Monkey Will "Walk Off" If Zoo Visitors Make Footballer Noises At Him

A monkey who is one of the main attractions at London zoo has claimed that he will walk off if anybody makes footballer noises at him this summer.

With the Olympic games in London this year, the zoo is expecting a lot of visitors from other countries, where cultures may not be as tolerant of different species.

Bozo, an 8 year-old spider monkey, is concerned that this could lead to abuse being aimed at him and his fellow primates. “In this country we live in a multi-species society where most mammals respect each other, but some of my fellow monkeys who have been overseas say that it’s not the same everywhere else. We have had trouble in the past with foreign visitors chanting some pretty offensive things.” explained Bozo.

“One of the chimpanzees said that a group of Ukrainian school kids once came right up to the bars while he was swinging on a branch, and started making disgusting footballer noises at him. Apparently they held their faces like a Premier League player who’d been pushed in the chest, and started shouting ‘Ref! Ref! That has to be a red card ref..!! If that happens to me this summer I won’t stand for it, I’ll just stop swinging on my tyre on a rope and walk straight off.

Italian footballer Mario Balotelli has recently said that he would ‘kill’ anybody who threw a banana at him. This is not a concern for Bozo, who confirmed that he would deal with this situation by eating the banana, and then maybe throwing a handful of his own excrement back at the offender.

“If these speciesists want to chant vile abuse at me, make footballer noises and suggest that I’m no better than a dumb animal chasing a ball around for a living then I’m not going to rise to it.”
“I’ll just keep quiet, maintain my dignity and refuse to let them make a monkey out of me.”


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