Heskey Up For Award

Lanky134 · May 19, 2003

OK, maybe not one to be too proud of, but it's still nice to be recognized...

http://football.guardian.co.uk/Fiver/0,4022,959325,00.html

THE FIVER WORST PLAYER OF THE YEAR AWARDS V

Welcome to the fifth annual Fiver Worst Player of the Year awards. How about that, then? The fifth! That's five years! Five! 1,826 days! Of our lives. Our all-too-short lives. Of which we only have one. Sitting here. Just sitting. Sitting. Gah!

But what's done is done. There's no point worrying about it now. Which is surely the attitude the eventual winner must take if he ever wants to get some sleep at night. Because for every Henry or van Nistelrooy, there are hundreds of lumpen oafs sending crosses sailing over the far stand with their shin. Although one in particular stands out, as any season-ticket holder at Anfield could tell you.

So who's in the running to join a roll of dishonour which includes Hartson, Sutton, Ziege and Veron (but surprisingly no Akinbiyi)? Well, this year, we've got a new format: up until the time we send your Fiver out on Wednesday (around 7.35pm), you can nominate whoever the hell you like. Then we'll announce a shortlist of the leading five fat talentless idiots who are being paid SO MUCH of YOUR money it's almost tantamount to them TAKING FOOD STRAIGHT FROM A HUNGRY CHILD'S MOUTH.

After that, with your help, we'll spend the rest of the week abusing their characters. But just in case you need some ideas on who to vote for:

Mr Em (for that preposterous miss against Crystal Palace);
Tore Andre Flo (£6.75m, six goals, two of them against Cambridge in the Worthington Cup);
Mr Em (for taking a shot-cum-fresh-air-swipe and kicking up a massive clod of turf in the Worthington Cup final);
Ricardo (five games played, 53 penalties conceded);
Mr Em (for attempting a delicate dinked through-ball to Michael Owen against Arsenal and nearly taking someone in the back row of the Kop's eye out);
Paul Okon (the poor man's Jacob Burns);
Titus Bramble (let's face it, it's him or Mr Em, isn't it?);
Jason Roberts (two fewer goals than Scott Dobie and he's after a big-money transfer);
or
Lee Bowyer (just because).

We'll also be giving one lucky recipient the inaugural Fiver Worst Manager of the Year award. The shortlist is as follows:

Terry Venables.

So get voting in both sections! Send an email to the.boss@guardian.co.uk with the subject heading Fiver Worst Awards and we'll either count them all up or rig it if we get a bit snowed under.
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Bjornebye · May 19, 2003

Huzzah!

Stig