed positive coaching to get the most out of her and would internalize any criticism to the point that under the type of coach you describe she'd wither on the vine. She had that type of coach as a U15 too and he took her from playing the best soccer she had ever played to nearly quitting soccer all together. He was known to drop an F bomb now and then, but surprisingly the swearing didn't bother her. What bothered her most was his body language and those occasions when he gave the team the silence treatment because things didn't go as planned. Needless to say we found another team with coaching more to her liking who returned her enthusiam for playing soccer and she went on to play in college. The youngest is just naturally more confident, so her persoanlity suggests that she could handled this type of coach better. However, I now have sought out coaches who are teachers even more than they are coaches and as a result they would not criticize in this manner ("your touch sucks today-- you better get it right or you'll find yourself watching the game from the bench"). Their style of coaching would be to help correct the problem that was causing a poor touch. Which brings me back to RegionII's original post and mention of the thread in the Women's forum. Having read that thread there was a comment by someone I believe was a coach that said, "IN GENERAL, it seems that a female is more apt to play harder and be receptive to teaching if they feel like they are personally respected by their coach, whereas with males the opposite is true- males are playing IN ORDER TO EARN the respect of their coach, versus having to have it to be more productive." A little lightbulb went off in my head with this comment. Many coaches, the majority of whom are male, regard sitting the bench as a motivator. If what this person says is true, and I believe it is, it probably is motivation for most male athletes, but may be just the opposite for most female athletes. IMO most girls will respond better to a coach who says, "I need you to do this" than to a coach who says, "Do this or go sit the bench".
There's a big difference between being a bit hard on a girl versus humiliation. Benching a girl, imho, may work well as an occasional reality check, but in the long run just causes her to doubt herself. Saw my kid sitting on the bench a few weeks ago and and she truly did come out with a vengeance next time out on the field. It was the first time I saw her respond this way. There is nothing like a compliment from a coach that really means it. I think your comment on respect, Bird, is important. We learned the hard way. A coach that doesn't respect your daughter is bad news, plain and simple. Worse yet is when he demands it and doesn't give it in return.