Hey Del Loy, Hire Me! : The You-Be-The-RSL-Coach Thread

Discussion in 'Real Salt Lake' started by El-ahrairah, Aug 18, 2016.

  1. El-ahrairah

    El-ahrairah Member+

    Sep 20, 2004
    Wanker County
    Club:
    Real Salt Lake
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    For all you armchair quarterbacks (or centerbacks) out there, this is the thread for you. We all complain about coaching, etc., so now's your chance. Tell the rest of the RSL forum how you would coach. Maybe DLH will read this and decide that you should be the coach.

    To start this off, if the Great El-ahrairah was the RSL coach,

    1. We would run a generic, vanilla 4-4-2. Nothing special, just something that every soccer player should know how to play in his/her sleep.

    2. We would be running demons. I would want to see my players running non-stop for the entire game. Run, run, run. If we can't dazzle the opposing team with our formation, we will run their collective asses off. I want to see opposing teams falling down on the pitch with exhaustion at the end of the game.

    3. We would practice playing with 10-men. I would want other teams to fear RSL getting a red card since they wouldn't score and we would.

    4. On corner kicks and free kicks, the forwards would be "crashing the boards" like San Jose does/used to do.

    5. I wouldn't waste money on high-paid DPs. We would promote from the academy and the Monarchs.

    etc.
     
  2. 15 to 32

    15 to 32 Straw Hog

    Jul 1, 2008
    Salt Lake
    Club:
    Real Salt Lake
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    I always wondered what happened to John Ellinger...
     
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  3. RoyalNonesuch

    RoyalNonesuch Member+

    May 10, 2009
    Club:
    Real Salt Lake
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Dear Dell Loy Hansen,

    Sex sells. Get some hot cheerleaders and offer lap dances for the fans who spend thousands on 100 Lions seats.

    [​IMG]

    Sincerely,

    20th Century Sports Guy
     
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  4. RSLer

    RSLer Member+

    Sep 24, 2008
    Stansbury Park, UT
    Club:
    Real Salt Lake
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Here, you can have all of my Likes.
     
  5. El-ahrairah

    El-ahrairah Member+

    Sep 20, 2004
    Wanker County
    Club:
    Real Salt Lake
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Didn't Chivas have some cheerleaders?
     
  6. El-ahrairah

    El-ahrairah Member+

    Sep 20, 2004
    Wanker County
    Club:
    Real Salt Lake
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    If John Ellinger coached like this, I wonder why he was fired.
     
  7. Boz

    Boz RSL Family

    Jul 14, 2004
    Club:
    --other--
    Orange slices and/or bong rips at halftime.
     
  8. goobx1

    goobx1 Member+

    Jul 9, 2007
    Salt Lake
    I really don't know what I would do but whatever it was I would be DAMN PROUD of my team.
     
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  9. TheBiff

    TheBiff Member+

    Apr 8, 2011
    Club:
    Real Salt Lake
    Nat'l Team:
    Ecuador
    I'd run a 3-4-3 and never change the formation even if I didn't have enough players for a position like forwards.
     
  10. 15 to 32

    15 to 32 Straw Hog

    Jul 1, 2008
    Salt Lake
    Club:
    Real Salt Lake
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    why the hell is OR in there?!
     
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  11. RSLer

    RSLer Member+

    Sep 24, 2008
    Stansbury Park, UT
    Club:
    Real Salt Lake
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Actually, I was wondering why the orange slices are in there.
     
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  12. goobx1

    goobx1 Member+

    Jul 9, 2007
    Salt Lake
    Their good for your dreds.







    Mon.
     
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  13. DrownedElf

    DrownedElf Member+

    Jul 5, 2010
    Ogden
    Club:
    Real Salt Lake
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    No Capri Sun? You're fired!
     
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  14. stucknutah

    stucknutah Member+

    Feb 14, 2002
    In the Office
    Club:
    Real Salt Lake
    So, people aren't really taking this seriously, which is a shame.

    Short term: if I keep the same system, I only play 2 of the "walking 3" (Jave, Plata, Burrito) at a time. And, if Jave is the one resting, I allow Plata or Burrito to play the CM/false 9. Simply stated, I add in a defensive minded player to help on one of the wings. The team can shift to cover for one side, it cannot shift to cover both. I let the walking 3 know that their days of walking are over. Once they stop helping defensively, they are out of the game. That limits them to 45 minutes for Jave, and, at most, 60 for Plata and Burrito. (This is heartbreaking to me...during his break-out year, Plata worked his butt off on both sides of the ball for 90. That is one of the key reasons the previous coaching staff (assuming I'm in charge) went to the 4-3-3 and then to the 4-2-3-1. Now he is worthless defensively and below average receiving balls with any pressure. If the team had some more depth, he wouldn't play for my team.)

    I strongly suggest to management that Waibel may not have the chops for negotiating the international trade market and begin a search for either his replacement or a supplement (his failure to fix the center back position should have been the end of his tenure. The fact the team is making due is not an excuse.)

    Last, I sacrifice a chicken if that help Sunny recover faster. And get a time machine to bring back a 29 yr old Jave.
     
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  15. 15 to 32

    15 to 32 Straw Hog

    Jul 1, 2008
    Salt Lake
    Club:
    Real Salt Lake
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    I assume this thread was created with the thought of being Jeff. Which means you're stuck with what Waibel gives you, regardless of how you want to play. At least in the short term.

    With that said
    1. Jordan Allen would start every game possible
    2. Javier Morales would be the permanent 60h minute sub off the bench
    3. We'd play a 4-2-3-1 like we do, but I'd demand the middle 5 play more as a unit of 5 than 2 units. You can't lose if you don't get scored on.
    4. I'd have benched Burrito 3 or 4 games ago. Maybe even left him out of the 18
    5. Plata would have just gotten back from a trip with the monarchs
    6. I'd demand Velazco be on the first team and immediately put him in the 18
    7. We'd train endlessly on swinging the ball with purpose, especailly from an outside back to an opposite wing
    8. Javi wouldn't be allowed to take corners
    9. In fact, we'd run short corners and "trick" plays on them because whipping them in is simply not working
    10. Chris Schuler would never have been allowed back on the team this year. He'd have to have proved he could go all season with Monarchs helathy
    11. I'd rotate Beckerman more
    12. I'd have a weekly game at training where you could only shoot from 18+ yards out
    13. offseason fitness would have been setup like Kreis
    14. I'd be very honest with media types about performances. Never naming individuals, but saying it wasn't good enough
    15. I'd wear a ********ing suit on the sideline, not jeans and a polo like a rec coach
     
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  16. The Franchise

    The Franchise Member+

    Nov 13, 2014
    Bakersfield, CA
    Club:
    Real Salt Lake
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    While these aren't the most important changes to make, they're the most amusing.
     
  17. RSLer

    RSLer Member+

    Sep 24, 2008
    Stansbury Park, UT
    Club:
    Real Salt Lake
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    I can't argue against any of those points from a maximize-what-we-have perspective. The only counter factor I will bring up is one I brought up months ago: in professional sports there seems to be some unwritten rule that you play the high earners no matter what. It seems to be in effect at RSL. I do not know if the coach has the authority to bench a high earner or cut their minutes on a regular basis.
     
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  18. The Franchise

    The Franchise Member+

    Nov 13, 2014
    Bakersfield, CA
    Club:
    Real Salt Lake
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    This is generally the case, and it's incredibly frustrating as a fan. I can't imagine what it would be like for the coach.
     
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  19. RoyalNonesuch

    RoyalNonesuch Member+

    May 10, 2009
    Club:
    Real Salt Lake
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    #19 RoyalNonesuch, Aug 19, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2016
    To me, Sunny's absence is the biggest factor, but I like 15's training and tactical regimen.

    Will Johnson had a square wooden block for a foot sometimes, but he ran his ass off and that made a big difference. Luke isn't as quick as well but he helps in this regard for about 60 minutes. Sunny is the real deal...and Holness honestly shows real promise (fast athletic, good touch at times)

    RSL can afford at most one defensive loafer if we want to be competitive. Having two or more wrecks us.

    The only other tactical element I'd hit hard is the one Friedel beat us up for - not staying compact (which is part of where loafing hurts). Whether it's the backline not pushing up or the forwards/wings not getting back, or passers not getting closed out because they have tons of space - the leaky accordion effect is the same...we're easy to pass through, around, and over.
     
  20. UPinSLC

    UPinSLC Member+

    Jul 11, 2004
    SL,UT
    Club:
    Real Salt Lake
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    I don't recall Friedel saying we weren't compact, I believe he commended us on staying organized in the back and keeping Seattle in front of us for the most part. He absolutely hammered us all game long for not getting forward and not taking chances. I can't even tell you how many times he ripped us for having nobody in the box. For being an "attack minded" formation and doing whatever we can to get 3 forwards on the field at all times we are absolutely pathetic at attacking.
     
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  21. Ivensor

    Ivensor Member

    Nov 10, 2011
    Club:
    Real Salt Lake
    You'd waste Schuler's ONE healthy season on the Monarchs? That seems silly. ;)
     
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  22. DrownedElf

    DrownedElf Member+

    Jul 5, 2010
    Ogden
    Club:
    Real Salt Lake
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    WRT Javi taking corners, it's utterly baffling that we haven't changed tactics. After the 40th+ time of him barely hitting the first defender, you'd think we'd have at least 1-2 near post runners to give us a chance at either flicking it on goal, or back into the 6.
     
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  23. El-ahrairah

    El-ahrairah Member+

    Sep 20, 2004
    Wanker County
    Club:
    Real Salt Lake
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    /US Marine Corps drill instructor mode on/

    Run, run, run, run! Run, you worthless pieces of human sh*t! I want every swinging d*ck on that team to be a running mother f*cker who can do 120 minutes if they need to! Faster, faster, faster, faster!



    /US Marine Corps drill instructor mode off/
     
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  24. RSLer

    RSLer Member+

    Sep 24, 2008
    Stansbury Park, UT
    Club:
    Real Salt Lake
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Yeah, the egotistical owner: "I'm paying that SOB $$$$ and even if he doesn't produce his a** is going to be on the field the entire game".
     
  25. RoyalNonesuch

    RoyalNonesuch Member+

    May 10, 2009
    Club:
    Real Salt Lake
    Nat'l Team:
    United States
    Except he did say we weren't compact - criticized the defense for not pushing it up as well as the offense for not getting forward (and back). He pointed out the space Seattle had to work with etc.
     

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