If you were the judge, what would you do with ol' Osama?

I would let Mike Tyson eat his schildren, chop of his head to use as a soccer ball.

 

Ah ha - proof that Millwall fans are still violent after all.......

 

I'd stick him in a room with Mr. Blonde, while listening to K-Billy's "Sounds of the Seventies Weekend".

 

Feed him pork, and only pork.

 

Hard to top Chesco's suggestion.

I don't know if I necessarily believe if we kill him, he becomes a martyr to his cause, but the potential downside if he does turn into a martyr is huge - see Arc, Joan of. I can think of two reasons to keep him in jail for life, as opposed to using him as the star on the White House Christmas tree. But they're both pretty unlikely. One is to get information out of him (Lynndie? We've got a gig for you), and the other is in the hope he recants. These are advantages we don't have in keeping like someone like Charles Manson alive. Those scenarios aren't likely to come true, I admit.

If the judge in question says "Let's see if Allah's stronger than Old Sparky," then I don't have a problem with that at all. My opposition to the death penalty is based on the number of innocent people being executed, and that wouldn't apply to OBL. Bush was probably right when he said "Dead or alive, it doesn't matter to me." I'd prefer the slow, majestic rule of civilized law grinding the guy in its wheels, but if some corporal becomes famous as the guy who killed Bin Laden, that's fine.

 

I'd put him in solitary confinement for the rest of his life in a pitch black room. I'd have some really bright lights set up in the room that would flash occasionally when he's awake just to ******** with him. He would also have to constantly endure listening to the acapella versions of several boy bands cds played at the same time. I would consider putting shrooms (the magic kind) in his food occassionally to make him think he's going even crazier than he actually is but that might make the boy bands more bearable.

 

Last I checked Osama is a gooner.

 

I'd have the judge ask him how on earth he managed to get himself captured with that gaggle of fuckwits at the White House in charge of the search for him.

Above and beyond that, I would have the judge ensure that he got as fair and open a trial as possible and, if convicted of his crimes (and I only say if because saying "when" would be a fairly incongruous choice of words given the first half of the sentence), I would have him put in prison for the rest of his natural life.

I might be tempted to have him do the odd stint as a bycicle rack in the prison exercise yard, but I'm not sure that's constitutional in the US, which is where I presume this hypothetical judge is sitting in judgement.

 

Ahhh, the dream of any practicing lawyer......to be an appellate court judge............

 

Cut his head off with a dull knife, and serve it for dinner like Sheeps Head Baked in the Oven

Make sure Osamas head is scraped clean before you bake it.

At home clean it some more to get rid of all the hair off osamas head, use a straight razor for that! Scrape the inside of his ears with a sharp knife to clean them properly. Open his mouth and rinse the inside properly, let the water run out the throat.

Fill a bucket full of water and place a handful of salt in, stir to dissolve. Place Osamas head in the water, and ensure that it's completely covered. Soak for an hour, then remove from water and rinse, then dry the head with paper towels.

Put some salt in the mouth and salt the whole head on the outside as well. Wrap tin foil around the ears to stop them from burning. Place the head in the oven in your baking saucepan at 120 degrees C. Leave in the oven for a good few hours, overnight if necessary. A bit of water will ensure that the meat will not dry out.

Now you have to have someone with whom to share Osamas head. And it can't just be anybody, it must be someone that had relatives die at the WTC. Someone who will not freak if the head appears on the table with a mouth full of grinning teeth, because eating your enemies head is an intimate affair……

You and your guests sit down with the head between you. Whoever has the knife. First he cuts off a piece of lip and eats it, then he cuts off another piece and gives it to a guest. Then he cuts a piece of cheek off and eats it, then cuts a piece of cheek off and shares it with the guest. The pet dog gets the nose. And so you work your way through the whole head. An eye for an eye and a cheek for a cheek, and don’t forget the ears, it's nice as they crunch as you eat them.

But it's when you get to the brain that your have a problem because Osama has a small brain and it has to be shared. And only one tongue and that has to be shared as well!

 

Have you seen some of the clerks? Daaaaaaaaamn!

 

Bath him in pigs blood and then let Rosie O'Donnell screw him with the largest strap-on she can find. Make sure this is broadcast on Al Jazeera.

 

Please seek help.

 

Whats the matter never ate the head of a sheep? I used to order it at Rao's up in Harlem years ago.

 

I say throw him to the Wolves (New Yorkers), drop his ass off by the ruins of the WTC, or a Fire Dept hard hit from 911, let them work it out.

 

I'd go mad draconian on him.

A) I wouldn't even advertise that I had him in custody.

B) Use every torture method ever devised that would make some CIA operative from the 70s say, "You are one sick bastard"

C) Take away his dialysis machine, and let him use it only after he gives juicy usable info.

and finally,

D) Make him bet his entire family fortune on Notre Dame football when they play Boston College.

 

Well, you wanna break his spirit so that he cooperates fully? Perfect way to do it, if you ask me.

 

Hmmm... lets see.... I would carefully and methodically apply tactics that were unfortunately used on our boys during 'Nam... we could actually create some jobs by his capture...there are a lot of vietnam veterans that are currently out of work. Let's help the ecnomy while were at it. Tickets? Pay-Per View perhaps? I know, I'm very Ill...

 

First, I would ask him to enter his plea. If it is "guilty" I would launch a full-scale invasion of Syria. If it is "not guilty" I would topple the government of Sri Lanka.

Second, I would announce to the arab world that our "crusade" had achieved a major success, and that we were well on the way towards our goal of providing american democracy throughout the Arab world -- just like they have in Isreal.

Third, I would simply ask him . . . why? why? why were you so chummy with Saddam Hussein?

Fourth, I would let him speak, and act totally uninterested, when he finished, I would say, "oh, did you say something? I honestly don't think about you much anymore."

Finally, I would make him play linebacker for the guards, and call a blitz. I would then have the inmates let him through the line unimpeded while Burt Reynolds takes about a five step drop.

 

Easy Tiger...I thought I was Ill.. I am, but thats pretty creative

I think the Syria issue might need to wait for a while...it's simmering though.

 

The judge????

I thought we were trying to "hunt down and kill" him. As far as the current administration is concerned (and Kerry too, for that matter), no trial for him.