https://news.stanford.edu/report/2022/03/02/update-loss-undergraduate-student/ An incredibly sad day in women's soccer and Stanford athletics. Condolences to her family and friends on this sudden loss.
. My condolences to her family. I remember her as the GK that helped in the championship in penalty shootout.
Wow, that is horrible. I also remember her performance in the championship game shootout. She was excellent and played with a lot of passion. Whenever I heard her name I was reminded of that game. This is really sad for her family and the Stanford community.
Condolences: every death is sad, but the one of a so young and healthy woman is even sadder. Even if I don't follow much women's soccer at college level I was aware of her (and, for the low level of my knowledge of college soccer, it means she had to be absolutely outstanding). Do I remember well that some user here (maybe @cachundo?) had her face as his avatar for some time?
Very tragic. My wife and I were informed yesterday that our former next-door neighbor---a 39- year-old man from a close-knit family, 3 children (all under 10), attractive wife, graduate of Virginia Military Institute, seemingly successful construction/home-improvement business, 2nd home at the bay, a considerate church-going guy who was seemingly as stable and steady as one could be--had died by his own hand. We were/are completely shocked, as he was the proverbial last person you would expect to do such a thing. One always wonders, sadly, why.
Sorry for being so blunt, but it's you explicitly introducing the subject: so is it official that she died by suicide?
This was on my mind a lot yesterday and it really soured my mood. I have a daughter that is Meyer's age that played against her a few times in ECNL matches. That same daughter had a friend that she had known most of her life that died earlier this year under circumstances that were eerily similar to Meyer's. Both were high achievers that attended academically elite institutions. Both were found in their dorm rooms. Both appeared to have everything going for them and cared a lot for those around them. The death of my daughter's friend really hit close to home for us and made us think a lot about what is important in life. Meyer's death brought all of those memories back and I woke up in a horrible mood today. When young people die it should serve as a reminder that we all need to check with our loved ones and others that are important to us. Make sure that those you care about are doing okay and really listen to them. It might be difficult to do, but look for subtle clues that something may be "off." Kids can be difficult to read sometimes but it is worth making the effort to do so. Be attentive to others and treat people, those that you know and those that you don't, with kindness. There is a lot of divisiveness now. Differences in political opinions and covid did not help matters. Try to put those differences aside to listen to people and be helpful. I'm not always my best and can have little patience for people sometimes. When tragedies like this happen it reminds me of what is really important.
No, the cause of death has not been officially released and I very much doubt that it will be released. If it was an accident or foul play--or there were suspicions of either--that would certainly have been reported. It wasn't.
edit: saw a source quoting authorities stating cause of death was self inflicted. https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.usatoday.com/amp/9368215002 So damn sad. My alma mater lost a 19-year old young lady to mental illness. Extremely bright. The kind of kid who was connected to so many people and incredibly well liked. She was a student paper reporter who interned with the Pulitzer Foundation, a member of several political organizations and she was also training to become a peer counselor in a group that was really honed in on suicide prevention. I didn’t know her, but having moved back to the area, knew people who knew of her. I lost someone extremely close to me in the same way. I was the last person to speak to her and see her one evening and she was gone by probably 3am. It is an especially hard, hard grief. Some of you know what I m talking about. And for those who don’t, I pray you never do.
Her parents have now spoken publicly about it (warning: the video will likely leave you in tears): The parents of Stanford University soccer star Katie Meyer are speaking out about her death by suicide with the hopes of helping other families. @stephgosk reports. https://t.co/hXTTpM7RWS pic.twitter.com/sPJReGPSD3— TODAY (@TODAYshow) March 4, 2022
I watched it this morning and was a mess. Texted my freshman daughter almost immediately to tell her I love her and to please let her mom or I know if she needs anything. Anything. Very sad.
Just terrible. I feel like there’s a huge gap in the conversation. “Check on people you love isn’t enough.” She had people who loved her checking on her. “You never know what someone is going through.” She did. Her team and family knew she had stuff going on. I just don’t know the answer or if there is one. I’ve been around two suicidal young people and there were no signs or help to be given other than be with them 24/7. They had involved families and friends, purpose, plans…there was no logic or reason or prevention. They knew they were loved and nothing was too big to solve. both survived and are thriving now and when I ask them now they can’t even make sense of their thinking in that time. So if they themselves don’t know what could’ve helped them how do we solve this??? I’m so sad and feel helpless for our young people. I just don’t see a solution. Ugh.
Absolutely crushed for them and I don’t even know them. One thing I’m wondering is if schools can be more transparent with parents even when students are “adults” so they can see something like this coming and let them know everything will be ok. I know it doesn’t happen due to privacy laws, but it might be time to revisit some of those in hope of providing more outlets for students. And you can’t help but wonder if the person had the benefit of hindsight, if they would make the same decision? We lost a close relative about the same age as this girl, to suicide several years back and it leaves you wondering if you missed any signs. Awful awful thing for everyone involved.
Earlier in this thread, I told of my daughter's friend that she has known almost her entire life that committed suicide. I have spoken to his father a few times since he died and he said that everyone in their family asks themselves multiple times every day if they missed something. They are going to have a long healing period and may never fully heal. When these tragedies occur, those that are affected can not be shy about seeing therapy or help to help them heal. Their son was a high achiever attending one of the finest academic institutions in the country. And as Meyer's parents stated, it is unfortunate that many high achievers feel a lot of stress. I have told my own kids to never be afraid to step back if they needed to - academically, athletically, or professionally. Having a daughter myself that is Meyer's age and that played against her has also made this more difficult for me. As sledhead did, I have talked to my kids since this tragedy and have been particularly concerned with the one that is Meyer's age. I always try to keep in close communication with my kids, my parents, and everyone else in my family but am sure that I will be more cognizant of my communication with them for quite a while I've seen some stories about this and this is a number that has been given in some of those stories: 800-273-8255 That is the phone number of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Suicide is often kept "hush hush," is considered a taboo subject to bring up, and can be uncomfortable to discuss. It should not be and hopefully, more will address it if they feel that it needs to be addressed.
I lost two family members within 11 month window and my family has been sort of disconnected ever since. One of them was only 13 years old and it made international coverage on the news. The last conversation I had with the other one before they committed suicide a month later was a pointless argument and it really bothers me to this day. I had to learn of both deaths on Facebook as the family members didn't bother calling up immediate family first. I don't use that social media platform anymore and I've told my family if they want me to know about something, they contact me through phone.
I’m sure a lot of thought has gone into how we can do better. It seems unlikely that a one-size-fits-all approach will work, for something that’s so personal. I think young people are particularly vulnerable, and perhaps the (subset of) high-achievers most of all, because perfection is so elusive. The year before I enrolled at an Ivy League school, decades ago, there had been 16 student deaths - not all suicides - out of a total student population of about 16,000. Of course the school didn’t want to talk about it, but perhaps curiously neither did the surviving students. And that seems to be an ongoing issue. The mere mention of suicide used to be more stigmatized, but now we confront the issue of suggestibility. It’s especially sad to think that one suicide could act as a trigger point for another.
This is a point worth debating. I can't say that I am an expert about this kind of subject (although it's not the internet trend, I'll admit people should have data available before publicly expressing themselves about any subject), but on the other hand I doubt anyone can have a so complex question completely figured out. News about suicides could trigger an imitation effect (Goethe's "Sorrows of Young Werther" were rumoured to have caused a bunch of "copycat suicides" in XVIII century, although some later dismissed that as a myth), but on the other hand talking about suicides and not making it a taboo subject could very well save other lives instead, making young people and parents aware of some dangers and some traps. Also, if suggestibility is a problem, sweeping problems under the rug could be an equally dangerous one: a suicide, or even worse a sequence of suicides, can be a sign that there is something unhealthy not really in the minds of the people who took their-own lives, but in the environment they were living in, and talking about suicides could somehow contribute to force a change to situations that were directly or indirectly responsible of such death-thoughts. I mean, it's not a case that fascism in Italy under Mussolini was censoring all references to suicide in media and was even banning the word itself (a short translation from the website i am linking to: "One of the topics that were censored in the fascist era deserves to be futherly elaborated: the representation of suicide, and the mere mention of it, were strictly prohibited, not only in the motion picture industry, but also on the newspapers"; later on, in the article, it is mentioned that Italian censorship at that time even thought about modifying the ending of a filmed version of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet).
More to say later, but generally speaking, talking about suicide reduces the number of future suicides. Asking someone who seems off if they have considered harming/kill themselves actually helps the person as well. Clusters tend to occur where there is insufficient conversation/disclosure about mental illness in the wake of a suicide and as it relates to close communities if people start getting into methods. People considering suicide are obviously very ill, but there tend to be acute moments that may last hours/minutes/even seconds where attempts are made. A lot of clusters use the same methods/landmarks. Which is why schools like Cornell and NYU have put up barriers at certain locations.
Just to be clear, I am in favor of talking about suicide and studying how best to intervene/prevent it. I am the parent of two teens, one in high school and one in college. As a parent, you worry about what you don't know, what they don't tell you. One striking thing from the parent interview (linked above) was that disciplinary proceedings at Stanford could have advanced so far without Meyer's parents becoming aware of that.
I understand where you’re coming from. The thing about student records is that FERPA effectively prohibits parent access related to grades, conduct, and similar records once a student is 18. The only way parents are permitted direct access is through a can adult child waiving FERPA rights beyond that, the only information parents will receive will come from the student or in limited circumstances where the scenario can reasonably be assumed to be a life threatening emergency and the parents are listed as an emergency contact (car accident, makes a known/imminent threat to their own life beyond suicidal ideation, etc). Unrelated to FERPA, but something that is relevant to some extent here: I don’t believe that schools as rigorous as a Stanford have any business in D1 sports. Even entry level coursework at those schools is rigorous. Introductory econ at a Stanford is not the same as your normal state flagship. At all. D1s tend to make certain admissions allowances (even Ivies) that D3s do not and the hours commitments at the D1 level is insane. I attended a D3 school similar to the so called “lower Ivies” and had friends who were athletes. I also had friends who were athletes at Brown, Duke and Rice. There are appreciable differences in off season demands between that D3 and a Brown and then an additional lift between a Brown and a Duke/Stanford. JMO, but Ivies, Vandy, Duke, Rice, ND, Georgetown, Stanford, USC and Tulane need to temper their athletic aspirations and join schools like Hopkins (all but lax), NESCAC and UAA schools in D3. For many of those D1s there is zero chance of that. But I am hopeful that if the Power 5 FBS schools take their football and leave the NCAA, we could get there with many of them.
With all that’s happening in college sports and the student athletes, it’s imperative mental health support is given by the athletic department. This should include at least one full time mental health professional or a counseling department that can adequately handle the demands of student athletes’ mental health needs. If an institution doesn’t currently have this it certainly can be demanded by the current SA’s (this is more important than the NIL deal or facility upgrade). Recruits should look into if these services are provided as well. Perhaps not to openly ask about this with a coach, because then the coach sees a ‘red flag’ about bringing in a potential ‘situation’. But there are ways this can be found out without directly asking the coach. The effects of social media, phones, and a pandemic have led to serious mental health considerations. And support services need to be at every institution to meet that demand. By the way I’m not stating Stanford didn’t have these networks of support, I have no idea what they have or don’t have there. I’m just speaking in general terms that this need to addressed at every program.
Most of the above items posted mentioned above can be obtained through connecting with an athlete's athletic-academic advisor within their SASC. Atleast at my kids schools and the schools she looked at during recruiting. My kid's team had a meeting this week after practice to discuss mental health. My kid told me the biggest takeaway from the meeting was that the entire coaching staff was mandatory reporters and that the team needed to be nicer to each other. I asked her what her thoughts were and she said the meeting was nothing more than checking a box off to pretend athletics was doing something because no one wants to be labeled a problem. Sad view of that. I did have the convo with my girl that if she finds herself in trouble and facing potential investigations by the university that it does not matter how serious or non-serious the infraction is, that she needs to tell us ASAP so we can provide legal cover for her. I've watched too many students get run over by their student discipline boards. Many are threatened to be silent even though there is no need for them to be but they are threatened and terrified.
Agreed. What happened is absolutely tragic and we need to find better solutions to a terrible issue. That said, they need to be the right solutions. We are slowly (too slowly as these tragedies are still too common) breaking the mental health stigma and we need to continue to have these very important conversations. To the previous argument, athletes are less likely to commit suicide than non-athletes. Last study I saw, male non-athletes were 2.5 times more likely and female non-athletes were 1.67 more likely. Sports and their time commitments help because they have a built in support network. Additionally, the athlete most likely to commit suicide is male football players by a significant margin by the way. Also, there has actually been no statistically different rate of suicide at the different divisions I, II, or III.