So, there I was on a warm Friday evening at the end of my exam week, with a few more days left before I head back to Rochester for the summer. As I wait for a friend of mine to swing by for our weekly Friday beer-run, a loud, crackly BANG sounded in my headphones, pounding a full force of bass against my eardrums, sending shockwaves through my nervous system, throwing me into a state of euphoria. My monitor went black as my senses dulled. With a massive flash of blue light, the screen roared back to life, but it was oddly different. A horrible kaleidoscope of various shades of blue swirled. I could sense that this energy had been dormant for months, but for some reason, it was rapidly picking up speed as it swirled around my monitor, drawing in anything nearby. Perplexed, I barely managed to duck out of the way as my Nike Aerow flew by my head into the blue hole, followed by my Diadora Attiva's. Not keen on losing my boots, I reached out for my Diadora's, grabbing them by the laces and struggling to keep them out of the blue vortex. It proved to be a minor victory, however, as I began to get pulled in along with my boots! Getting yanked out of my chair, I desperately reached back, swiping for the wooden frame of my horribly uncomfortable bed, just barely holding onto it with two fingers. Taking a moment to collect my thoughts, I looked around my room. My initial take was that the vortex roaring inside my monitor was sucking up everything in sight, but to the right of me, my Boondock Saints poster laid calmly along the wall. Just what does this thing want!? I didn't have time to think of an answer, as a pair of my clubs socks flew through the air, of course finding their way right onto my face. With my free hand, I managed to brush them aside, just in time to catch my Adidas Fingersaves! Was this blue energy trying to crush anything football-related!? Thoughts raced through my head, until I caught a glance of of the Manchester United poster hanging on the other side of my bed. The paper was quivering, desperately trying to remain stuck to the putty that held it against the wall. A sick, bitter laughter resonated throughout the room. Looking back into the chaotic blue mess, I saw this face: His cold hands grabbed at my feet, trying desperately to pull me into the vortex. As my grip on my bedframe began to let up, I could hear the sound of pre-recorded cheers and could feel the bitter energy flowing from the portal. I had no doubts as to where it would take me: The City of Manchester Stadium! My pursuer tried to tempt me into stopping my struggle, telling me that he would let me see his backside if I would let go of the bed. NOOOOOO!!!!!!!! I could barely hang on anymore. I knew that my time was limited. Suddenly, I could sense an unbelievable, warm force burning from across the room, and turned to see the emblem of my poster glowing with a fiery red aura. But whatever savior this was, surely it was too late; my grip had finally failed me and the cackling thug began to pull me into the vortex. I closed my eyes, but opened them right back up as I felt a flash of heat fly past my face, and with the ferocious passion of a lifelong love, a booming, glorious noise filled the room, buckling the walls and shattering the windows! It was... CAPTAIN NEVILLE!!! [youtube]FFtw7qW7Vcw[/youtube] The armband-and-spacehelmet-wearing Captain Neville unleashed a vicious punch right to the face of my bare-assed intruder, with so much power that NASA scientists had to check over their videos, and found that the force of the punch could be seen from space! Relieved, I sat back down as the vortex evaporated, perplexed as to what had just happened. My savior warned me that similar situations were occuring all over the world, with "bitters", as he called them, attacking Manchester United supporters on BigSoccer dot com. He, the captain of his squad, had previously dispatched his fellow Red Devils to stop the bitter attacks and save his beloved supporters. As he hopped back into his ship, I asked about the identities of those other Red Devils. Before taking off back to Headquarters, his last words: "Only those on BigSoccer saved by my compatriots can tell you that...".