In which we yet again post yet another ten thousand plus interesting or amusing -or neither- tweets

MAGA: The Olympics are insulting christians!

Also MAGA: pic.twitter.com/JSyrHmUAD1

— Alex Cole (@acnewsitics) July 27, 2024

 

This is why the internet is undefeated Junior.

You dumb cunt.

This the mother you speak of?

Hanging out with ‘satanic drag queens’? https://t.co/ycKXBwKw7P pic.twitter.com/yRyvR8Mljr

— CoffeyTimeNews - 🇺🇸’s Emotional Support 🇨🇦 (@CoffeyTimeNews) July 27, 2024

 

Jorkin depeanus vance pic.twitter.com/0MpGg9zYJE

— Queen Liza🩷🤍💙 (@KrystalWolfyAlt) July 26, 2024

 

Couching Your Bets

“Hi, I’m looking for a divan,” I told the receptionist at the casino.

“I can have him paged,” she said, slightly uncertainly.

“It’s not a he, it’s an it,” I said. She looked blank. “How about a Chesterfield? A futon?”

“Are . . . they guests here?” she asked, taking a shot, like a drunk sniper on a Tilt-A-Whirl.

“They’re pieces of furniture,” I said. “My furniture, in fact.” I was struggling to keep the conversation afloat in the tar-like morass of her incomprehension. “They rebelled and came here to Vegas.”

The receptionist was almost audibly praying for me to go away so I left her desk and wandered further into the casino. There were high stools at the slots, easy chairs in the lounge, and long, wooden benches outside for the smokers. But no couches.

“It was all because of the slip covers,” I shouted at a floor attendant five minutes later over the brassy jangle of the slot machines. I had explained my search and he was keeping up better than the receptionist had. “They hate slip covers, you see. They say they like to breathe.”

“They say?”

“Well, not really, but they left a note,” I said. “The futon wrote it, since of course the Chesterfield’s writing is crap. The divan was apparently feeling lucky, and you know how divans are.” The attendant nodded and chuckled knowingly in a way that made me think he wasn’t paying the least amount of attention.

“Have you seen them?” I asked.

He actually seemed to think for a moment. “Did you have a chaise lounge? Because I saw a red chaise lounge come through here a couple hours ago. It blew about ten grand in twenty minutes.”

“I’ve never had a chaise lounge,” I said, thinking that I’d also never had ten grand.

“I’ll keep my eyes open,” he said.

I wandered the Strip for hours, showing pictures and asking people. Finally, a cop said he’d seen some pieces of furniture go into a wedding chapel. I went in to find the shocking news, memorialized by a Polaroid picture tacked to the Just Married! bulletin board: my futon had just gotten married to a loveseat.

“Their cushions reeked of bourbon,” the clerk said. “I’ve never seen sofas so soused since that Saturnalia in Sears.”

I left in a rage and spent the rest of the night wandering around getting more and more desperate. Finally, as dawn was bleeding through the neon noon, I found the whole collection in an alley behind a strip club.

“Come with me right now or I’m going to IKEA,” I said, my voice as calm and steady as an executioner’s sword. They came quietly.

When I got home I spent a fortune getting them clean. I also found that the loveseat had tagged along, so I put it in the den by itself. The futon started to look forlorn, so I stuck them together, even though it messed up the layout of the room.

It wasn’t until I found $45,000 in casino chips in the cushions of the Chesterfield that things started to look up. Also, a few months later I went into the den to find several brand new ottomans ranged around the room, so that was a bonus too.

 

Oh shit, our government may get sued for kidnapping.

Lol, good luck with that.

"The attorney for Ismael “El Mayo” Zambada, the alleged co-founder of the Sinaloa cartel, says his client “neither surrendered nor negotiated any terms with the U.S. government,” but was instead kidnapped. https://cnn.it/4d2Hoca "

https://www.threads.net/@cnn/post/C9_FbtqqIzk/?xmt=AQGzagnBsE6hjcPmldvdJd_Aec1GeMwJFRuDH0g8ck4OnA

 

Dude... you're not the target audience and neither is Harris. They're saying it to people who are willing to believe them and/or not really care about whether or not it's true. They're saying it and you can hear it, but it's not for you. None of what they're saying is for you.

It hasn't been weird for eight years. It's been SOP.

Harris is making that point only to the people who were already going to vote for her.

 

J.D.'s couch
I wish that I had J.D.'s couch
Tell me- where I can I find it, a sofa like that?

 

You have to be mad about Disney.

You have to be mad about Miller Lite.

You have to be mad about the NFL.

You have to be mad about Nike.

You have to be mad about Taylor Swift.

Now you have to be mad about the Olympics.

Being a Trumper is just exhausting.

— Stuart Stevens (@stuartpstevens) July 29, 2024

 

I don’t know what I just read but I liked it.

 

But they're OK with Fvcking Flags and Futons.


And I claim this band name.

 

I found this amusing. Bolton brings reality to someone who refuses to deal with it.

“That was Trump’s deal…You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Trump's former National Security Adviser John Bolton reminds Newsmax host Eric Bolling that it was Trump, not Biden, who negotiated the withdrawal from Afghanistan with the Taliban” pic.twitter.com/ahq1dYqEJZ

— Republicans against Trump (@RpsAgainstTrump) July 29, 2024

 

Damn. pic.twitter.com/gWPr1wjeLx

— Ron Filipkowski (@RonFilipkowski) July 29, 2024

 

Probably, but that's okay as long as it boosts turnout for her.

 

Not kidding when I say Steve Beshear saved thousands of lives by rolling out the ACA as "Kynect" so people would not think they were signing up for Obamacare. https://t.co/oKoZMCDLsd pic.twitter.com/eqIrQADYmX

— Open Source Stupidity (OSSTU) Starfish (@IRHotTakes) July 24, 2024

 

Not a tweet, but my god, I've been wasting all of your time here for more than 20 years. And really I just come around for the bickering here now, along with some Galaxy news. I just looked at my "joined on" date. Woof.

 

I mean, yeah, it ought to be weird, but it's not. This is all a damn shame...

 

"I'm just mad about Saffron." (Leitch)

Or should that be "Sofaron?"

 

Is this the Vladimir Futon thread?

someone called jd vance vladimir futon i’m losing my mind

— tate (@50FirstTates) July 28, 2024

 

One great indication that "weird" is working: it bothers all the dumbest people. pic.twitter.com/3G6xzn0aKS

— David Roberts (@drvolts) July 29, 2024

 

Says more about him than about anyone:

pic.twitter.com/5wDzvGDH4j

— barely a spec 🏳️‍🌈 (@barely_a_spec) July 29, 2024

 

I regret Clinton calling Trumpists "deplorable."

I mean, they are, of course. But the modern GOP is animated and easily manipulated by fear. We want them cowed, not riled up.

 

Mental Gymnastics

Ingraham asks Trump about his comments telling Christian backers they won't have to vote again in 4 years. Trump responds by saying Jews should have their heads examined if they vote for Dems. Ingraham presses him & Trump doesn't exactly quell concerns he wants to end elections. pic.twitter.com/khGeauqp9S

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) July 29, 2024