If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor. hahaha
Even better (with a lot more graphics) http://home.carolina.rr.com/zerb/beready/ My favorites Time travel is an excellent option after a terrorist attack. Remember, you must reach exactly 88 mph and hit the dangling power line in order for the flux capacitor to operate properly. If you're dying, please do your fellow citizens a favor and do not soil the tidy white Red Cross tents. Die outside like a good American. If a terrorist attack happens and your loved one isn't available, consider hiding under your desk and giving yourself fellatio. When presented with the option of a biological agent, a large pile of animal corpses, or a temporal rift, consider your choices carefully.
Ahh too funny. My fave :If you're trapped in a confined space within Crystal Caverns and not familiar with shadow puppets, consider moving your flashlight around wildly and pretending you're at a nightclub.