Some of the funniest things (albeit unintentionally so) I read in a day are items of local news often due to their utter banality. I've seen some classics from my hometown over the years, including a story of a distraction burglary where the suspect made off with a pound coin and two Jim Reeves (don't ask, I don't know) tapes. Currently I find the sherrifs blotter for my new place of residence is often filled with little gems. Take an entry from last week: Suspicious person. Silvertide Drive and Camino del Avion. A caller said she was sitting in her car when a man tried to attack her car and was yelling profanities at her. The man then hugged a tree. The caller suspected the man was on drugs. 8:19 p.m. This gets my vote for "no sh*t" statement of the year
Santa was shot in my town: You'll Shoot Your Eye Out, Kid SHAMOKIN, Pa. - Santa definitely knows one boy was not nice this year. A 17-year-old is accused of firing a pellet gun from a second-story window, hitting a man dressed as Santa Claus on Monday night. Police said the boy confessed. Scott Slodysko, a volunteer fireman, was riding atop a fire truck when he heard a popping sound at an intersection. “It felt like a bee stung me - like a very bad bee sting.” Slodysko said he knew immediately that somebody with a pellet gun was to blame. He described the wound as "a black-and-blue mark about the size of a silver dollar" and said the attack won't stop him from portraying Santa next year. "We do this for the kids," Slodysko said. "I just can't believe someone would do something like that."
Over here, two high school twin brothers came home two find a burglar on the second floor of their two-story home trying to jump out the window. One twin rushed up to the second story and pushed the guy out of the window where he landed on his back on the ground twenty feet below. The other twin then tackled him when he got up and pinned him to the ground while his brother called the cops. It made the front page a few months ago.