Henry`s Diary: The Captain`s Log

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Henry`s Diary: The Captain`s Log
Posted 01/05/07 16:22
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'What is that? Come on guys' writes the entirely fictional Thierry Henry in his entirely fictional diaries in which he berates a fellow party-goer for playing 'anti Trivial Pursuit'. IDIOT! STUPIDE...




Monday
I am working very hard in my recovery. It is tres tough but I am stepping up the exercises to recuperate from my many, many injuries. I have played through the last three years in terrible, horrible pain, but I never complained or hid. I am a man. I am not a woman. Sometimes in life you hit a wall. You cannot always climb every wall. Sometimes there is no rope. Sometimes you have to respect the wall. You can scratch the wall, or thump your fists against it, but the wall wins. I had problems on every part of my body but I played on. I punched the wall. But then I respected the wall. I am not a machine.



Tuesday
A 'journalist' wrote an article saying that my fitness problems were inevitable, as, according to this man, I have been very lucky with injuries in my career. IDIOT! Lucky? He is idiot. I am not lucky. I had no serious injuries because I live a clean life. I have a pure life, the life of an athlete, the life of an aesthete. This is why I didn't take big injuries before. I am a professional. I do not piss my talent inside the wind. I respect my body. I have seen too many players pissing their talent away inside the wind, going to clubs and parties. Stupide. They are idiots. I am not idiot. On a pitch I take risks, I take the ball, I go wide, I cross, I shoot (sometimes), I fly, I dance, I risk. But I never take risks with my body. I never drink extra-strength lager and go to many, many parties and make love with ladies that are not Nicole.



Wednesday
Another day of work in the gym. Very, very tough. When I will come back? I don't know. I am living day after day. But you know, my comeback was not helped by a problem in my home. My daughter and wife were watching the TV but I wanted to see something on Sky to help me relax un peu. At 7pm there was a beautiful transmission called 'Va Va Voom: King Henry of Arsenal' but my wife and daughter were watching a cartoon. I asked them to switch over but they said no. NO? Come on guys, what the hell is that? I am under stress, last year I played in the Champions League final and World Cup final. It was very draining to me, it took a lot out of me. Why can't they understand that? Why can't I watch the TV show I want to watch? After the difficult season I had last year and my injuries? And still they want to watch a cartoon? What is that? Come on guys.



Thursday
I went to Arsenal's training ground today to give the boys some hope. I was very concerned on my way in the car. I know that for them it is very hard without me. Every day in training they used to look up to me and follow my lead, and without me their lives are almost pointless. But I want them to carry on. I don't want them to give up. It would make me sad if my boys like Emmanuel and Kolo were too depressed to get out of bed at the thought of playing the rest of the campaign without Thierry Henry. I shudder when I think of the guys in crisis. But they have to carry on. ALLEZ!


I saw my boys. They are so upset those guys, they are so upset that I am not out there with them. But they must be brave.



Friday
My agent told me he met Carles Puyol at a chic soiree in Barcelona. I shrugged. What am I care? Puyol is not a man. In the Champions League Final in '06, we were both captains. He played like a cheat, beating, kicking and hitting me. But I didn't go down. I am not a woman. He won the trophy but he lost my respect so he wins nothing. He is not a man. You didn't win anything Puyol. You are the idiot.



Saturday
I had to go to a party at my wife's friend's house in the country. I spoke to the man controlling the CD player and he wouldn't let me play my favourite CD by Modjo, called 'Lady (Hear Me Tonight)'. Stupide English. He put on the Phil Collins and James Blunt. Is plastic musique for me. I cannot relax inside with this musique. How can I relax with this Phillip Collins?


Then we had the food. It was all covered in ketchup. What the hell is that? Ketchup with everything? Come on guys! Why do they only eat to live in England? In France we live to eat. Food is a pleasure, an art form. Ketchup? Pah! It is a crime against art.


After we played Trivial Pursuit and it was a disaster. I was winning, I was collecting every piece of coloured plastic fromage in order, starting alphabetically with the blue piece and going around the board clockwise, collecting every colour in sequence in a beautiful intricate manner. I was playing exhibition Trivial Pursuit. I think if you are playing a board-based quiz game you must do it beautifully. Why play this quiz without making something attractive? I used my instinct; I followed my instinct to answer a question about Milli Vanilli for the pink fromage.


Then a stupide man got all the fromages in an ugly order, without control and 'won'. When he got to the centre he got an easy question to win the match (which he guessed correctly!). It was very ugly, a bad victory. I should have won. Everyone thought it. The man who 'won' the game was playing 'anti-Trivial Pursuit'. Idiot. I can win like him, with ugly tactics, you know? But I will never do it like this. It is not the Thierry Henry way. Nothing scares me in board-based quiz games.



Sunday
It is now Sunday and to relax I had hoped to go to Paris for a few days but my wife wanted to stay in London for a fashion show. What? Come on guys? What the hell is that? Can't I relax in Paris when I want? I want to give my spirit some chance to free himself, to feel himself free and fly. I have played so many games. But sometimes your body says stop and you must listen to it. I have had so much pain. I played with an Achilles problem, a sciatic nerve problem, my stomach hurts, I have a broken nail. I even played against PSV in the second leg in pain (stupide PSV and their stupide manager Koeman, idiot). Why the hell can't I go to Paris? Why not? I am captain. I am Thierry Henry. I am not an idiot, so do not treat me as one.